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461 · Jul 2013
self torture
maybella snow Jul 2013
i watched your internet videos
    i cried
  at the sound of your voice
         tears tumbled out
         i need you to hold me
                  love, please hold me tightly
  i think we both need it
maybella snow Jul 2013
sleep butterflies are teasing me
                  they land on my eyelids
only for a few minutes                
just to take off                          
                                 and leave me drowsy enough
         to not be able to wake fully
they dance over my eyes          
                       i receve flighty sleep
awake
460 · Aug 2013
yeah don't
maybella snow Aug 2013
sitting uncomfortably in my skin
you tell me i'm not alone in how
i seem to be feeling, with every-
thing  thats going on. i don't   kn-
ow  about  that,  i  feel  alone, so
alone that all i want is him,  back
you tell me never to talk  to  him
because he hurt me,  but he  ma-
de me feel  so  special and loved
no  one  else  has  made  me  feel
that  way,  yet  you  tell  me you'
ll  forever  hate  me  if  i  start  a
conversation  with  him,     only
because  he  hurt  me,  but what
if  he  wants  me  back?  he loves
me,    he  never  stopped  loving
me,    why  wouldn't  i  want  to
talk  to  the  love  of  my life? it's
in  my  nature,  soul, heart, body
to  be  with  someone  who  just
so   happens   to   love  me   with
their everything, as i love   them,
with my  everything  its just  not
fair,    that    you're   allowed   to
complain  about  how  that   guy
you  like  has  ruined  your   life,
because    of   whatever   he  did,
yet i'm  not  allowed to cry once,
or  talk  to my  love   because  of
your views on our   relationship,
how  is  that  fair?  you're  upset-
ing me so much, i bet you didn't
know    that    though    did   you?
maybella snow Aug 2013
no, go away
you've had your opinion
i listened, i didn't get angry
now it's time
for you to go
before i explode
459 · Jun 2013
following set niceties
maybella snow Jun 2013
its polite to say
         "how are you?"
                  and it's presumed
that you're "okay" or "good, thanks"
     so thats what i say
for convenience
"how are you?"
         "i'm good, thank-you"

                         but
what i want to say is;
                        "alive, unfortunately"

...
459 · Jul 2013
learning how to sleep
maybella snow Jul 2013
woke up early
     went to bed late
                i know
    i wont sleep tonight

            i knew that
when i woke up early

           i know now
i'm never going to sleep

~ not without you
maybella snow Aug 2013
10 words


*everyone effects someone's life, i don't wanna mess anyone up
458 · Oct 2013
what am i doing with life?
maybella snow Oct 2013
sustaining myself
just           enough
to  last  two  years
until  i  move  out
and   escape   this
place   of  insanity
maybella snow Jun 2013
<3
                           i                                                                ­                        

                                       ­                        miss  


                                                        ­                                                            you

so                                       much


                                                          ­                         it


                                                               ­                                                                 ­     hurts

                          i              love             ­ you


                                                          ­                x x
                                                               ­                                                                 ­                    x

                                          ­                      x
                                         ­                                                                 ­                 x x x
                   x
                                                               ­                   don't                                         ­                   

make
                                       ­                                      me

                                                             ­                                                             live­

                 without                                                          ­                              

                                                               ­                                                           you
  ­                                                   ever


                                                              ­                                       again
please
                                      x x
maybella snow Jul 2013
i read at the end of books
      acknowledgments
                           and in most of them
there's a thankyou
         directed at their "loving" "supportive" family
how they made their love for writing
    and helped them every way possible
                                                        ­                 i have a cat
                                                                ­         but he doesn't help
                                                            ­             support? i guess so
                but no, my parents and family
    they ridicule me for my writing
   it'll never be worth my effort and time

                            i'm scared that one day
        what their trying to say
             will finally get through to me
                                      i'll realize that my writing isn't worth anything
                                                        ­               it's not worth effort
i don't want that day to come
and no you're not going to be
in my acknowledgments,
my cat might
you wont
457 · Jul 2013
where's the line?
maybella snow Jul 2013
between friendship
                acquaintances
                love
                hate
                enemies
                ?
maybella snow Aug 2013
but letting you completely in my heart again
scares me more
maybella snow Oct 2013
i'm more ****** up than I thought
this ******* urge to cut won't leave me
alone, I'm lying in bed shuddering
twitching and spasming  
night one, and I know
I'm not strong enough
to last, it hurts
452 · Jul 2013
...maybe?
maybella snow Jul 2013
if i let enough blood out
     not enough to die
                   just to slow the blood to my head
         so i don't think as much?
maybe?
452 · Aug 2013
i can't help being fragile
maybella snow Aug 2013
please be nice                                            
i know i cry too easily          
i know i crack at silly things
but everything hurts  
and nothing takes the pain away                      
it crushes me down  
it weighs so much  
its a constant torment        
and it never eases off
it just gains momentum                              
and i fall      
faster
and faster
and faster
down  and                              
d                    
o              
w        
n  
please catch me                                        
and be gentle                            
sorry for asking for this                                                
i'm not usually this fragile                                                
but the pressure
caused by this
ordeal (death)                
is forcing        
my glass cage            
to crack                    
and crumble      
please                                                      
be nice?                                            
i'm hurting                                                                            
please be nice
and hold me        
keep me together
please
keep all the pieces
that crack and fall
away                                                                                              
don't loose the                              
puzzle pieces that                        
create my whole                          
because i'm not usually
this        b R ok E    N                                                  
i ask a favor  
be my glue?  
hold me safe?
..please?..
maybella snow Aug 2013
5 words



sorry poetry isn't a result of this
448 · Aug 2013
brick walls cope well
maybella snow Aug 2013
everyone
                                                                ­    has
       different
ways
                            of coping
                 mine
                                                     seems to be
   a type
                     or
                                        form
         of
                             shutting
                  d
                                    ­                                   o
      w
                                           n
                                                               ­                                                                i create brick walls
                                                           ­                                                                 ­   to hide myself
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    when i'm scared
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    or too vulnerable
                                                      ­                                                                 ­        to handle what's going on
                                                              ­                                                                 and i hide myself
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    under a veil
                                                            ­                                                                 ­  of a strong person
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    when really
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    i'm still crying
                                                          ­                                                                 ­    not too far down
446 · Nov 2013
deactivating
maybella snow Nov 2013
.
.
.
.
maybe i'll come back
445 · Jul 2013
i want to fly
maybella snow Jul 2013
away                                                            

.
5 words
maybella snow Oct 2013
you're older than me
you know its not okay
why'd you let me get attached
then just leave
when you know i'm in pain
why
maybella snow Oct 2013
if I was a fish
would you catch me;
reel me in
then realise
you had a
fish that had been
partly nibbled
and return me
to the sea
to die?
445 · Aug 2013
your poems aren't about me
maybella snow Aug 2013
don't get offended when mine
aren't about you
444 · Jun 2013
heart? house?
maybella snow Jun 2013
a two story
peaceful, colorful house
windows cleaned
porch swept
roof well kept
gutters empty

. . . . . . . . . .

a crumbling
silent, dull house
windows smashed
porch snapped
roof collapsing
gutters filled with leaves
442 · Oct 2013
imagining again
maybella snow Oct 2013
silken voice
sliding through
vulnerable gaps
into various hearts
you sing me to sleep
with your breaths
a sweet lullaby
in uneven
tunes
442 · Nov 2013
turn tables
maybella snow Nov 2013
i hate that when i wake up my thoughts go to you
you're dead can this stop
please
i miss you
come back
maybella snow Jul 2013
10 words
*my heart escapes my body to be with your heart
maybella snow Jul 2013
i had to go outside
                  bare feet
           pajamas on at 1:55pm
and stand in the rain
              to remind myself
i'm alive
                          not all my senses are dead
                 because i can feel it falling onto me
440 · Oct 2013
"i'm a mess"
maybella snow Oct 2013
empty my insides
into a jar                              
and study                              
what's wrong with me

drill into my skull
to thoughts                                
and find                                
their dark hiding places

rid me of badness      
cleanse me of      
darkness      

****    
me
440 · Jun 2013
remaining upright
maybella snow Jun 2013
i'm just so
tired
        my spine weighs me down
it has lost its
       strength
each vertebra has taken in sadness

they hold it, being my backing weight
         pulling the energy out of me
sapping my life slowly
                        because of the         effort

that it now requires
     just so that
i can hold it up,
     it tires me

        to remain upright
heh just re read that, i wrote it without thinking much, it doesn't exactly run well, but i don't want to change it.
439 · Aug 2013
i feel like a blind person
maybella snow Aug 2013
where's my noah bear?
what's going on?
who are you?
why did my noah go?
where did he go?
where's my love?
you're not him
go away imposter
liar where is he?
maybella snow Aug 2013
i've been
           so close
to crying
                                            so many
                            times today
                                    it is
                                             really quite
                      sad
439 · Jul 2013
GAH
maybella snow Jul 2013
GAH
cute couples
     they're so adorable  
          how they dote over each other
slight glances while the other
            isn't looking
loving messages
               over the internet
      for everyone to see
--------------------------------------------------
my cute other half
             isn't able to talk to me
GAH
    not fair
439 · Oct 2013
asylum seeking
maybella snow Oct 2013
open that box
you call a heart
and let me
reside
maybella snow Jul 2013
gravity                        
reminds me that i'll never
fly                                                            
but its a constant      
and it'll never set out to hurt me            
it means  
that i can put my feet down          
and walk                  
at any time  
because gravity              
holds me there                                    
a never ending embrace        
forever reliable                    
so maybe i can't fly                                                
i'll walk
held in gravity's embrace

*~a beautiful nothing, my something~
438 · Aug 2013
maybe it's a bad thing
maybella snow Aug 2013
that it has been so long
and i've refused to look
at all the pictures
cute messages
                  that you gave me
     complete with an "x"
and "i love you"
                but it just hurts
                way too much
                to think about
                your life                or more importantly
                your death
not ready
i'm just
not ready
to see or
remember
your life
not yet
maybella snow Jul 2013
i am tired              
but its too early to sleep
i am awake          
but my mind isn't          

                                   this isn't a poem
                                                            it's confused thoughts
                                and mild musings

i need human contact
i think thats what it i's
i think thats what i need
                                                            yeah
idek don't ask its really stupid
438 · Jul 2013
death is a prison break
maybella snow Jul 2013
after all the bent spoons          
broken fingernails
cave-ins                                  
i hope that      
this one last attempt
will work                                    
so now          
all I have to do              
is crawl through      
till the end

and i'll be free                                                

from              
this prison
maybella snow Jul 2013
i can't believe
          it took me this  l o n g
   to actually    
                                 fight back
436 · Jul 2013
its only
maybella snow Jul 2013
one                
two                
three              
four                
five                
six feet down
...10 words...
434 · Oct 2013
fly me a kite
maybella snow Oct 2013
tie my heart
get your lies and secure them
make sure they hold it
because my heart
is sure to fly
maybella snow Jul 2013
i don't know if it has anything to do with
     what i do
                           but all my friends seem to be
             in different stages of brokenness
from shattered
     to splintered
     to destructed
     to cracked
                                          is it something i do?
                                 i love them all, and i'll forever be there for them
                                   but even, when i first meet them, and think
"hey you're an alright person"
              by the time i'm really close to them
            they're broken or beginning to break
                   and i'll always help them
but sometimes
i wonder if it might be me
who forces them to break
433 · Aug 2013
my strength is mostly gone
maybella snow Aug 2013
not saying i'm weak
                                                but
i really need
someone to hold me
together
because
                                m
                 a
                                                           y
                                           b
                                                                      e
                          l
                                                     l
      a

                                                                                                s
                                                                                                                                        n
                                                                                          o
                                                                                                                       w


i s   n o   l o n g e r
w     h     o     l     e                                                      a t   a l l
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