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~a constant reoccurrence throughout my day~

i know i'm done
                    with the world

i'm now waiting              
for it to be done                            
with me

*-

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like land birds        
we circle,
chase,                    
                                 glide after each other
over the sea                                  
there's no place          
for a land bird to rest                              

                                      will we simply
stop flying
              exhausted
                                            and drown?
//

you wonder why i cry at night                                          
          i wonder why you don't

sometimes i think
you suspect              
            that i lie
when you ask if i'm
"okay"

and i nod                    
and smile                              

                                          of course i am
                                                                                       lying
i'm scared of you            
knowing the truth

sometimes i think                              
that we                                                      
                               really are
~connected~                                                
                                                because when you tell me
                                      you caused yourself harm

and if i think back            
i remember a                            
                       slashing pain
over my skin    
                                                                                where i hadn't
                                                                                                          done anything

so really                                                    

you're hurting
both of us.

                                                             please stop.

. .

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i messed this up again                                ~why cant you do anything right?~
i just want you to love me                                          ~who would want to love you?~                        
            i don't mean to live this way                                              ~why wont you change?~    
i just want to die                                                   ~is it that hard to live?~                              

will you let me die?

?

i fought back
          against you                         but            
nothing really                                
         changed
                                               at all
sigh                                                                
i tried?                                              
!¡!

: ' ' ' ''. , .  ; ' ' ';
       ' ; ,                 ' ',' :
         : . , . ' ;  ..    :
                                           : ' ' ' ''. , .  ;                                             , ,   ; ' ' '; , .  ; ' ' ' ;                              
                ;  ''                    ',' :                                       ' ; . ,                    ; '        
                              ' :                , ,' :                                                 ; , , . , ; ' ' , ;                        
               ' ', .'   , .  ;'                                       : ' ' ' ''. , .  ;                      
                                               ; ',                 ',' :
                  ; '  '  ;                         ' : . , . ' ;  .. , :
   ' .     '. , .  ;                    
                ; ,                  ',' :                          
               : . , . ' ;  ..    :                      


clouds only look like things
when you have an imagination

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        i wish it was a poem
                                         but i lost it
thinking too much                
about you                                

oxo

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