why can't I stop
thinking all these
harsh poems you
write are for me
I'm trying to
remember
what you
know
                                     are they about me?
                                     because I'm blaming
                                     myself for your unhappiness
                                     so I'm sorry
                                     please
just be happy

I'm empty
but filling slowly up
with self hate
why would anyone love me
when I don't love myself
I don't respect myself
I don't even see anything of me to respect
my stomach isn't flat
my thighs rub together
and my arms are disgusting
my sides are lumpy
and I'm short
                                                  I gag at myself in the mirror
how could I be so disgusting
no wonder no one wants me
no wonder I lay alone every night
the only presence I have is death
because it looms like possibilities

I want someone to want me
to say it's okay that you don't
like yourself, because I love
everything about you
I want someone to help
I need help
help convincing myself
I'm worth living
I'm worth trying

this counselling **** does nothing
******* prove to me I'm worth something
and not just a hole in the groud
tell me I'm beautiful
even though I won't believe it
I'll believe the look in your eyes

someone
help me
someone
love me

lay in bed
cool sheet covering you
and think
                                            or remember
that time you were
ignored by a                 friend                  ?
wonder what it's like
to be them
do they think it was harsh?
maybe               or maybe they were scared
never will you know
what they thought then
and does it matter?
if they            remain in your life
is it because you were loving enough
to forgive them               maybe
they didn't deserve you
                                                                   either way
it hurt didnt it?

let me steal the light
from your eyes
because you stole
the light from mine
in a heartless display
of affection
because you wanted
to light up the stars
as they were sad

did you forget
the fact you took
the light from my
heart, now it's left
with the likes of the
underworld and my
light is in heaven
right where you
put it, in the
stars so they
could shine