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maybella snow Nov 2013
my bones weigh more than my heart
nothing can lift me
i'm not strong enough
getting out of bed in the morning
an adrenaline shot might help
cut the skin here
slash it there
you'll wake up
enough
to fake the light in your eyes
flick the switch
act baby girl
maybe if you believe
there's nothing wrong
they wont notice

i had a break down
i told mum
how i was tired
i wasn't strong enough
to fake it
other days i'm okay
i can pull myself together enough
but today
on that day
i wasn't able to.
she sent me to school
maybella snow Nov 2013
you don't need this                                                           are they just voices?
no you shouldn't eat that                                             because the personalities
you'll gain weight stupid                                                             are in the hues of my heart
don't break the chain of starving yourself
you were getting somewhere
don't eat that you fat pig
okay fine just a little
no, no more

                                care more, she's your friend
                          put her first she deserves more
                                  don't tell her it'll upset her                  what makes you think
           be nice, accepting and make her happy                            you could be worth anything?
        then you can attempt to be happy for her         everyone else left, maybe its time
                             fake it till you make it stupid

you didn't do that good enough
you stupid fat *****
why'd you even think he'd care
just go ******* stupid                                              my exterior disgusts me
you ****** up again                                         my mind revolts me
like you always do, you don't                                           im tired
get anything right
you'll never be
smart enough or pretty enough
just stop
maybella snow Nov 2013
its beginning to work    
these locks are holding emotions in
no one knows my thoughts
               its working                    
              im glad                          
maybe i can save people now
maybe i can care                      
stop being selfish
*****
maybella snow Nov 2013
i know your eyes sparkle
when you look at me
but the lights in my eyes
died before the light got to you
maybella snow Nov 2013
i dont care to be home alone
all the time and know
you have a life
and im just forever
waiting for a time when you might
remember that you once cared
about me too
maybella snow Nov 2013
.
.
.
.
maybe i'll come back
maybella snow Nov 2013
dear panic attack at 1:14am
please don't make a return
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