i stood
right on the railing
of our bridge
that crosses the river
this is
where i stood
for twenty minutes
considering the idea
of jumping
i thought
everything through
how (if) people would miss me
what their reactions would be
how they'd blame themselves
and i knew
things weren't bad enough
(not yet) for me to die
people might not depend on me, as such
but people would blame themselves
and the exact same thing
would happen to them
as what happened to me
when he ended his life
how could i do this
when i know
first hand
how it felt
knowing he died
and i wasn't able
to do anything
no, i can't
i'm not desperate enough
not yet
i'm trying
to get better
before i'm too sad
to live