that might be how you felt                                
and thats understandable                                
but that isn't how i would explain how i feel
i feel as through
the entire world                                                  
is crushing my skull
slowly                        
while weighing down                  
my back, shoulders                    
as a thick consistency
presses into my lungs
squeezing down my
wind pipe
my limbs are                              
tied to invisible                        
elastic bands                              
that hold me down                  
resistance                                  
maybe the world
isn't "against" me
but it weighs
way too much
in my                      
head            
heart            
body            
everywhere
it weighs me down

the trees beckon                            
"hang yourself here
this branch is strong"
cliffs and ledges entice                
"just jump already
its far enough down"
sign posts point directions          
"straight into the rock
off the road"
large water calls out                    
"breathe out, jump in
then breathe in deeply"

i'm scared
everything
is wanting
me to die
everything
is calling
out to me
i can't not
hear it, its
screaming

i was the last
to know about
your death
i had died
millions
of times
before i
knew
for
certain

i've died more times
and am dead on the
inside