see i knew it was different
when you fell and i kept cheering
but when i fell,
you kept walking
you turned around and averted your eyes
but when you fell i helped you up
despite the painful screams i still tried
but when i was hurting
you went inside
you went to hide

i knew we weren’t the same
when a pen dropped and you’d run
but i’d go find the sound
and pick the pen up

you left a mess
and i cleaned up

i’m not on a high horse
i’m simply better
than you, at least
because i learn
because i try
because i’m not afraid of the unknown
and i push away my pride
you’re a pig
i’ll say it, i admit
you’re the worse thing that ever happened to me
but thank you,
cause i learned from it

i can’t explain
i’m on a different plane
i’m not the same

i’m so much better
head strong
no matter the weather
now i don’t care
not maliciously
i simply do not care
for anyone
and it’s nice

coming out of my shell,
smiling and free
my only goal
is to make everyone smile
that’s including me
because now, i’m finally somebody
i always have been
i’ve always deserved to be happy
but when its foggy
it’s kind of hard to see

I thought I was so poetic

I shrug now, but I though I was revolutionary,
so quirky-
Beware the Ides of March,
I had just read Julius Caesar for the first time,
Beware the Ides of March,
that little kid, me, he was so creative,
so caring, so funny,
so
sad
oh, little me was very sad,
only a year apart from now, yet still
little me, I thought I was so different
I thought I would make a change, last year, today
March 5,
I’d warn people beforehand as well but,
honestly, it was a code for “help me,”
I’d say “beware the ides of march” jokingly,
only-
I wasn’t joking I meant it
I said it again, I would say
Beware the Ides of March
keep in mind, wow, what a sad kid
I would say it again,

jokingly.

The first day, March first,
day 1, first day of march
I met realization;
I’d often stop throughout my day, in shock
fear
hesitation
March 2nd,
oh,
this is the month
March 3rd comes fast
I sit
I sit in my room and look around,
this is the week, I thought to myself,
I kept moving
March 4th
I was quiet,
at first,
then remembered, tomorrow
March 5th
I had to be happy I had to be loud,
today was the day after all,
I would be remembered
I would be loved
things would be okay
after today,
like a sacrifice.
I treated life like a sacrifice,
why?

March 5th,
Beware the Ides of March,
Today,
One year

Beware the Ides of March;
today a year ago I wrote my suicide note,
from a year ago to today, i will have been standing here,
alive,
I survived
I didn’t follow through with it,
no, it wasn’t fear that stopped me,
it wasn’t lack of commitment,

Something just didn’t let me go that day
and I looked up
I stood up
I kept going

I didn’t have a single suicidal thought today
A year ago today, I tried to **** myself
but today,
Today I am okay

A lump in my throat
Glueing closed my tear ducts
Don't cry don't cry
You have no valid reason
Oh you're stressed?
**** it up life is stressful