i never believe what you say
because you’ve convinced me
that everything i spew has been
lies, deceit, ****, self-hatred, abusive.

i never ask you questions
because you’re not there, still,
to even answer the phone when i need
somebody, anybody, are you listening?

i never look too closely anymore
at the things you have to show me
because you never wanted me to see
as much as you wanted me blinded

to everything you really are,
and that i could be.

Was she there for you those nights
You cried for every reason why?
Was she there to listen
To all the darkness concealed within your soul?
Does she love you without boundaries?
With every inch of her being?
I did all that I could
My heart was put in the palm of your hand
And even when things were scary
I didn't ask for it back
I showed her how to love you
Because while you were loving her
I was loving you
So it seems like you're happy
And don't notice how you make me cringe
Years of friendship
Were thrown away
Because you're to self centered to see any
Of all the pain you cause me

You were the first to see
Every single piece of me
And for some reason you stayed
But she slowly dragged you away

So was she there for you?
Is she everything you dreamed?
I don't see how she could be
Because the second things are frightening
You find your way back to me

There are so many words tucked inside my heart
I am not sure how to get them all out
Some of them are terrifyingly true
Some are beautiful thoughts about you

They're the words that stampede my head
When you turn and look at me
And my lips quiver begging for your kiss

They're the things my hands cry
When your body is wonderfully close to mine

There are thoughts of love pouring out with my tears
When your company overwhelms me
Because I do not understand how it found me

My spine screams when your fingers are pressed gently against it
My body finds rest at your touch
Desperate that it will never stop

Even in my silence I am always saying something. My body never ceases to stop whispering how there are no words that could encompass the beauty that you are.

I wanna wrap you in my arms
And tell you everything will be okay
But sometimes I realize
I can't always get what I want
And while your away
I think of why this happened
And I think its God asking us
To fight just a little more
To prove that even in distance
Our love can survive
I think He wants us to try
And never give up
I think He loves us
And that's why Hes doing this
To help us see that even apart
We're fighting to be together
He wants us to appreciate what we have now
So we'll appreciate all we'll achieve even more
I have faith things will work out
Because He gives me faith
Because you give me faith
Because no matter what
I love you
And this battle is just another step
To the wonderful life in store for us
He didn't bring us together to break us apart
But instead to make us stronger together
Don't give up yet baby
For all will be okay
Our love will fight on
So baby smile because what we have
Not for what we don't
Give thanks we have this instead of nothing
Smile with me knowing that
As long as we never give up
All our dreams are possible.

Sometimes I wonder why I adore you.
You probably wonder why I adore you too.

Some people might say something like,
It's because I like the way the light hits your face and your hair is perfect even on bad hair days.
It's because you're so beautiful.
Every inch of you is gorgeous.
Your body is magic.
I like when you put your hands in all the wrong places.
You're the perfect height for me to kiss your forehead.
That your lips are nice too, and you're a perfect kisser.
That your smile is flawless.


Or maybe it's really because,
I relate to you better than anyone else on earth...
You're beautiful on the inside. If I could only have you back in exchange for going blind...
Every inch of you is gorgeous, but the person inside of you is what I can't let go of...
Your mind is the real magic, you were never just a pretty face to me...though your face is very pretty.
I like more when we had intellectual talks about things, so much more than the ******...
That while I love the taste of your lips,
I don't need them to survive...
That I can see the pain behind your smiles, but I see the joy in the real ones too...

I adore you because I love all of it.
In one view, you are only a lover...
In another view, you're the best friend I've ever had...
I'd do anything to have you back in my life again...
Back in my arms again...
Because I'd take you as a sister if I had to...
I'd stay away from your lips, though, I'd wrap you up in my arms, for you deserve the warmth,
Because you deserve as many hugs as you can get...and
I'd kiss you on the forehead because you mean something to me, and I'd pretend it's nothing more...

I love you.
I need you.
I want you.
I miss you.
I'm sorry.
I'll do anything.
I'll climb mountains.
I'll be waiting until the day I die for you.
If only you would see...
That I'd still come visit you
When you're out on your own,
Or someday when you're with your husband,
That I'd hide all my pain,
If you'd only let me back in...
Because I love you.
I love you with the kind of love I'll never be able to explain to you.

I don't have to wonder why I adore you. I cherish you more than anything, for good reason.
But you surely don't feel the way you used to, anymore.