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It was an unexpected wind
that carried you in
a golden sun of love
blazed high the sky
bonfire of winter, raven nights
when you glowed breathless
as moon and stars
I decided I didn't like the word
Suicide
After Intermittently interrupting my thoughts
It echoed
And then was too hard to swallow

I decided I didn't like the word Grieving
When it hung in my head
The word too short for it's worth

Grieeeeeeeving
It droned

And still felt empty
No explanation
You will always follow me
Like melting canyon walls
Grown of glass
Forever folding inward
At my back.
In my mind;
Even when the rain clears up
You still stir
Your whitened waters.

One day,
When you left me
Mid-November,
heat still settles in only the South
The sun stole every sip
Slurped up every drop
From every pore
In my thinned body.
You almost killed me
I suppose-
Even then-
You tried to save me
Saving you
Hives across my body:
Holding aquifer pockets
Of your own blood.
You tried to warn me
With swollen, itchy
Reddened feet
My fingers burned,
But I went to sleep.

Awakened with delusion
You kicked at the curve
Of my knee
I; collapsed
Unconscious
With only pain running through my bedrock veins.
You left me,
With white running down my face.
You showed me how much mama loves me
Barely breathing
Bent over my body
With her own salty piece of you falling in my face.

Neaseous,
I could no longer hold you
No matter how much I longed to.
Mama took me to you.
Again, like glass on a November morning you sent ice through blue blood and back to my heart.
Like mama,
You screamed
Until you brought me conscious.

Twice mama had taken me to you
And on the first I'd fallen in love.
Hooked to an EKG
My eyes rolled back to when we met
As they pulled tubes of my blood from body
Weakened, I held only a blurred memory
Of three years ago
When you carried me over your muddied body,
Still with softened white ripples,
And warmed- no matter how far upstream- by July.
It was there
Touching the silk of your skin
With sun on my chest
And life at my back
That I promised
One day,
I would save you too.
a  path
invitation, hesitation
elation, compassion
a truth
intuition led
Sky
Today only clouds
white, blue, grey
always they hover
mingle in tallest trees
too far my eyes
to see

winter sky
pale light
soft, silent
diffused
passing by

everyday
I think
and
dream of you

how you speak
to me
never knowing
my name
Snow is falling
lightest snowflakes float
across fields deep
disappearing
densely slow
my feet

Night is glowing
snowy owl flies
from sight
lost in moon clouds
fading light

Stars are humming
in fields of velvet
black

the earth
the universe
the breath and pulse
of life
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