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i have a twisty heart.
as i pace its corridors,
i find that,
i wish i have never been loved,
i wish i have never loved.
as i pace my heart's library,
i find thousands of books,
most unfinished.
like the book Love.
it didn't even make it through one chapter.
but some are written in mastery.
such as, Sorrow.
now that, that is a 5,000 page masterpiece.
i find a Dictionary.
there is one page, one definition,  
it reads.
     love- something you never want, it brings nothing but negativity, and every type of sadness.
my heart is blurred.
as i quickly leave my hearts library,
i enter the lobby.
everything is white,
the walls, floors, the ceiling.
it almost hurts to look.
there is one thing in the room.
a chest.
i have always had the key.
i could never find what it goes to,
but i know this is it.
i slowly approach it.

i unlock it.
i start hearing a ticking,
like a timer.
i open the chest,
a heart is rigged to a bomb.
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

...

i start to choke.
blood starts pouring,
just pouring,
like a waterfall,
out of my mouth.
my face is no longer as white as snow

it's ****** from my barb wire tears
my demons are saying "cheers!"
then the Devil pulls out a chair  
and he joins the toast to my sweet despair
whenever i swallowed that pill
i knew what was coming
nothing
no smile
no frown
nothing but a heavy coat
on me all day
covering everything
everything about me
i can't emphasize
NOTHING
enough
numbness
it is better to feel sadness, madness
than nothing at all
please parents, just let me free fall

i cannot be this nothingness ghost
Hair of silk
lips divine
eyes that shine
and she is mine all mine.

Full ******* that stood the test of time
legs so long that I could climb up them forever
never angry,never sad
doesn't mind that I am mad
and she is the one
full on
and I am 'solid gone'
I fight the urge to slit my wrists every time I close my eyes.

Did you know that?

I'm so broken. No one wants me. I have good moments but oh my god I fantasize about bleeding to death on a cold night. Please god, I don't wan to fight this. I just want to die.
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