Matthew Walker: Favorites

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Chris

My back has been sore the past week.
I’ve spent too much time
picking up pieces
that I should have left on the ground.
It’s okay to fall apart.
I’ve heard people say
you can put yourself
back together.
I say you can’t.
You must grow new pieces.
The old ones don’t fit.
They will never fit.
You must grow new pieces.
It will hurt.
It will take time.
But by the time you’re finished
you will be filled with
what keeps stars from burning up.
There will be nothing that can
dim your glowing heart,
nothing that can break your
burning bones.
No one will be able to steal
the sunlight in your fingers.
I know some nights will shatter you.
You will fall apart.
It’s okay to fall apart,
because you will grow new pieces.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

I am the beach.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Two Parts of a Broken Heart

I am the beach.

I would refer to sadness as the ocean.
Huge, murky waves crashing
down.
And if sadness was the ocean,
then I am the beach.
Pounded relentlessly.
Walked on by thousands of feet.
There are bits of broken sea glass hiding under my surface.
Poking out once in awhile to reveal my cold insides.
The sand is something people love to flock to,
to confide in.
They whisper secretly to each other when the moon hangs low.
They smile brightly and play in the shallows of sadness.
But they are never fully submerged like I am.
Molecules of water from all over the world float to me, bringing me their tragedies.
I listen to them.
To the mother who lost her son in the war.
To the husband who lost his wife in the airplane.
To the children who have been used lustfully by others.
The whole ocean, is sadness.
And I..
Well I am the beach.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

I'd never tell you

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

raw with love

I'd never tell you

I'd never tell you
that
I love the way you
hold me
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
your lips are imprinted
on mine.
(but they are).

I'd never tell you
that
when we lie in my bed
cuddled up
and the lazy sun rays caress
us
I try to match my
breathing with yours
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
I simply love
the way you absentmindedly
caress my arm
or leg
or shoulder
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
I love feeling
you heartbeat
because it's beautiful
to me
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
I sometimes wake up
at three in the morning
and need you
(but I do).

All I tell you
is
my messed up thoughts
and how broken I am
(and that you fixed me).

I'd never tell you
that
I love you
(but I do).

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Everyone has a past, and maybe you're becoming part of mine.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Two Parts of a Broken Heart

Everyone has a past, and maybe you're becoming part of mine.

I want you to know that I love you.
Every single part.
The parts you have never loved about yourself.
And especially the parts that others don't like about you.

I want you to know that I love you.
I always have.
And I always will.
I've written it thousands of times on scraps of paper and in pen on my arm.

"I want you to know that I love you."

But what they say is true.
There really does come a point when you can't do it anymore.
You can't be the one always loving,
the one always fighting for something that just isn't there anymore.
And I want you to know that it's okay.

There comes a time when you feel yourself fading.
There's not much you can do to stop it,
except maybe try, try again.
But what is the point of living when you have to try that hard?

I've always said that if you don't want me,
I will let you go.
And I meant it.
It's no ones fault, it's just life and it's how it is.

So in a few weeks from now,
or months,
or years.
When you ask me what happened.
What's wrong.
I'll start off by saying this.

*I want you to know that I love you..

The silent resignation of an always somber love.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Memories, Voicemails, and other things that hurt

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Sarah

Memories, Voicemails, and other things that hurt

In the dream I'm running
The beach is fogged
and every breath
Feels like I'm inhaling water,
I'm suffocating.
And I'm trying to save you.
I see your head just barley
bobbing up and down in the water
And I try to jump into the waves that have been home to me for as long as I can remember
But I'm glued to the spot.
Your head doesn't come up
And I collapse to my knees, sobbing
Because I know, that I know, that I know
I'm too late.
I wake up sweating, screaming
3:24
I roll over on instinct and open my voicemails,
It's a muscle memory now,
I've kept those voicemails since you died.
And I listen to your words
And I wonder why you did what you did
And I can almost always tell what your feeling
Your voice tells it all
The memories are there
And I cry for a little girl who thought
every family was like this
I dont know if I can forgive you
For leaving me mom-less by choice.
So as your talking lulls me to sleep
I dream again

"Don't you know, Sarah Bella, that every shell on this beach is different and unique and there are millions of them. That's a lot like people too. People come in different shapes and sizes an colors but they all share the sand, and the ocean, and the sky. So keep that in your heart forever. You always have the sky"
I laugh at my mommy cause her words don't make any sense. But I stop laughing when she pops 4 pieces of white candy in her mouth. She's not very happy when she takes her candy.
"and I'll always have the sky too. Always"

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

HELP

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Fish The Pig

HELP

I'm begging to scream it out loud,

but no one would care.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

I love you.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Fish The Pig

I love you.

You beat me
you break me
you consume me
but what can I do?

I love it.
The pain,
the harsh grip,
the prominent shouting
and ice cold eyes
to match your icy heart.

It's not that I love it,
it's that I know it.
This kind of treatment
is all I've ever known.

Kind words,
a light touch,
and trusting eyes

I could not do that.

It's the monster inside you I fall for,
it's the sadistic ******* that chills my spine
it's the voice that says
I am yours to kick
and yours alone.

Monster who cracks the whip
and sharpens the knife,
Who leaves me black and blue,
I've never loved anything before,
so I might as well love you.

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

well,

Sep 2013 Matthew Walker

Tana Young

well,

my sad soul is where the Devil gets high

10w