I said everything was fine
Knowing you'll never be mine.
Still, I smiled and laughed
While I shed tears
You couldn't see.
But I died inside
When I agreed to still be friends.
All I want to do
Is crawl in a hole and die
But instead I'll just lay here and cry.

May God forgive me
But death is all I see
In my future
I'm sorry

I try to smile
But it's been a while
I try to laugh
But it hurts to try
I look at you
And i almost cry
But you say that it's alright
And suddenly this night
Isn't so unbearable
But then you left me alone
Alone in the dark
I tried to be everything
You wanted but what
You wanted was a **** to call your's
I'm sorry
But that's not me
And I don't know if that's what you see
When you see me
I try to smile
But it's been so long
And i'm too far gone
Maybe way up high
I'll learn to fly
And I'll finally be happy

Is it wrong to be me?
Is your favorite daughter all you see?
You call her day and night
While I sit in a corner and weep
This just isn't right
Why can't I be me?
Why do I have to live in my sister's shadow?
This just isn't right.

Dry your eyes
It's over now
I'll show you the way
I'll show you how

Remember all those crazy nights?
I looked at you
But had no clue
That you'd be the one

I was down
I was done
But then you showed me
How to move on

Now I know
That you'll never let go
I won't fall
I won't lose it all

Because I have you.

I've spent a lifetime
Trying to be who you wanted me to be
Don't you see?
I'm not like you at all
I can feel my barriers crumbling
Old fears tumbling over themselves
I don't know what to do
Because I'm nothing like you
But you know it now
I don't know how
I can't ever face your piercing stare again
I'm sorry dad...

Lies are a beautiful thing.
Like "i love you"
it makes you feel special
but deep down,
you know it's a lie.
i know it's a lie.
but why do you keep telling it?
you lead me on
then shut me down.
i don't know what you want

I used to think you meant it.
i felt protected.
but it was all just worthless lies.
still, lies are a beautiful thing.
they give you hope
and give you faith.
they make you feel loved.
but it's all just worthless lies
i can help it
it makes me wanna cry

why do you do this to me?
i thought i meant something
but it turns out i'm nothing
to
you.
i give you my all
and you give me your lies.
i reach for you
but you just let me fall.
it's all just worthless lies...

you told me everything would be alright
but you
lied.

anger blooms
pain blossoms
the urge is there.
what to do?
keep it in,
explode.
let it out,
****** chaos.
what to do?
the beast inside me
grows every day.
Counseling?
doesn't help.
tell someone?
they'll lock me up.
these thoughts i have
must remain secret
to those around me.
fear of the unknown
fear of harming others
that's what keeps the beast at bay.

Memories of you and me
what we were
and all we could be
haunt my dreams
and muffle my screams
i don't know what went wrong
you cheated after we'd been together for so long
was i not good enough?
will i ever be?
for anyone?
for me?

He came like a summer rain,
much needed after a long drought.
He wiped away my tears,
held back my fears,
but I don't think I'm good enough.
He has no idea how I feel.
Not because he's ignorant,
but because I kept him in the dark.
How would I ever heal
if he were to find out
that i'm messed up,
a broken shell of a girl?
I can make jokes and pretend to laugh,
but inside,
I'm a coward.
Too scared to ever make the first step toward happiness.
Like I said though,
he came
like a much needed summer rain
and swept me off my feet.

I see the disappointment in your eyes.
Don't even try to deny it.
I listen to your lies.
Do you honestly think you can fool me?
I'm your daughter;
I'm your child.
What were you thinking when you brought her here?
Did you expect us to be instant best friends?
I won't speak out against you in front of my new "friend"
because that would end your little fantasy of me being normal.
Well, I have news for you too;
I
am
not
normal.

It's so hard to forget,
but it's so easy to feel regret.
I know I shouldn't,
but I miss you.
They say time takes away the pain,
but that's just not true.
It just softens the blow.
You hurt me, I know.
But that doesn't mean I haven't forgiven you.
I wished for so long that I could turn back the time,
back to when you were mine.
I'm better off without you, they say.
Isn't that for me to judge?
I don't know;
maybe I like getting hurt.

I try my best,
but my best isn't good enough for you.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I disappoint all of you.
I'm nothing but a *****-up,
and the sad thing is,
you think so to.

Every heart has its own rhythm
Not one is the same
You say you're insignificant
but you have no idea how unique you really are
This is your life
It's time to take control
and be who you're meant to be
Never change who you are for anybody

I pull my hair out as I scream
Is this real or is this a dream?
You're standing there as if it's nothing
How could you do this to me?
You're more than cruel
This is obscene
I can't believe it
How could you lie,
when all I did was care for you?
This isn't real
It's not something you would do
At least that's what you said
I can't believe you
You just went and cheated on me
like it was nothing to you
I was blinded by trust
This is something I couldn't see
I gave you my all
and you promised me the world
when you were my world
It all came crashing down
with that single confession,
my world died.
It could have been you and me
living blissfully
if only you hadn't lied
and hurt me like that

If I make no noise,
am I really alive?
Do I exist
if you can't hear me?
Apparently...
I don't
because if I don't speak first,
I'm not allowed to speak at all
but I have a right to.
No one cares about that though.
They  see right through me,
like you probably do.
I am silence.
I make not a sound
and because I am silence,
I do not matter to you
and I am invisible.

All I do
is disappoint you.
I don't read the right books
I don't pray enough
I don't go to church.
I can do no right in your eyes,
so I hide behind this disguise.
I tell you lies
and play the part
but it's all getting to me.
I can no longer pretend.
This life of lies
was never meant to be.
I want you to see my true colors,
see who I really am.
But i'm scared.
Would you like the real me?
Or is this fake person all you want to see?
Can I show you my true colors?

It hurts
in ways you don't know.
I'll plaster on a smile,
but it's just for show.
You'll never know how I truly feel.
The pain is there.
It's very real.
My hopes and dreams
were yours to steal.
But I guess it was never meant to be
now I see
how things are stacked against me.