Sometimes I think
that everyone I trust
just lets me lean against them
so they're in a better position to kick my legs out from under me.
That everyone whom I let learn my weaknesses
will not learn to shield them
as I originally intended, but study
in order to know where to plunge the knife.
Standing under your own power
is so hard
and learning to trust someone
harder
and, in my case, has such a higher chance
of hurting.
I am the man with the broken leg, I
am the man with the traitorous mind, I
am the man who will tear himself down
in absence of someone to do it for him.
Even knowing that, I am standing
on my own feet now. Even knowing
all my own weaknesses, which buttons
to press, I know that trusting
myself, precarious though it is,
is less dangerous
than trusting you.

i.     I love how it's such a given
       I'll do anything for my friends that they
       think it includes letting them walk
       all over me and ******* ripping me
       apart.

ii.    I can't miss the irony in the fact
       that all the music I listen to when I'm hurt
       is music I was introduced to
       by people who ultimately
       hurt me.

iii.  Sometimes I cross the street with my eyes closed
       in order to pretend fate is a thing and
       I have no choice in whether or not
       today is the day I explode
       in beautiful horror.

iv.   It's times like these I miss my cats.
       Because cats don't judge you
       for crying, they just lick
       the shiny marks on your face
       until you stop.

i haven't had butterflies in a really long time
it's only been a year
and people say that that's not a really long time
but to me it feels like a millennium
it feels like cobwebs have taken hold of my insides
desolate and barren.
showing no signs of movement or activity
i haven't had butterflies in a really long time
and i almost forgot what they felt like
but he reminds me exactly of how they feel
because he brought them back
with his warming smile & heart filled laugh
unintentionally of course
but they are now there
flying around
giving me giggles, tingles, and pure happiness
i haven't had butterflies in a really long time
but because of him,
they have returned home
from a harsh, extended winter
and are giving me the warmth
that i thought i forgot
and because of him i remember
and it feels really good
but maybe i don't like it

Excitement overtakes every inch of my body
Anticipation of your face, your smell your touch
No matter what length of time passes the feeling
never dissipates.

The constant feeling of joy like a kid on Christmas,
The overwhelming emotion that fills my heart and soul
at just the thought of you, the mention of your name.

Suddenly a smile has washed away all memory of the frown
that once resided permanently on my face.
The sorrow of loss, the torment of heart break has been replaced
by peace.
All the what ifs, the will I ever? The rambling of my mind that once
consumed me, left me sleepless to wonder through past and present
mistakes has been silenced.
Contentment, what a new and welcomed emotion.
Able to finally feel confident and comfortable in my own skin.
All because of you.
You ,who sees me the way I always wished I could
You, the voice that calmed the raging sea of my soul
You ,who when our eyes meet the world disappears.
You, whom I will never take for granted
Living, residing in each moment with you is all I will ever want or need.