Every time I have to explain myself
I realize something is not getting through
I can’t always worry about the things I say
Someday you'll know what I said was true

I'd rather be honest while we smile at each other
You seem happy but there is something to be found
One day you'll realize what's happened to your mind
Becoming lovers will happen without a sound

You will always be free
Even if we're together
It doesn't mean I don't love you
Because when I think of you I think of forever

I'll live my life while you do the things you do
All I want is time for us to be me and you

I could sing the blues all night long
Or be humble about having a life at all
I don’t want to bring anybody down
I'll let the leaves do that when they fall

I wonder about my place in your life
I have mine too and I don't need another
Sometimes it’s more than we can be
But without love we pretend not to suffer

You will always be free
Even if we're together
It doesn't mean I don't love you
Because when I think of you I think of forever

I'll live my life while you do the things you do
All I want is time for us to be me and you

I know you’re tryin’ hard to resist me
Or maybe it’s not so hard at all
I just know that you tempt me baby
And I’m tryin’ to make you fall

You need to quit thinking so much
And talking about one night stands
There’s always a first time for everything
And that’s not always where it ends

There’s always a first time
But it’s about to walk on past
We need to get things started
Even if it feels too fast
How can we know for sure
If tonight will be forever?
That’s what love is all about
The risk is part of the pleasure

You say no but you don’t walk away
You like to look and listen to what I say
Maybe it’s only what your ego wants to hear
I’ll be around until someone else draws me near

There’s always a first time
But it’s about to walk on past
We need to get things started
Even if it feels too fast
How can we know for sure
If tonight will be forever?
That’s what love is all about
The risk is part of the pleasure

When all seems lost
And you can’t be forgiven
When your feelings are hurt
And you don’t feel like livin’

Let me be your life support
Let me be your life support

When you’re lost at sea
And you can’t see the horizon
When your boat is sinking
And the water keeps risin’

Let me be your life line
Let me be your life line

Honey let me be your life support
Let me be your life line
I know I’m not a doctor
But I’ll be there in time
Whenever you need me
You know where I am
Honey let me be your life support
Honey let me be your man

Sometimes we can’t help ourselves
Sometimes there’s nothing we can do
We all go through hell sometimes
We just need someone to get us through

Honey let me be your life support
Let me be your life line
I know I’m not a doctor
But I’ll be there in time
Whenever you need me
You know where I am
Honey let me be your life support
Honey let me be your man

What if I sang you a song
And bared my soul to you
Is that what it would take
For you to lose your cool?

What if I was on a stage
And said I would die for you
Would you show me your heart
Or would I just be playing the fool?

I know you want love
But you’d rather pretend
You’re saving something
For someday
But I want everything
Today

I have to act like I’m not impressed
You know that’s the game
I’m ready to show you how I feel
But first I need to know your name

What if I walked right up
And didn’t give you a line
Would you still reject it
Or would you think it was a sign?

I know you want love
But you’d rather pretend
You walked right on by
But your eyes don’t lie

You’re saving something
But I want everything
You’re saving something
But I want everything
I want everything
Everything

Who loves life more than those who have no riches
Except for their children who have to be taught to be sad?
Who weeps more for a poor man who perishes
Except for the woman whose heart beat is all he had?

Or is it a man who has too much to lose?

Who loves the land more upon which they wander
Except those who know others do not value their worth?
Who weeps more than those risking their lives crossing a river
Except ancestors sleeping in graves already erased from this earth?

Or is it a man who owns the land with all the rules?

Who loves their children more than those who have nothing to give them
Except for those who do not ask them to glorify their parents?
Who weeps more for the offspring who must learn to be men and women
Except for those who teach them how life does not give always give presents?

Or is it a man whose children do not have holes in their shoes?

Who loves the sun, moon and the stars that await them each morning
Except those who claim them because they are the chosen ones?
Who loves the silent force inside that compels a smile instead of mourning
Except those who allow the spirit to be strong until their judgment day comes?

Or is it a man who knows it is between Jesus or riches that he must choose?

Rolling meadows and green hills
The water receding before me
A curtain blowing in the wind
The rain washed winding road of tranquility
Cleansing the ghostly plains
As the hurt of the estranged carpet
Rises to receive a kiss from the clouds
A canvas living to please an artist
Long may a flat lonely field lay
With a star spangled colored sky
Standing proudly over memories
Of sacrifice and painful cry
The past lies in state
With stories of the old west
Granting passage to expectation
As memory remains at rest
If you can possibly know
Of my love for you
Can you become what I felt today
Can you become a serene view?
For what was always there
Asked nothing of the reflection in my eye
Yet gave everything
And waved as my life drove by

One day I’m going to do it
I’m going to be truly free
I may be too old to even know
But in my mind I will see
I will see everything I ever believed
And I wonder if I will laugh or cry
Because I will be what I never was
And I will know how it is to not know why
I like to flash forward and over-expose my dream
I want to see what a distorted world it might be
In each frame the truth and the fiction alternate
As it speeds up you’ll not know if it’s you or if it’s me
I can think of every mass I ever attended
And how my Father made me stand straight
Or I can think about how stupid I was
When I told someone about their coming fate
But an old man who embarrasses his children
Is not something to aspire to become
But how can I avenge myself against those who I slaved for
If I don’t grow a beard and drink too much ***?
I want a statue on the shore of every eroded dream
I want one facing the north, the west and to the east
But ne’er the south for that is which way the wind came
A freeman must point to that which he knows least
Oh what exaggeration could I tell as the film snaps in my mind?
What words other than these in my hand could shock and awe?
How telling to desire the odd look of bemused judgment from another
For to not care of anyone or anything is the mark of freedom’s call
Yes freedom… and yet how many cannot accept a free man?
How many wish to tell me exactly what I should say, do or wear?
Can a man imprisoned in his own mind lock the door to mine?
Can an escapee be held by someone armed with mere prayer?
In what natural state of light flickered by God’s whims must I seek?
For the reel to reel that comes to my dreams can only be spliced by hope
And even if tomorrow which is all I live for never arrives
I already know what I want to be is what I am as I remove society’s rope

A body has length, width, mass and occupies space
But in what relationship to time?
When did it begin and must it end?
A mere witness is required at the mark of the line

But a rock is not a baby
You could ask a scientist
But as we walk there is no need to know
For the body is there in motion and at rest

For man it is what it is
Utility, beauty, an obstacle
A nuisance
A receptacle
We perceive its properties
And what it means to us
We know it occupies space
Regardless of how gracious
Just because it is
It does not care about what
Unless it knows to survive
Or it bleeds when cut

What science
Tells me I’m cold?
What theory
Confirms I’m old?
There is a perception of what I have seen
Through my own eyes
Without reading a book
I wonder if I believe in lies

I know the absence of light can make red black
I know a rock is a rock
But the illusion is defined by a relation
For color or stone is defined by what it is not

To what end a distraction of sound unoccupying space?
A beautiful sound occupies time
And time stops for us yet we know this is not true
Because the witness has continued to draw the line
The scientist can measure
And I can walk in a circle
As I ponder what it is that I hear
I wonder if that is the particle?
For what man once saw
And could not hear
Was there all along
In the air
When birds flew near

What is next?
Will it erase everything we know?
I don’t need gravity anymore than I need long ago
For what change would be in me
When a magnetism between the earth and myself
Is assumed
While that thing between you and I
Is something I always felt

Someone called it God
Something I cannot explain
I wonder if they can
We are resigned to believe in a superior brain
I read the words about mass and volume
And a higgs and a boson
But the sun continues to rise and set
And the wind and rain fill each season

They broke bread and opened a bottle
They congratulated one another
But who was saved and who was condemned
In a sub-atomic world where no baby can find its mother?

The God Particle
Can it save my Father or your wife?
Can it save the world?
Can it bring my friend back to life?
I think we will continue to suffer
For as knowledge continues to make itself available
We retreat into the minds of others who think
And man defines himself by what he is unable
Yes by what he is unable to do
And what he is unable to know
And what he is unable to conceive
And how he is unable to grow

They say no man is happy who is not dead
I say where pain does not exist life will then end
For what is remembered are the scars we wear
Even as our joy is preserved in the faces of our children
I wonder of all the moments spent waiting for a moment
A moment of joy in order to bear the moments that sting
We sleep, wait and relieve ourselves constantly
If but for these times to gather what would it bring?

You ask life to come closer but why can you not approach first?
What eyes of blindness can see without opening to face your fears?
What ill will towards those who hurt you can transform your bitterness
When believing in the unseen is felt in the promise of never-ending years?

What is buried and silent cannot bring wisdom or joy, only wistfulness
The dream said their voices are screaming the answers yet I hear only the wind
Within fantasy’s martyrdom I watch as her beauty strips itself before me
While an awakening rooster crows once more as I deny what reality did send
There is no time except in the instant neither recorded or upon which we wait
Who can deny the courage of a man who finds room for another blemish?
There is no life without pain and no pain without love
Whether it happens as imagined is no matter except what happens before it is finished

Who’s everyone talking to?
I thought by now true consciousness would transcend the me generation
The zero’s have already passed and we hide our minds behind our darting eyes
Each of us unto ourselves as creativity has been substituted for sampled reality boredom
Plastic sheets of electronic thought arrangement made to order
Recycled hero’s priced beyond the dreams of street urchins
Imagination unplugged as shock is delivered to your carpal tunnel fingers
Glancing at reality to measure the distance between metal before returning to civilizations ruins

Did you hear a word I said?
I told you that I love you
I told you about a problem that I had
But the scroll widened to the edges of attention deficit view

It's just as well that you didn't know what happened while you drank yourself into oblivion
Your addictions were planned in past decades by people who now buy islands
They laugh at how they made robots out of beating hearts
And you continue to let another ten years pass because the gun was taken from their hands
I wish my face to be in your hands
To see the excitement in your eyes as flesh and nerves are rediscovered
Maybe you can call me and I will answer as our fears are sheltered by a touch screen
And if our feet happen to collide we will see how the human touch is not to be wired

You can either open it
Or break it
Either way
I’m  going through the window

You can keep the door locked
Or take it off the hinges
I really don’t care for it anymore
Any more than I care for convention
Or moderation
Or compromise
Or normality
Or civilized behavior

I wish to be known as a wild person
The one with a dent in his car that he won’t fix
The one who’d rather live in one room than in a mansion
The one who could remain silent the entire weekend
A recluse
Unaffected by trends
The man who decides to cross the freeway
On foot

I’m just tired
Tired of small talk
Tired of being the jester
Tired of pretending I give a **** just so I can get laid
Tired of your expectations of me
Tired of worrying if you are bored
Tired of trying to be interesting in a loud room
Tired of watching people set fire to things that require the ability to think
Tired of everyone’s desires

You can have mine
I left them in the room
It’s under the broken glass
I decided not to raise the window
That would be the normal way to do things
Except this isn’t normal
Remember
I’m leaving through the window
So breaking it seemed more appropriate
What’s the point of raising it?
That would seem to be the thing to do
Right?

But that’s the point
I don’t want to do what you expect
Even when I’m doing what you don’t expect
The surprise is within the surprise
As you are pondering what I’m doing
It compounds upon itself
To the point where you say
That’s pretty wild

Yeah
It is

Everywhere I go I hang my home on the wall
You can’t really see it but I know it’s there
It could be framed by red, blue or maybe white
But what I know to be necessary is not about how you care

A smokey virus of tangible helplessness
Follows a long period of being in the know
It may take a week or possibly an additional day
Then I will know what direction to blow

The ditch continues in the alley behind the latest
So many have flooded it with aspiration
I don’t recognize the latest color
But I know the sound from a long ago consideration

You can’t imagine what it is that a day will bring
Unless you you’ve lived long enough to turn to experience
In the fear of repeating what was abandoned long ago
You think maybe it’s a search that ended with your last romance

Even though I always thought it would be the perfect scenario
An adult situation is really just tick tock watch the clock
I could try it out just to see what happens while I pleasure someone
But pride can’t live like that so that’s not a door where I’ll knock

Sometimes I walk backwards into the bathroom because it makes me smile
Or maybe argue with someone over who was at the window first
You can’t really know what makes a man happy any more than a woman
What seems simple is in fact a front for a death row march into a used curse

If I make you wait long enough for you to marry another man would you do it?
Would you wait that long and tell him you love him but in fact see my face?
You may have to do it because one day I may not even recognize who you are
When the final word of approval evaporates then the flowers will die in the vase

The gravel and dust is at eye level
That happens when you are sliding on your roof
The wheels are in the air pointing out your mistakes
I thought about a priest but I cut out the middle man

It’s like living on catsup and boiled water
The soup really doesn’t help but tells the story
There’s no glory in digesting a metaphor for your life
But at least it’s not from somebody else’s can

You see the rocks and leaves fall into their destiny
The tsunami of time and chance does not think about you
It just rolls over you and is shocking in it’s immoral decisions
You thought karma was on your side but that’s not the plan

I bought lunch for a stranger the other day
I overheard her telling the waitress her troubles
I decided to be her angel but she never knew who I was
Now I’m miles away and wondering who am I better than?

I know the answer and you don’t have to point me in the right direction
It’s not something that I can’t sense on my own
Giving twenty dollars away is not exactly setting the world on fire
One day I’ll face the music instead of living life on the lam

I’m so tired of waiting for something to happen in my life
I’m aware of every known amazement to man
Every mountain
Every ocean
Every valley
They all have a name
But I've renamed them
They all have a new name
Indifference

I am aware of all my limitations
Both mental and physical
I’ve had this feeling before
Where I’m bursting through my skin
And all feeling is directed towards meaning
And I hate that I don’t know the answer
I hate that I have limitations
I cannot begin to learn every language
It seems someone must know something
Beyond borders
Beyond religion
Beyond culture
Beyond imagination
It has a name
Consciousness

The other day a man spoke to me
He knew everything
He saw in me his audience
And he smiled as he spoke
Quickly
Fact after learned fact
The more I listened the more excited he became
He said my strengths were his weaknesses
And his strengths were my weaknesses
I wasn’t an eye rolling wife
Or a bored student
I wanted to know what he knew
And he told me that I knew already
Even though it was new to me
Not life
But how he described it
He said wait for it
It is coming
It has a name
Hope

I saw a picture of a girl the other day
They were showing off her flat tummy
Every girl I know secretly wants to eat like a man
And they suffer for it
But there it was again
A flat tummy
And it was more important than what that man told me
That man is stuck between dirt roads and death
He will never be your neighbor
But her flat tummy will be
It will be next to you everywhere you go
Because that flat tummy is what this world is about
And she has nothing to say
She doesn’t have to
All she has to do is stand there
And men will want her
And women will hate her
It has a name
Superficiality

I love that girl with a flat tummy
Why does she have so much power?
Yet I don’t want her to speak because then she will lose her power
It seems I need her in my life
I am drawn to her beauty
It is the only thing that I never tire of
Why?
It has a name
Lust

I know there is an answer
But is it THE answer?
It’s an old book
But that book has its enemies
The book collects dust then is brushed off
It seems it is needed and then discarded
But the words never change
People memorize the words
People hate the words
People believe the words
It describes a world that is only known by wall paintings and fragments
A manuscript is not a picture
There isn’t anyone we can talk to
It requires we believe in the suspension of the laws of physics
It requires we believe something that our mind says can’t be true
Yet what we are left with are other things that can’t be true
What is truth when truth is something no man can create?
It has a word
Faith

The good thing about having children is you see the cycle
You see the desire for things that you eventually discard
You see how they begin even as you end
And you know where it will end
Yet they want it so badly
And you ask why?
Why must they indulge themselves and learn from their mistakes?
Why can’t they just believe in me?
But I see myself in them and remember when I loved each day for what it would bring
Yet what it brought had been written in every book
And experienced by every man
But I couldn’t get to the end fast enough
And now the end is here
Not of life but of experience
Because now it is a matter of living with the knowledge that this is it
But this knowledge is not enough to propel me back to my place of birth
Where my mother suffered to allow me to know these things
It has a name
Ritual

What is the next step?
Every moment is designed to create a box for my children to begin
They are in the box and I stand watching it
I know they will someday emerge but they must live in the box
Everything they touch and see will describe the box
From the inside
But they don’t know it’s a box
One day they will learn of the box and realize it was their limitations
There is no size or distance between walls to describe
Each box is different
It only depends on one thing
Curiosity
And when boredom outweighs curiosity then they will emerge
Because they will see how nothing they know provides the answer
It has a name
Meaning

I hope they can join me
But for now I will remain silent in my ridicule of meaningless pursuits
I will let them do the things I did
But it is easier for me because they are not as reckless as I was
Today I drove through my past
I saw the homes of my old friends
I remember the things we did to fool our parents
It was easy to do what I wanted even though I knew the rules
Maybe our parents just believed in us
Like I believe in my children
It is the irony of knowing better
It is what you think but you really don’t know
We don’t know our children yet we think we know of life
It has a name
Delusion

He had a lot to say about life
He’d just about seen it all
He'd been taught a few things
About how love can rise and fall

He said a man’s as faithful as his options
And it’s an insult to turn a woman down
He always looked hard at beauty
But he never liked their little crown

He would ask, “What does it mean
When a woman does a double take?”
Then he’d say, “It means she’s mine
‘Cause a girl won’t look at what she won’t make”

He was cocky
Because he knew what he had
He’d been burned before
But he figured it was their bad

If a woman wasn’t deep enough
He’d go to the bottom without her
He didn’t like the social scene
That's not what makes his heart stir

He hated that song about girls wanting to have fun
It told him all he needed to know
He wanted somebody who was a little more than that
And not just something for show

He wondered what his last love should be
But would it be a woman or just to live free?
It’s hard to know what’s the best thing to love
Should it be a person or something you can’t see?

American soldiers
In black and white
But I saw red white and blue
They were sad
But they were brave
They loved their flag
But they loved each other more
They have a history
Of glory
And horror
We see the movies
We know of the destruction of tyranny
Today it seems our country is at war with itself
But for a moment in history
We came together
And defeated evil
We found the truth of Auschwitz
And we made the Germans bury the dead bodies
We made them walk down death row
Slowly in a solemn procession
So they could see what they had done
Their tears were frozen solid
From the cold of what they had ignored
The witness to this evil cannot accept an apology
He cannot forgive because he saw the devil’s eyes
And he knows there is no remorse
The dread of going back wakes him up at night
The only one who understands was killed in battle
Why did he not receive his own bullet of glory?
Mental illness gains no understanding for a veteran
Asking for help is not how a warrior wants to live
He wants the glory of battle and the strength of his victory
And yet he remains broken while we revel in our holiday
Can the ears of a man who walked in hells corridors hear you?
Can he ever smile again knowing the truth of freedoms cost?
And yet these old men are slowly dying
And our flag is not respected by all
The reasons for respect are being challenged
There is no emotional bond between fear and victory
Strangers do not kiss in the streets
The heroes are not welcomed home
And some question what we did
But not those buried in tombs of sacrifice
The do not have that luxury
For a man who sits passing judgment
Cannot know for whom he serves
Except the erosion of the national will
Yes it is good to love peace
And to let doves fly
But when it is time again
Whom will hear the bell
And whom will flee?
Maybe the soldier doesn't agree
He has seen it all
We assumed glory and honor was ours to keep
And asked our soldiers to fight again and again
Each time he lost his standing
Little by little
Because money became the God
And the soldier became the tool
People smile at the idea of his valor
But refuse to hear his tales of confusion
It is never easy to **** another man
No cause exists at the point of impact
But to honor a solider is to honor his memory
For when called upon he served
And now he calls upon you to listen
But is he being heard?

We couldn’t find our way
So intention became consequence
We set each other free
And waved goodbye to everything
Except remembrance

Now you’ve come back
With your lonely heart in your hands
We said hello again
But my memory of you
Doesn’t understand

What is it that you love?
Is it me or my company?
Could you love just anyone
Or do you love only me?

I like to watch planes fly overhead
Just like I like to look at you
But when I’m on board it gets too bumpy
Just like love when you say I do

It’s a funny thing to think about
People trying over and over again
It’s as if they have no memory
But nothing burns like an old flame

We had a dream once
But they write books about dreams
There are so many holes to fill
Someone else has to tell you what it means

I could love you every night
But we always seem to forget
We both know how good it feels
But we’d rather paint our next regret

I always felt like I was sleeping out in the rain
You would walk by and only see my faults
But it’s not my fault that you can’t love me
Maybe one day we’ll start acting like adults

You will know love
When you rid yourself of desire
You will know love
When you no longer demand or require
You will know love
When you set someone free
You will know love
When your faith flows gently
You will know love
When you live and let live
You will know love
When you do not ask and instead give
You will know love
When you can accept another’s choices
You will know love
When you listen to other voices
You will know love
When you honor the life of another
You will know love
When you liberate instead of smother
You will know love
When you understand a problem
You will know love
When you try to help them
You will know love
When a vow is renewed
You will know love
When your destiny is understood
You will know love
When you let yourself go
You will know love
When your heart tells you so

Man cannot live by bread alone
Yet souls were sold for food
To be enslaved by those who chanted
“God is great, God is good”
Shackled together
With the Devil as their bride
In his view they lived
In his laughter they died
The vortex of inhumanity
****** them to their grave
The ship pitched forward without remorse
With no wake except an uncaring wave

There is no sound at the bottom of the ocean
The moon pulls the tide high with prejudice
The flowers wash ashore far from away from hope
The barnacles feed at the tomb of injustice

Where hands are extended to one another
To touch stone that once was flesh
The holiest of the holies rise again
In memory of a voyage that we pray was blessed
What suffering must a man endure
That he cannot rest behind a white picket fence?
Instead with nothing to live or die for
We wonder of God’s will acting at man’s expense
We will never forget our past whether right or wrong
And we will plunge the depths to discover what is true
No monument at sea will ever forgive our trespasses
And no shame will wither away in the ocean blue

I did not conceive for my own glory
An unconditional harvest
Provides soil for love
Unmarked seeds
In full spectrum
Scattered in the wind
As you await the discovery
How will they bloom?
With only nourishment
And a clear path
Pruned of expectation
Mulched with pride
To blossom with their own hue
The farmers hand never raised
Except in awe
Of life
And raw emotion
And not of self
Except to see in their pose
Reaching for me
Their light
Until the day
When they will leave
To adorn another’s gaze
But regardless of their place
They will live
In full approval
Of what they have become
For in themselves
They will know no burden
Of my needs
Other than to love me
As I loved them
And as they weather every storm
And every temptation
And every rejection
They will remain in place
For the farmers field
Has been spread before them
To walk
With his strength
Because they came from him
Not to count his glory
But to count his blessings

The pulpit is in my heart
My passion rings its own bell
There is no need to dip into your water
For my cup never strays far from my own well
You wonder about my time
And how it is spent
With things unseen but heard
And you wonder where they went
But where does laughter go
Or sadness
Into our souls
Or into forgetfulness?
It is no matter
For what is worth
In things we measure
If we cannot take them from earth?
You see a dreamer
And his faraway eyes
You become restless
With his constant goodbyes
To where he must go
To things you cannot see
For his hold on life
Are on what he has set free
And each night
When the song ends
And the still air is silent
He will sleep with invisible friends

There is hope in sadness
Because honesty
And not falsehood
Along with true emotion
Opens its door to comfort you
Because it will receive you
And offer its blessings
To mingle with your own
On a winding road
Of love
You see my daughter
And her smile for my heart
In this I know
The hope that we long for
Is sprouting in the next generation
As we who have lived
And search for our youth
And for something new
Remain in reposeful wait
To live on
In the knowing
Of where we have been
And where we will go
But for me
It is the very feeling of loss
That offers dignity
And quiet assurance
That regardless of my tears
Life will go on
And a little girl
Will be the one who will make you happy
So take her hand
And look past my troubles
And see yourself through her eyes
As she asks you
To show her what you know
And what you love

The days are long
But the years are fast
As is time and motion
What once was decades
Can now be measured in days
Days to live
What is the point of slumber
When you can hear him sing in your sleep?

Is this the end?

I think I saw the hands move
And the ticking
The god-forsaken ticking
I hear it in my sleep
I hear it as I set my sail
And even over the ocean’s roar

I think I saw the earth move
And Atlas groaning
The god-forsaken groaning
I hear it in my sleep
I hear it on the city streets
And I wonder what am I in for?

I think I saw the moon move
And Selene crying
The god-forsaken crying
I hear it in my sleep
I hear it as I walk alone at night
And it is hard to ignore

I think I saw the sun move
And Helios chariot
The god-forsaken chariot
I hear it in my sleep
I hear it as I turn my head
It carries me past the poor

The days are long
But the years are fast
As is time and motion
What once was decades
Is now measured in days
Days to live
What is the point of slumber
When you hear him sing in your sleep?

Is this the end?

Dying’s not the problem
There's nothing for me to solve
It’s in the living
Where we need to evolve

We crawled together
Caterpillars on leaves
We found each other
And shared our dreams

We knew our place in life
And dared for more
We had a sense
Of what was in store

Would it be life after death
Or some kind of revelation?
Like grandparents alone on a porch
We yearned for transformation

How can you believe in what you cannot imagine?
Faith is so hard in a world so unrevealing
We see our limitations and wish for something more
So we separate our fate into a coffin of our own making

Is she thinking of me while I suffer?
Is she sad and lonely too?
Something though is happening to me
There is something that I must do
I cannot share a moment so private and personal
And yet this is about what two people can be
As revealed truth emerges will she be waiting?
Will a memory allow my life to be free ?

It is time to fly now
The past is over

Who will fly with me?
Who will be my mate?

I am bathed in a gentle kiss
From a shadow that knows
Of the past and of a dream
As together we choose our rose
For God has answered our prayers
The crawlers have risen
We have shed our fears
And into our souls our love has been woven

I have a garden in my head
Of emotions that need to be pruned
There’s a memory for everything
But I need to make more room

I got to tell you something
And it’s about my life
It’s changed like I never knew
But it’s something  I like

I don’t have the dread
And I know what to do
I get up every day
With what I’ve been through

A doctor told me some news
But I shrugged it out of view
I’m not supposed to worry
Maybe God will see me through

I wonder about him a lot
And what he thinks of me
Everybody has their opinion
About their own personal deity

I was walking in the mall
And a pretty girl tried to sell me
She said, “Take it, take it!”
But I told her, “Nothings free”

It wasn’t so much that I said no
But that I didn’t lose my train of thought
When a smile shines so bright
Sometimes you can easily be bought

How can I wander amongst the minstrels
And the ladies in waiting to capture my heart
When I no longer live in their world
And cannot play the expected part?

There’s something I got to tell you
I’m tired of being miscast
The person you thought you knew
Hs become a stranger to his past

If you want to talk
Then let me know
But don’t bring your desire
Because I let mine go

Jackson Reilly may not be real
Neither is the story he denied
But somebody saw something
And somebody is the one who lied

He knows what really happened
He’s the keeper of the conspiracy
He was there before you arrived
He’s the one who made truth a fallacy

What really happened?
Did anyone break the law?
The facts don’t mean anything
If you didn’t see what he saw

He’s a pawn just like you and me
Maybe one day he’ll tell us
But it won’t change a thing
A lie has no cause for justice

Does anyone really care?
Everybody knows history is about winners
Is this what we teach our children?
Yet we tell them not to be sinners

Jackson Reilly is a fiction
But that’s where truth goes to die
Somebody saw something
But somebody was forced to lie

What really happened?
Did anyone break the law?
The facts don’t mean a thing
If you didn’t see what he saw

Is today another day we forget?
Are you the person they’re gonna’ deny?
Will we ever know the reasons why?
Will we know the questions to ask
Of a past that told us goodbye?
Way back when somebody decided to lie

“I had to make something of myself”
He had tattoos and a shaved head
His past was more than a memory
It was a life that that almost left him for dead
As I let him stick the needle in
I felt no pain while I measured his pride
My indifference was for a moment forgotten
As I considered his leap across the great divide

“Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”
Mere words spoken easily on a sunny day
Should a man define himself by his possessions
Or the distance traveled to find his way?
The gates of hell were made known to me
As the pardoned ghetto rat walked my way
In his calm moment he spoke as if he had seen God
And reminded of the blessings we throw away

“Honor your mother and your father”
His child wanted to climb only one family tree
He carried the mark of brown and white
And wondered which one he should be
But there is no choice to make
It is the life of a half-breed
And the gangster nurse knew
The pain his choices would breed

“Oh so now you’re too good for us”
His future was as uncertain as his past
But in the wisdom of the violence he had vanquished
He knew it was time to stop the legacy at last
The man with the face of America’s fear
Said goodbye to the people who had his back
In his hands were the eyes looking for a father
And in his words was the courage that I lack

I was doing what I do and didn’t do it right
And I muttered something off-color
It wasn’t anything I’d said in a while
But it was so natural like I was its mother
I suddenly remembered what it was
It wasn’t anything that I need to explain
But for me it was a sign of how nothing is really over
Everything that ever touched me lives in my brain
A habit now precious to me suddenly appeared
It was so trivial on the day of its birth
Yet this child reminded me of my friend
And he lived in this moment though he left this earth
Where are you my friend?
We lived together
We talked and broke bread
You painted scenes with your minds feather
Then they called me
The loner made everything real
It was your final act
You killed the thief that lived to steal
Your mind
Your happiness
Your worth
Even your sadness
It would not let you be
There was no rest
Joy was an explosion
Sad was death
You couldn’t live with us
You tried to tell me the sickness
Life was only a curse
But a man must hide his weakness
To die was the only way
There was no time for our hearts to beat
You touched my life but you will never know
But as I see the stars, one day I hope our eyes will meet

No matter where I am
I’m ready to leave
As soon as I do
I begin to grieve
Is there no place for me
To draw from contentment?
Is there no time signature
That will allow accompaniment?
It’s best to be a shooting star
Leave them begging for more
Make them wonder why you leave
But their questions you should ignore
Yes this is how it is
Lockets of time to be collected
Wait until the chain calls
Then bring another to be connected
I can do nothing but come and go
This is how it must be
In the leaving is the seed
For the next flower you will see
In the absence
The rain will fall
Tears that sow
My hearts knowing call
This is the way of life
And longing is our secret
For we will rush together
Before the next beautiful regret

Why are we digging up graves
And picking their forgotten pockets?
We want to bring them up
And wear a dead man’s locket

A doomed ship brings comfort
At least they died in history
To a man who has nothing
It’s better than anonymity

How you gonna die
When you don’t know how to live?
What’s the point of fighting
When we all forget to give?

A man only see his color
And still he points a finger
A woman sees her *******
And still wants a man’s power

They only want what you got
Or they want to see you fail
Either way that’s how it is
Just don’t ask them for bail

Who wants to **** a man
For the sins of their father?
Who wants to silence your mind
Because freedom can’t be bothered?

Forty years ago they sang of Green Berets
And being on the Eve of Destruction
Now it's the same thing and I can't believe
How can we suffer so long and keep passing it on?

I never met a man who talked so freely
Like a man who can’t be found
We hear the voices from the wilderness
Tearing the fabric of which we were bound

I know people who hate me
Because I won’t hate the one’s they do
They say I’m the problem
And the world will be better when I die too

I wonder where I can live without all the noise
Maybe one room is all I need
Just some candles and book from long ago
Then I can relax instead of bleed

I’m ready to lose all my money
I’ve already picked out my street corner
It’s just a matter of time before you see me
Then you can drive by and throw me a quarter

I wonder if I could really do it
Live in the rain and cold outside of churches
I wonder if the President would take me in
Guess I’ll sleep under newspapers printed with his speeches

It seems everything that mattered happened long ago
I still cry when I hear songs of my childhood
I can't find a new memory to take their place
Maybe when I die I'll see them before they light the wood

Wake me up when my dreams have come true
But not until yours have had their chance
I’ve learned to live while I sleep
You can have the day's next cheap romance

Is it you
Or your shadow?

Who does the talking?
I can’t seem to find either one of you

It never follows
It never speaks
Except to the weak

What did you do to it?
Or what has it done to you?
Do you know?

I stare at the sun for truth
And watch for its shadow for relief
But the sun has no shadow for me
Only a fleeting glimpse of what I will never be
But for what the sun will not allow
I will find with the turn of a cheek

How strange
To explain a lost shadow
There are no words to tell
Except a woman without a shadow
Is a man without a woman in his life

I stare at the moon for love
And watch your face for relief
But your face has no love for me
Only a fleeting glimpse of what could be
But for what the moon will allow
I lose with the turn of your cheek

In a confused state of an indelicate world
With normality turned upside down
And all wrong which finally feels right
I stare back at the sun to see where I’ve been

A voice is heard from the sky that has always known me
Since the day I first noticed its presence it has waited for this moment
Was it spoken today or a thousand years ago?
What message is so important to travel such a distance
Only to arrive in the light eclipsed by the shadow of doubt?

The shadow knows as it reveals itself only to the weak

We’re breathin’ hot air
Talkin’ ‘bout class warfare
But the poor they don’t care
'Cause politics don’t mean nothin’
When you’re needin’ somethin’
To end your despair

They ain’t readin’
Intellectual half-witted bleedin’
Who go home smilin’
It don’t take much thinkin’
For you to be realizin’
The lies ain’t worth chokin’

When you see the same beggin’
On the dyin’ corner
You get to wonderin’
Why do they keep pleadin’
If it ain’t good or is it just somethin’
They can’t stop repeatin’?

It’s a thinkin’ man who knows
That even with nice clothes
You can’t sleep all that well
‘Cause he sees the endin’
Of the ******* dreamin'
He’s been trying to sell

What you can say
Is you really don’t know why
Except maybe you should try
Maybe the poor man is better off
‘Cause he ain’t worryin’ ‘bout pride
Or recollectin' his last lie

They keep pollutin’
And we keep losin’
No matter how hard your workin’
It’s an insider’s creation
And a suckers frustration
‘Cause the chads got no salvation

My heart is only a part of something greater

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter where they may lead

I thought the one I had was whole

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter the hate it may feed

But in a world of estrangement

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter if it is from greed

You look for the part someone stole

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter that I did not plant the seed

Or was it never yours to begin with?

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter the pain it may breed

Maybe we’re born searching for the pieces

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter a wrongful deed

And once they are found and then lost again

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter how evil my creed

You realize the harm caused by your injustices

The way it’s rainin’
It’s just like forgettin’
Pain that lasted a lifetime
Because it was swept away by your love

The way it’s rainin’
It’s just like rememberin’
Love still works
When you decide to let it in

It’s rainin’
Like never before
Summer can wait
For as long as it takes
For the rain
To bring you to my door

An old creek bed still knows what to do
You just have to give it what it needs
You can let your heart dry up
Or let it rain and see where it leads

It’s rainin’
Like never before
Summer can wait
For as long as it takes
For the rain
To bring you to my door

The way it’s rainin’
It’s just like livin’
In her garden
With flowers she planted long ago

The men in her life go their own way
First it was her Daddy
Then soon her brother too
I wonder if she will always have to say goodbye

She never loses her love for us
She forgives and insists we’re a family
Neither of us are as strong as she can be
She smiles knowing tomorrow is the day to cry

I wonder if she’ll ever feel at home with a man
She learned about men early in her life
They make her happy
But it only lasts as long as the last piece of pie

She runs to me with grace running through her veins
I’ve never been able to leave yesterday behind
Yet she can always open a new day of sunshine
She just loves me and I never have to ask why

She lives her life of dolls and being Daddy’s girl
She plays mom to her brother but loves him just the same
One day he’ll miss her and remember these days
Until then she’ll hug us while tomorrow closes it’s misty eyes

Go ahead and flip it
It doesn’t matter to me
I’ve lived on both sides
In calm waters and stormy seas

People call heads or tails
And watch their fate in the air
It could be right or wrong
It could be here or there

Give me both sides
Because that’s how I live
There’s no reason not to be real
I take as much as I give

People can’t make up their mind
The change how they think and look
They want the yin and the yang
It’s something they read in a book

I cross the tracks every day
With pride and without shame
No matter where I stand
I always feel the same

Give me both sides
Because that’s how I live
Do you think you can be real
If they show you how to forgive?

White and black living separate
One with hope the other desperate
A baby has to be taught to know its place
Why can’t we be human instead of just a race?

Give me both sides
Because that’s how I live
It’s time for us to be real
I wonder if you will forever misgive

I don’t have a white horse
I don’t even know how to ride one
And so we begin the disappointment

How much time is needed
For your heart to decide
If I can provide you the right moment?

The moment you dreamed of
The instant in time you crave
To relieve you of your lonely torment

Have you ever wondered about the dreams of a man?
And if you are not that dream
How can you expect him to live under your judgment?

I wonder if you will understand
That as we kiss
Time will stop for as long as your lips are in agreement

And when they part to allow further exploration
Will you know my desire has made the journey
Past your own to ask your heart for its consent?

Do you feel the shock of indecision
While you moan feelings of need
And reach wildly as morality makes its inevitable descent?

And now with the roaring fire of complete surrender
Burning in ways you never could contemplate
Will you set before it your dream for its abandonment?

What you could have never known
Was your imagination was steeped in fantasy
Melting, as my touch made all your plans transparent

As the fear of my power rises before you
And the prospect of my allure to others such as yourself
You must decide if I am worth the gamble for your fulfillment

We want things to be easy
I look back on time and wonder
How could they be so strong
While we carry signs and grumble?

The world is a museum of invention
Yet we grow weaker each day
We have built our shelter
But our minds have gone astray

Once upon a time
A man looked to the West
He only needed freedom
And without he could never rest

His spirit arrived before him
With its silent call of courage
He never worried about time
In dust his dreams would forage

He didn’t know the words
Entitlement or welfare state
He had a horse and wagon
In the back rode his fate

He broke the hour glass
And kept moving on
No pause for help
Only his word to rely upon

No comfort in the cold
Or parsing words of nuance
Instead they tilled the land
And became men of renaissance

The pictures of old wise men
And words without a face
I wonder if they would laugh
At the state of the human race

A story teller of the past
Who lives on as we complain
An odd looking sort
By the name of Twain

Another painted a ceiling
While laying on his back
For years he toiled
With the artistry we lack

These are my heroes
Not a man screaming in the streets
Demanding more leisure
He is no better than the elites

They lived apart in distance and time
With years between shared utterances
They lived without going viral
Only hoping for history’s remembrances

As grown men show you their palms
Demanding them to be filled with coin
Every result to be guaranteed
The fruits of another to be purloined

Can you see what has happened?
Can you see the rising tide?
No man who makes demands
Can ever be denied

A politician’s waste
In the name of a good deed
Today we fired another
Tell me… where will it lead?

I keep searching for answers
But there’s none to be found
Everybody's waiting for the end
Problems make the world go round

My friend says, “It’s almost over”
I hear it every day
He smiles when he says it
It’s as if he is ready to lay

It’s almost over
But when will we know?
It’s almost over
It’s time to let it go
Time to let it go

There’s too many mouths to feed
And too many playing the game
Nobody has the answers
But they know who to blame

Could it be in your reflection?
Maybe that's too simple
Someone told you to look
But all you see is your temple

It’s almost over
There's no room to grow
It’s almost over
It’s time to let it go
Time to let it go

The more we want
The less we receive
No matter how much we try
The poor always grieve
God said pour the oil on my feet
Because I won’t always be here
He was right you know
The streets are filled with tears

It’s almost over
What debt will you owe?
It’s almost over
It’s time to let it go
Time to let it go

What is it you are trying to prove?
I’m not sure you even know
Who are you, really?
Maybe you should start there
Before my mind begins to take control

Are you so susceptible
To another person’s weaknesses?
We don’t even know each other
And already you have lost
There is nothing behind your aliases

Where is your disgust?
Why have you not summoned the necessary levels of disdain?

To find yourself
You must first **** me
**** everything about me
Empty the cup
Break the cup
And walk away

Can you not cleanse your mind?
Can you not build the anger necessary to walk alone?

Anger not
To hurt
Anger not
To hate

Change from within must come from without
Without influence
Without fear
Without hesitation
Without need
Without a past

Change for you must come from you
Who you are
What you are

No matter the reflection of your past
And the echo of familiar voices
Walk alone
Until the day you turn around
And see your inspiration in those making the same choices

Do you love your child?
Do you believe bullets are better than flowers?
Can you even speak the words?
What difference to a life of dishonest existence?

The avoidance of light
And knowledge of truth
Rather with denial
To bring darkness
To believe a lie
To send forth the lie
To pollinate the life others

Do you love your child?
Do you believe money is better than love?
Can you even speak the words?
What difference to the future that you squander?

To climb a tree
To tell a lie
Rather on the ground
Like a poor man
Who tells the truth
And who sleeps well
As you watch the gates
In fear of his awakening

Do you love your child?
Do you believe power is better than honesty?
Can you even speak the words?
What difference to those who believe in you?

To elevate yourself
Above all others
Rather with humility
To quietly give
To bow before truth
To walk away from gain
Stolen in the night
Because you had nothing else
But your own reflection

Where confusion robs consciousness
Is in the choosing
Of the wrong mask
A rapacious avatar
To live the life of meaningless existence

Is it better to be nothing
With nothing
But freedom
And the need
For nothing but your true essence?

To follow a path set before you
By those who thought they understood
But cannot live your life
Creates the bond
To perpetual acquiescence

We who know of these things
Yet follow in your path
Continue to discover
Again and again
The cold pale rot of ambivalence

And in the final awakening
Shedding all that we know
Returning to the womb
To choose the time of our rebirth
We break water in your presence

Water becomes tears becomes love
And becomes you
To carve your path
No matter the obstacle
No matter the resistance

Is it the reflection of my heart in your eyes
Or the light you bring to my life?
It’s a room I enter every time I think of you
As I close the door behind me
I wonder why anyone would ever leave such a place

Is it you who gave your heart away
Or did I just reach inside you and take it for myself?
It’s a selfishness that is stronger than lust
As I force you to notice me
I wonder how anyone would ever let you go

Is it the beating of my heart that keeps me awake
Or am I afraid of the dream?
It’s a moment I always regret
As I awaken and you’re not with me
I wonder why anyone would ever live inside a fantasy

I wonder about beautiful people
They gather together
And stand
And move
Switching perspectives
Always smiling
Unless they’re not
Then they leave
Then they do it again
And they say what they say
And nothing changes
But their view
Of one another
Not so much their opinion
But their angle
Because people don’t change
They just move

They act out their part
But is it who they are?
Or who they think they should be?
Really they are just desperate
To stand somewhere important
They breathe a sigh of relief when something intelligent is said
Or witty
Because it confirms their standing
And yet it’s so silly
Because what does it matter
To be amongst people
Or to be alone?
It’s all the same
Unless you are trying to get laid

I’ve never learned a thing at a party
Except that I hate them now
I don’t want to be the life of the party
I’d rather people not remember me at all
Except for maybe one thing that I said
One small thing
That was so profound that I could not utter another sentence
Because what would be the point?
Each additional word drowns the previous one into irrelevance
Because then they can’t think about what you said
Instead they must continue to listen
Then they forget
And then where are you?
Standing next to beautiful people
Who one day won't be so beautiful
Unless they shed themselves of these things
Standing next to beautiful people
Who one day won’t be so beautiful
Unless they shed themselves of these things

It’s come to this
Metaphorically speaking
I need it
I need the playground to become a calm emerald sea
And the Monarchs to become sailboats idling their time away
I need them to light upon my finger
To be carried away into the delight of my daughters eyes
To trust us
We want to be entertained
We want a memory to exist
But they fly away as we approach
Yet one stayed
So close
We touched
Raw nerved
And then
It sailed away
We were so disappointed
We wanted them to know us
To know we understood them
So we could join them
And dance among the flowers
With a past that was shed
And become sailboats
Floating
On calm green sea
Just my daughter and me

The key  
Opens no door
Reveals no mind
No spoken word
No belief or faith

The mystery
Remains as so
Locked
With no need for human reflection
As the illumination
Within the soul
Directs shadows
Towards the false witness
That lines the walls
Of grey-mattered egoism
Selfish points on a map
Guiding those who are interested
Toward my greatness

But is that not what I speak of?
There is no greatness
And the key knows this

What insight exists
When every utterance is challenged?
When fishes and loaves are not produced?
When water remains water?
When bread and wine are not body or blood?

Who can say what they heard?
Who can describe what they see?
When those who saw
Were unable to tame their fears
As it led them to hide in shame
When those who did not see
Were unable to tame their courage
As it led them to their grave

You see my face
The serenity in knowing what I do not know
The calm in knowing what I am
The comfort in shedding desire
For your approval
As I have thrown the key into the shadows
Where pride begs the sun not to set behind humility

She sees the parade for you
The honor and the respect
But it only makes her cry
What could anyone expect?

It’s as if they want you to die
So they can hand her a folded flag
And walk the fields of glory
As your soul wears a dog tag

She married you soldier
Not the flag
She didn’t marry the war
She didn’t marry the sound
Of battle in her dreams
She married you soldier
Not the flag

She doesn’t want to feel proud
She just wants you to come home
You spend your life in everyone's prayers
While she sits silent with fears that roam

We feel safe because they walk the wall
But the wife of a soldier waits for the news
The news that the hero was her man
The news that her fears freedom would choose

She married you soldier
Not the flag
She didn’t marry the war
She didn’t marry the sound
Of battle in her dreams
She married you soldier
Not the flag

I saw beautiful homes and lawns
Lined by frowning gutters and awnings
I saw broken lattice and falling fences
During a mornings smiling dawning

Sometimes it seems what money can’t buy
Lives where there’s no money at all
Until the cold chill arrives
And the leaves begin to fall

Living on the tracks with no place to go
I lived on one side
And then the other
Living on the tracks with no place to go
What I found was what I didn’t know

I’m not sure what it is I believe
I just want what’s best for my kids
But the real world is on the other side
I wonder if they could live on the skids

I left home because I just couldn’t cope
Now I’m alone and I feel the same
I’ve learned more about myself
And those who have no name

Living on the tracks with no place to go
I lived on one side
And then the other
Living on the tracks with no place to go
What I found was what I didn’t know

Every small child wants someone to love
We’re the ones who make them feel small
They want to smile even with a broken toy
Don’t cover them when the leaves begin to fall

Forced from their homes
Thrown into the hold
Chained and gagged
They did what they were told
They were unloaded
And herded like cattle
Sent to the plantation
And then began the battle
Deemed less than human
Whipped and scorned
Working for others
Their past mourned
Then the explosion
Suddenly free
Unprepared for the moment
Not knowing what they could be
40 acres and a mule
Was their reparation
Go make something of yourself boy
Was the proclamation
But what can you do
When you reach the wall?
You are not allowed to climb
You can only fall
Hung from a tree
For the color of his skin
The war was still on
His life didn’t win
A march across a bridge
To face the wall
To tear it down
With tears and God’s call
A moment of joy
Then cut down by a bullet
The trigger of hate
One man did pull it
The cost of freedom
Paid in generations
Then we tell them to count
All of their blessings
But today they died
More innocent black men
When will we stop
Killing the color of their skin?

Daughter daughter daughter
How do I explain
Why your father is dead?

My son my son my son
How can I explain
Why there’s a bullet in his head?

People people people
There’s so much anger
But is it so much
To want to **** a stranger?

Where is the carpenter of peace
To walk in our midst?
Even if he walked on water
Would he be betrayed by a bullet or a kiss?

People people people
We fight over a man’s last meal
And one unkind word
Why do we **** instead of kneel?

Where is the man who had a dream
To wake us from our sleep?
He walked across a bridge
And sowed his life for you to reap

People people people
Why must a good man die
For anyone to care
Are there any tears left to cry?

Where is the little man with salt in his hand
To give us courage and dignity?
He died by the same bullet
Because mankind cannot live in harmony