A boy.
A boy,
Who's love I need to feel.
I'm not his girl
He's the love I long to steal.
His voice is the sweetest,
My ears have ever heard.
For him,
I'd do anything,
Say anything
I'd give him the world.

Even with my best intent
I let him slip,
Melting to sloppy wet drips
And flowing straight,
Through my fingertips.
Even when I tried to grab hold,
I grabbed, I jabbed, and pricked,
Still away he had surely slipped.

Oceans apart
However, close we are.
There's still a spark,
It magnifies every emotion
Heightens every notion
And through all the dark,
There is still a shrill
A deep, deep, shrill,
The life-giving *****,
Beats out of turn,
Even still.

I look into those deep dark vessels,
The Windows to your soul.
They search my flesh
They cry out,
Why?
Our future clear as sunniest of skies.
Though it's not a happy ending,
What a surprise.

Reality the way it always does
Creeps close.
It's wrong we know very well
in the heat of the moment, passion swells
We're both thinking stop,
But onward we march
Into this terribly beautiful yet tragic arch,
Of love and lust that cuts so deep.
Our brains know better, but our hearts,
They are weak.

Then it hits.
In that instant a vivid dream
Comes to me lucid and not quite serene.
Your lips dancing in time
With mine closely behind

Stop

You look at me and remember her.
I'm sorry I say "I loved you first"
"Love me" I scream
Without a sound.
The words pouring out silently
My wide and weary eyes
Say it all as they cry.
Kiss me again
To send me away so abruptly.
Would surely begin,
**My end.

There is a comfort in darkness,
in emptiness.
The stability of nothingness......

In the heart it Lay ,
unfettered by the years of denial,
but growing
with the drink of self indulgence.....

As you whisper my name,
The song that I hear echoes throughout my soul and I realise,
Realise that without you I would be lost.
The darkness would finally take me.
Without even knowing,
You stole every piece of my heart,
Twisted and shaped it around your own.

This silence is too loud to bear.
As the internal screams pierce the stale air.
My feet feel nailed to the ground;
although I'd like to run away
I'm trapped by all that's around.
My prayers to God are shouted at the top of my lungs - in my private room.
still it seems only a whisper he cannot discern - when done praying the problems resume.
Though I'm surrounded by friends, family & those I love so dearly,
I feel so alone, secluded & lost as I can never express myself clearly.
They shower me with praise, or appreciation or reassurance
My auto-reply is "Thank you" while inside I'm losing endurance.
They say "you're so strong. Keep up the good deeds"
Yet no one asks me if I'm fulfilling all my needs.
Financially secure, well-fed & comfortable home.
In a job that I despise, eating unbalance unhealthy meals, and feeling so alone.
The internal screams get louder with each passing day
As I wonder when they will become so loud that God finally finds me a way
To find peace
Silent the screams
The internal torment
Deliver me from these demons
That haunt me & taunt me
And seek to devour me
So that I can hear The sweet sounds of silence again.

Should you ever wear colongne
For someone else
Because you are in love
Please leave me -

I don't mean to be dramatic
But I truly want, for us, happiness.
I will let you go, guilt free
As I and others have been let go before.

Should you have purely desire,
Please know the distinction.
And if we suffer together,
We will indeed have failed.

Pessimism is not what I intend,
I prefer realism in this life
[though as a romantic, that is hard]
Hopefully we will share this ideal.

If love can last forever, I hope that we will have it
If we do not, I will not hate you
Or whoever has stolen your heart
For what we will have built will be enough
Or it will not.

Moving on.
I hate the phrase.
You just don't understand,
That my mind is a maze.

I'm alone and I'm scared.
I need someone to be there.
To tell me it will be okay,
After I've dreamt of you.

Do you not yet realize,
How bad it hurts
To have to get out of bed?

I don't have the luxury of wallowing in these sorrows.
I have to spend 7 hours thinking about you,
And normal high school things.
Then go home, just to think of you more.
  
You just don't understand.

Oh, will you ever return to me,
My wild first force, will you return
When the old madness comes to
Blacken in me and to burn
Slow in my brain like a slow fire
In a blackened brazier - dull
like a smear of blood,
Humid and hot evil, slow-sweltering
up in a flood!
Oh, will you not come back, my fierce song?
Jubilant and exultant, triumphing over
the huge wrong
of that slow fire of madness that feeds
on me - the slow mad blood
thick with its hate and evil, sweltering
up in its flood!
Oh! will you not purge it from me -
my wild lost flame?
Come and restore me, save me from the
intolerable shame
Of that huge eye that eats into my
Naked body constantly
And has no name,
Gazing upon me from the immense and
Cruel bareness of the sky
That leaves no mercy of concealment
That gives no promise of revealment
And that drives us on forever with its
lidless eye
Across a huge and houseless level of
a planetary vacancy
Oh, wild song and fury, fire and flame,
Lost magic of my youth return, defend
me from this shame!
And Oh! You golden vengeance of bright
song
Not cure but answer to earth's wrong