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Apr 2020 · 88
C19
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2020
C19
Our earthly trials and hardships
May oft seem hard to bear
But the sun will rise
Blue be the skies
When we devote to prayer
Apr 2020 · 95
One, Two, Free
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2020
For so long
I've remembered all the bad things
I've remembered how much we fought
There near the end
How hard it was
How many days
And nights
I sat
Sobbing
In my room
Ten feet from yours
And wishing I had never come
All the mornings
With puffy eyes
Hoping it would be
My last day
And the long nights
With empty lungs
Hoping it would all be a dream when I awoke
But I'm tired
I'm so tired
I'm tired of remembering it that way
I can't seem to let go of this bitterness in my heart, eating me up inside. It's been a year today. I know we are both better apart, and right now, my biggest worry is sleep, but there are still times when I see your name on my phone, and remember how it all went wrong.
Apr 2020 · 91
Coded
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2020
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that I have two voices
In my head
Interrupting each other
Telling me things
And I'm sorry
That I can't tell
Which one is telling the truth
Mar 2020 · 83
Perhaps
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2020
Maybe
A word that ricochets in my mind
Maybe we weren't meant to meet
Or maybe I wasn't meant to break your favorite spoon
It was all a fantasy
We just meet way too soon
Maybe
You weren't meant to whisper "I love you" when we sat up at night
Watching the stars
And seeing the clouds swiftly covering the harvest moon
Maybe
We weren't meant to spend happy Sunday mornings
Dancing around the kitchen
Drinking coffee
And laughing at your funny ties
Maybe we weren't meant to see that side of each other yet
Maybe we met too soon
And there's a hundred maybes waiting for us
But for now
All we have
Is that hard echo
Of "Maybe you weren't for me"
Mar 2020 · 90
Mount of Hope
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2020
It hurts
Things don't
Always go
How you thought they would
There are
So many
Ugly things here
In this wretched world
That is burning to gray
Powder
Dusting the ground
Like fresh snow
But there is
So much beauty
Among the ashes
Mar 2020 · 82
Untitled 55
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2020
The thing about growing up
Is that you realize
That no one really gets a happy ending.
Feb 2020 · 76
Smoke
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2020
Misty pines
Breathing
In and out
Whispered
Syllables
Of what is yet to come
Feb 2020 · 90
E're Too Long
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2020
How do I tell you
How much I miss you
Without you knowing
How I want to kiss you
How do I let on
How much I need you
To put your strong arms around me

How do I show you
I would like to know you
The way that I know that
The day sky is blue
Can't I just open
My heart so to look in
Would tell you of all
That I see there in you

No I'll just wonder
If your heart might wander
In my direction
Or the other way
I'll hope for maybe
And that if you glimpse me
In far away memories
You'll remember me
Feb 2020 · 91
Bitter Nothings
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2020
Even at my best
I'm never good enough
Few words often speak the loudest.
Feb 2020 · 73
When You Wish Upon A Star
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2020
I wish I could feel it
That deep longing pain
To fall in so deeply
Like drops of the rain
I'll feel it someday
Though I fear I will not
A happy thereafter
May not be my lot
I wish I could hold him
So warm and so sweet
But I guess I must wait
For the day that we meet
I wish I could feel
The soft brush of a kiss
I've not earned it yet
But so I will wish
My heart spins in circles
I wish he were here
Heart flying and pounding
As he drew ever near
Alas I shall wait
For my fairytale end
My heart is now broken
But soon it shall mend
Here's a "shocking" surprise: I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship. Yet another Valentine's day spent without an s/o. It's just rough watching all my friends/siblings getting engaged, and married, and having babies when I'm just the single friend who sits alone on Saturday nights. 😒
Feb 2020 · 80
Polaroid
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2020
Yeah
Being away from you hurts
The memories we shared
Still stain the backs of my eyelids
But now
I get to make new memories
With better people
Memories
That don't bring tears
To my eyes
And memories
That don't make me wonder
Why I wasn't enough
I want to start writing more poems with rhyming and the same canter etc, but I'm struggling to find motivation and inspiration. 😒
Jan 2020 · 55
Silver Embers
Marisa Lu Makil Jan 2020
How is it
That seven years later
I still see your face
Blurry
And in stone
And you don't even remember who I am?
Dec 2019 · 568
Faded Touch
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2019
It's a rainy day
The sun is hiding
The fog rolls in
The road is guiding

A sweet nostalgia
Pulls strings on my heart
It's been too long
That we've been apart

The miles go on
I'm closer to you
The clouds fade away
The sky is blue

The time has come
I see your eyes
Miraculous
They match the skies

I'm in your arms
As daylight fades
And all my worries
Melt away
Dec 2019 · 193
Happy Tomorrow's
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2019
Yeah
I might stay up
Late on Saturday nights
And wish you were with me
That things were different
But I will never forget
Why I left.
Dec 2019 · 163
Ones and Twos
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2019
Often the choices that are the hardest to
Make are the ones that lead us to
Better things
Dec 2019 · 272
Un-yoked
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2019
The devil plays at his temptation
But it is clear to see
The LORD is King of my salvation
Forever more to be
"For freedom Christ has set you free; stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke if slavery."
Nov 2019 · 480
YinYang
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2019
It was never about winning or losing
It was about seeing things the way they are
And learning to use them to work towards better things.
Nov 2019 · 504
Breath Of My Own
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2019
You be my bones
I'll be your structure
You be my lungs
And I'll be your lover
There's nothing can take
What we've always had
I think of you night and day
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2019
Sometimes I want to forget you
I want to forget all the pictures we took
All the adventures we went on
Braving the cold
When no one else would
I want to forget
Laughing with you
So hard it hurt
On car rides to nowhere
I want to forget
Going hiking
And getting coffee
Sometimes I want to forget
That you were ever in my life
And imagine that all we were
Was passing strangers
On a busy street
But then... And now
With tearful eyes
I remember how full of each other we were
I remember the joy we had
Bundled up on Sundays
When we refused to turn on the heater
Because we'd rather buy Take-out
Than pay the electric bill
I remember all the memories we made
With such naivety
That all that happiness would last forever
I want to freeze us in that frame
And pretend it never fell apart
I want to forget the icy cold
That is between us now
And I want to forget I ever knew you
It's cold, I'm tired, I'm awake... And even though I know that the way things are is better, I wish we were better together.
Oct 2019 · 166
Weaving and Leaving
Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2019
You are worth so much**
Think of all of the thousands of leaves
And of all the blades of grass
That would have never stirred had you not driven that car down the old asphalt of your hometown
Those people who you held the elevator for
Wouldn't have gotten to work on time
Think of every bird that never would have roosted in that tree you planted when you were 17
And of the squirrel that you braked for that someone else wouldn't have
You have a place in this universe
You are a sky of greatness
And without you
Nothing would be the same
You are worth so much more than you think you are. I promise that if you die, your dog will realize it immediately. If you die, all your friends at school and your teachers will be sad. I don't know if it's courage or cowardice, but I know that if you were to **** yourself, nothing would be the same. Just make a promise to yourself to get through one more day. I know it's hard, and you're going to fall sometimes back into that deep void that doesn't seem to have an ending. But just make it one more day. Once more.
Oct 2019 · 100
Who's Who
Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2019
The difference is
When I stopped talking first
She noticed right away
My dad always told me to stop talking to you first, and let you message me instead, and when I did, you never even noticed. When I do the same to her, within a short time, she messages me first. She's everything you never were.
Oct 2019 · 109
Country roads take me home
Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2019
Sometimes
I'll drive down
Country roads
With the tall trees
Dips and curves in the pavement
Wind reaching through my hair
And the sun warm on my face
And
I can almost imagine
I'm home
It's so peaceful here. I still have many struggles, but God has granted me so much more peace in the last 3 months than I've had in a long time.
Sep 2019 · 110
Jericho
Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2019
No,
Things didn't turn out
Like we thought they would,
But that's okay,
We make
New cities
From the ashes
Of the old
August 4 marked the 1-year anniversary of my moving here. Things...are so wildly and completely different than I thought they would be. I've lost old friends, gained new ones, and learned to trust that God knows what He's doing and that He does it for my good, and for His glory. Nothing here is what I thought, but it's pretty **** good.
Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2019
I always wanted
To believe
That there were only good things in my future
That life would be smooth
Like an ocean
After a storm
But You ******* me up
You broke me down
In my heart
And my bones
And I spent so long
Waking up
Inhaling sobs
And exhaling
Misery
And being alive
And not wanting to be
But
It's peaceful now
And I wake up
And I can imagine
Good things happening
Again
Inspired by the series Unbelievable. But these words are so much understood by thousands in different situations. Good things do happen. But you'll only see them if you look.
Sep 2019 · 547
I Dream of Sunshine
Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2019
The dark returns
I know someday
The sun will shine again
I write the best when in misery
Sep 2019 · 145
God Bless
Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2019
It hurt at first
It hurt so much
All I could think of
Was pain
And you
And I thought
That the rest of my life
Would be
A rollercoaster
A typhoon
A hurricane
Of never being over you
I never thought
I'd be here
Typing these words
But it's a cool September night
There is a warm breeze in the air
Whispering of the coming fall
And pulling red leaves from their branches
I live in my own home
I love in my own way
And I can finally say
We don't belong to each other
And that's okay
And it doesn't hurt anymore.
I never thought I'd be able to say that I'm over you, because it hurt so much when you left. Time after time. But I am. I am happy, I am never alone, and I surround myself with people who would never make me feel as low as you did. I can finally say that I wish you the best of luck, but we don't belong to each other anymore. I'm over you. I'm finally free.
Aug 2019 · 138
Now and Later
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019
Trust
That He will give you
Great blessings
In His own time.
Waiting on blessings is hard, but it's worth it. I need that reminder more than anyone.
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019
It took me a long time,
But it was in the calm of the morning
With the sun shining through my window
On a warm summer day
That made me realize
Maybe I'm okay with being alive
And for the first time in many years
Maybe I want to be
Aug 2019 · 218
Bottoms Up
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019
Bittersweet pills
Sliding down
Useless
Like Apple bits
Coming back up
Another day
Of agony
But what do I fear more
Failure
Or success?

(Read caption)
11 years of no relief and I'd still rather be depressed than happy. I think a lot about who I would be if I were not sick. Every time someone gives me a new "obvious" medication, I'm excited and terrified that it will work and then I'll have to figure out who I am without my illness. I'm in constant pain, but at least it's constant. So few things are.
Aug 2019 · 201
Out of sight
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019
All I want to do
Is tell someone
Scream to the world
How sad
And angry
And bitter
And hurt I am
But nobody is listening
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019
I always needed you more
Than you needed me
Wanted you more
It was like
I could feel you slipping
Between my fingers
And I'm sorry
That it made me
Jealous
And smothering
I miss you
But you're happy now
And that's all I really wanted
To someone I gave up: the bottom line is that I want you to be happy... Even if that means you're happy with someone else.
Aug 2019 · 152
Red Glasses
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019
True love is
Wanting someone to be happy
Even if you're not the one who gets to
Make them happy.
Jul 2019 · 163
Barrier of Thoughts
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
And I see
Little miracles
Every day
Yesterday, I started off my morning by locking myself out of the house ($75 fine to have someone get me in), my car wouldn't start, and I lost my phone. I found my phone, they waived the fine to get me inside, and my car is starting just fine today. Don't tell me there aren't miracles. ;)
Jul 2019 · 275
Sunrise
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
With His mighty hand
He lifts a star
Above the horizon
Jul 2019 · 182
Pretty Please
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
We have traded ourselves
For a sculpture
Made up of
A 20" waist
And a pawned off face
That girl that you wish you were- the one who is "pretty enough" with her high cheek bones, lucius lips, bright eyes, tiny waist, white teeth, enchanting smile, tan skin- she is your only enemy. She is the only one telling you that you aren't "pretty enough". And you might not be "pretty enough" for these ignorant fakers, but you are beautiful. Never let yourself believe that you are any less.
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
Every time we talk
.
.
.
.
.
.
I come away crying
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
I realized far too late
That that's why we fell apart;
You never had time for me.
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
We don't want to die;
We want relief
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
The truth is
We were too busy
Fighting our own demons
To fight each other's for them.
I don't remember if I've posted this yet.
Jul 2019 · 124
Grave digger
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
If you knew
You were dying today
Before your head hit your pillow
Would you fear the other side?
Jul 2019 · 169
Pacific (All we are pt 3.)
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
I thought we were an endless ocean
*But even waves break upon the shore
Feeling melancholy today. I'm moving, and I think I just know that this part of my life will be over soon.
Jul 2019 · 703
Pompeii (All we are pt 2.)
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
All we are is Ash
And dust of a city of
Words never spoken
{Haiku}
2nd poem of the all we are series.
Jul 2019 · 197
Bitter and Sick
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
She tore me in two
Ripped my heart from my chest
Stole 20 years of my life
And yet
Seeing her now
Kneeling on the floor
Begging for me
Giving me everything I ever wanted
For all my life
Asking for me back
I guess what I'm asking is
If the illusion of
True
Love
Love that ties a cord
Under your ribs
And pulls and pulls
Until all you are is broken shards
Of a happily ever after
If all you would ever need
Lay at your feet
A mendicant
Would you go?
We are stronger than our weaknesses.
Jun 2019 · 312
Beauty Sleeping
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2019
We find the deepest honesty
In the wild
Raw
Side of humanity
The side that communes
With nature
And runs breathless
Through fields of jade
Trying to find ways to find myself beautiful. We are made in the image of God.
Jun 2019 · 131
Untitled 54
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2019
I honestly thought I was over you
But here I am
At 5:02 PM on a Wednesday
And all I want to do is hear your voice again.
To someone I don't know
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2019
All that's left of us
Is the callous on my finger
Where my ring used to be
Moving on is hard, but it's going to be so much more peaceful now that I'm on my own.
Jun 2019 · 121
Lost Lover's Town
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2019
You don't get
To push me away
Again
And again
And then get angry
When I don't
Come
Back
For 20 years I let you mentally beat me ******. My scars are finally healing and you just can't take it.
Jun 2019 · 105
Fast Falls the Eventide
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2019
It's peaceful tonight
I guess like
The eye of the storm
I'm still lost
And confused
Pain
Like a constant reminder
Is shooting up my spine
I know that tomorrow
I'll wake up and have to do this all over again
But for now
It's quiet
The sun is setting
I am warm in my bed
Waiting for the amber release
Of drug induced sleep
To weigh down my eyelids
And my heart is somehow calm
In the midst of this hurricane
I've had a long day physically and emotionally, but for now, even the roaring in my ears sounds warm and familiar on such a cloudy canvas.
Jun 2019 · 119
First Love
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2019
In ten years,
I'll still remember you
Your smile
Your scent
The lull and tone of your voice
The missing piece of
Who I used to be
To me
You are always a star in a
Black expanse
But to you
I'll only be a
Distant fragment
Of a sunny childhood
I don't think I'll ever forget your name.
May 2019 · 125
To Myself
Marisa Lu Makil May 2019
I want to write a poem
But you've even taken that
Even every word in my mind and heart
Has been squeezed out
Broken from it's home
You are a thief
A robber in the night
You have taken all my happiness
Every drop of positivity is gone
Dripping down
         And
               Down
Into the darkness
A wall of black
That even light cannot penetrate
It's wrong
How you live
With every will
Gone
Every wish
And hope
And dream
Are no more
Because you
You
Have taken it all
You deserve nothing
And you are nothing
And you will amount to nothing
You are a worm
In a wonder world
Wandering
Breaking everything
Failing everyone
And losing everything
Good
You have pushed it all away
You are a burden on all
And you deserve your loneliness.
I'm having a really hard day
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