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Marisa Lu Makil May 2022
If you were around
I'd tell you I love you
I wish I had
I would do better

If you were still here
I'd just pick up the phone
I wish I had
I would hug you tightly

If you weren't gone
I'd ask to spend time with you
I wish I had
I found out too late

If you were still with us
I'd kiss your wrinkled cheek
I wish I had
I didn't do it enough

If you were here
I would watch scifi with you
I wish I had
I never knew you loved it

If you were still on earth
I'd see you more often
I wish I had
The last time I saw you, you were so much thinner

If we still had you
I'd hug you longer
I wish I had
It all happened so fast

If I could see you now
I'd tell you I'm sorry
I wish I had
I didn't tell you how much I love you

If I could do it over
I'd tell you you're the only grandpa I remember
I wish I had
Now I have to love you from afar

If you could see me
You'd see my regret
I wish you could
All I want to do is see you

If I could see you again
I'd tell you about my day
I wish I had
We only spoke in passing

If we were face to face
I'd tell you I want you at my wedding
I wish I had
It's too late now

If we could see you again
You'd tell us not to cry
I wish you would
We miss you so much
I miss my pawpaw today. It's been 9 months, and I have so many regrets about his passing. I should have seen him more, tell him I loved him, etc. One day I will tell him I love him. I will talk to him, spend time with him, kiss his cheek, embrace him, see both my grandpa's together in a golden city. We won't cry, we won't have any regrets, just an eternal sunrise of bursting glory worshiping the one who gave us life. I love him so much, I can't wait to tell him that.
Marisa Lu Makil May 2022
Father give me strength
When I cannot be brave
And Lord please take my hand
When I stumble away
You are all I have
In this world that seems so pale and gray
Lord, you are great

Shepherd, you have led me
When I go astray
Gentle, meek protector
You've conquered the grave
Comfort and my hope
You have held my head above the waves
God you are great

Maker of creation
You hold me in your hand
King of all the nations
You lift me up to stand
All Sanctification
Is bleeding from your nails of grace
King, you are great

Author of my story
You write what I can't see
Father of all glory
You live what I can't be
Taking inventory
Of all the things that I will be
Christ you are great

Leader of my heart
Give me grace like boundless seas
Not only in part
You hold my eternity
Even when I start
To slip you will hold me fast and sweet
Jesus you are great

Healer of my wounds
Lift me high and bind me up
When my heart eludes
You rise and fill my cup
Gently as you soothe
You carry me to safer ground
Maker you are great

Hiding place of mine
You capture every tear
I don't know your design
But I know you are here
Present before time
Lord you hear my cry and draw me near
Jehovah you are great

When mine eyelids close
I'll see a wondrous thing
I'll follow where He goes
I'll finally meet my King of Kings
And crowned with endless glow
I will rise and see Him face to face
Lord, God, King, Christ, Jesus, Maker, Jehovah, you are great.
Marisa Lu Makil May 2022
We spend our lives looking for one thing
And songs and poetry
Are such a poor substitute
For really being loved.
Marisa Lu Makil May 2022
I sat in evening rain today
And read about my loss
The things I was afraid to say
For fear of what it cost

I read my sorrow hard and sharp
And wept some bitter tears
My demons all around me harp
As did in early years

I saw the pain I felt so deep
It broke me to my core
I had abandoned my belief
For sorrow evermore

But as I looked at years gone by
On this celestial globe
I knew that pain, I would Abide
By one ember of hope

I wondered what would come about
If things had come too soon;
One less submission, one more shout
Would I sing a diff'rent tune?

But no, the order had to last;
One more or less thing said,
And things would not have come to pass
That maybe I still need

I saw amidst the tears and pain
The hands of someone great
Who all my hope and love sustains
And orders all my fate

And wept I more some bitter tears
But not for what had passed
I mourned for all the sorrowed years
With no wind to my mast

I praised the one who gave me hope
To hold on just once more
To wait for just one inky stroke
Of all the love He swore

I thank Him now in my distress
For all that happened then
For how could I have found such rest
Without the driving wind

For indeed in my darkest hour
I hid me deep inside
And only by His cleansing pow'r
Could I in hope reside

I see my life across a plane
A tangle and a mess
But oh the lovely, hearty grasp
That He does all things best

So though in dark I oft' reside
Languish in sorrow's drought
I know my King is by my side
And He will lead me out.
"I have learned to kiss the waves that slams me into the rock of ages."
Marisa Lu Makil May 2022
We all seek and search our own version of perfection
Our own picture of flawless sublimity
But at best, we all stumble
And oh how we keep on falling
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2022
We long for presence
For someone to hold our hand
And make sure we are okay
To pull us to safety
When we feel our lives
Slipping
Like tethered rope
Through sweaty fingers
Torn between letting go
Dropping
Falling
Fearing
Fracturing
On the rocks below
Or daring to think
That maybe things will be okay
So you hold on to the rope
Hand shaking
Fingers gripping
Blood Dripping
Down injured
Weary
Hands
Holding hard to the heartfelt hope
That someone will save you from Drowning
When there was never anyone
At the other end of the rope
So You watch the videos
Drink and love
Hoping it will bring you back
From the clammy
Gray
You've been
buried in so long
We long for presence
Because that's what we need
Someone to hold the other end of the rope
Someone to give us life again
We need someone
To put their arm beneath us
And help us stand
"But mine is peace that flows from heaven and the strength in time of need I know my pain will not be wasted, Christ completes His work in me"
Marisa Lu Makil Jan 2022
Ivy
Hush little darling, don't you cry
I know you have fiery skies
Bad times now and more to come
Save your tears now, little one

Hush little baby don't you cry
It is raining hard tonight
Peace will come when sun doth rise
Listen to my lullabies

Hear my voice and lull to sleep
Pray the Lord your soul to keep
Hush little baby don't you cry

*Everything's gonna be alright
There's a picture in my head of a mother with her child. Bombs light up against the dark, starless, rainy sky. She clutches her baby to her, attempting to soothe the child with this song and stave off both their fear as everything falls around them.

*credit to whoever wrote the original "Hush little baby".  This is only my revised version. :)
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