Marisa Lu Makil

Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2020

I know
You want me
I want you too
But it's hopeless
Fire and water
Cannot become one
The sky
And the ocean
Can never meet
Summer and winter
Know not each other's names
But I know yours
And my darling
Our souls
Have known each other
For a far longer time

All I want is to let him coax summer from my wintery lips.

Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2020

Black and Blacker

It's no use
In sharing the burden
When there's nothing to be done
For what's the point
In showing pictures
Of a broken past
When all one can do
Is watch the flames burn?
Some things
You just have to carry alone.

Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2020

Crucifix

I just wanted someone
Who makes no demands on me
                       He doesn't want me for my body
Or to make himself feel good
                He doesn't want me just to touch me
Or have me cook his dinner
Or show up at work functions
Or simply to be a husband
                    He doesn't want me for a moment
A week
A month
Or even a year
                                   He wants me for 20 years
50
60
                              He wants me to embrace me
And tell me I'm his
That's all I want
Someone who doesn't want me for my body
Or heart
But for my soul
Someone who wants me for the
Rest
      Of
         His
              Life

I'm having some old memories from my childhood resurface, and I'm having trouble feeling...safe...and I'm thankful that I finally found someone who doesn't want me for what I can give Him, because I can't offer Him anything more than what He already has. But thousands of years ago, before I was born or my parents, or their parents, He gave up His son's life for me. He doesn't want to own me as property, He doesn't want to hurt me, or use me, everything I could offer, He already has. And yet, when I'm alone, I can feel His arms around me. Not to touch me, or take anything from me, just to hold me and let me know I'm safe in His embrace. 😌

Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2020

International waters

I    thought    I    had    moved    on
My    mind    drifted
To    lovelier    things
And    people
Vast    mountain    cliffs
Bashed    with    frozen    waves
Wind    in    the    fall    leaves
And    a    solidarity
In    my    soul
But    here    I    am
Once    again
Wishing    for    what    we    were
Even    though
I    told    you
It    was     time    to    move    on
So    you     did
But    I'm    lost    again
At    a    loss
With    your    phantom    arms
Around me
A    wasted    wish
That    things    were    different
But    they're    not
I    guess
Maybe    now
You're     happy
And    I     guess
That's    all    I    really    wanted
Maybe
Just    maybe
It's    better    this    way

Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2020

Still Need You

Maybe
When we've both changed
And the time is right
You'll find me again

Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2020

Forbidden Fruit

I've known
Between the flirting
And the subtle touches
Neither of us speak about
And the prolonged eye contact
That there was something
Something big
Right in front of us
But I never knew
How your name could make me feel
Remembering your touch
Could make my senses tingle
Thinking of you
Sends feelings through me
That I've never felt before
And selfishly
All I want to do
Is drive to your house
And tell you to kiss me
Let you push me up against the wall
And melt into your touch
But I can't
I can't offer you
Anything
Not
A thing
Not a relationship
Or a shared belief
Not myself
So I guess
I'll think of you
One last time
And wonder
What could have been
Before I forget
The way we feel

Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2020

Where it began

Some dark and lonely days

    I want to run away

And find a lovely place

Want to go somewhere

With freshened golden air

Where no one knows my face

Drink wine in noontime sun

Where I don't know anyone

And learn to be okay

With being not okay