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Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2019
I know it hurts
I know it's deep
And dark
And I know it's all you can do
To not drag that blade
Across your wrists
Or take a step
Off that Cliff
But just
Just hold on
One more time
One more sunset
One more horrible day
One last effort
Because
It's
It's about to get so so good
There is a point to your pain
Just
Keep hold
Please
You're so close
And
I swear
Soon you're going to look back
And be so glad that you held on
Even when you thought all you had
Every ounce of strength
Was gone
You're so close
I know it's hard and it hurts, I know-trust me. I can feel it to. My ****** fingers are slipping, too and I know it ***** and no one understands, but I promise, you're so so close. Think of every happy ending you've ever read twice. You know that it gets so bad before it gets good. It's going to hurt a lot, it's going to feel like thunder in your soul, and lightning in your heart. I know it feels like a ton of bricks is on your chest, and it's getting harder to breathe, but you are so close. It's going to get so good really soon. Just... Hold on a little while longer.
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
Just know oh faint of heart
Though you are not at home
We all carry our sin
But carry not alone.
Oft times we seem to stumble
And the earth seems to shake
Our hearts are torn asunder
Our balance seems to quake
But when at break of day
When all of sin and shame
Has hung upon the cross
And you have entered thus
There will be no need
For sun or light of day
The man upon the cross
Will always light our way
Henceforth tell your tale
And tell what you have seen
My Lord and God take me
For I come unto Thee
A play off of the last part of pilgrim's progress part 2. I think today is going to be a good day.

"Now while he was this in discourse, his countenance changed, the strong man bowed under him, and after he had said, "Take me, for I come unto Thee"
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
Maybe
Maybe realizing
That you're not ready
Is exactly what it takes
For God to decide
That you are
I can't wait to find the one for whom my soul was made. ❤️
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
It was here before I knew it
For some reason
The rain clouds parted
For the first time
In 8 years
And soon
The sun
Was out
The skies
Were blue
The music
Was loud
The air
Was warm
And I was smiling
For real
I was at dinner
With an acquaintance
And I wasn't nervous
I wasn't nauseous
I wasn't
Afraid
And as I drove home
I gazed at the stars
And realized
I was happy
Really happy
No fake smiles
No masks
Happy
I had forgotten what that feels like
I can see
Clearly now
That things...
*Everything is going to be okay
I am officially medicated for my depression, and I had my first counseling appointment on Monday. It still feels...wrong... different. I forgot what it's like to be happy. It still feels temporary, but I just...I'm happy and I know it won't last forever, but I feel warm in my soul. I want to read and write and go on adventures and hike and I don't know how long this feeling will last, but it feels...like safety.
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
I sob for the little things
When somebody yells at me
When I just got in a fight with a dear friend
But when something touches my very soul
Reaches inside of me
And pulls my heart out
For all the world to see
Silent tears
Slip their way
Down my cheeks
And gather
In the crevices
Of my consciousness
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
I suppose your
Winter romance
With warm hugs
And long dinners
I guess it just
Wasn't meant to be
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
Why isn't it okay that I'm afraid?
Finding new health issues that I have, and I feel 100% uncomfortable talking about it, and people keep saying "overcome your fear" and "You can't stop being afraid if you don't talk about it" I just want it to be okay for me to stay afraid.
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