It's dead in my soul
Deep beneath my skin
No longer beating
Breathing
Only spasming
From time to time

I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to hurt you
I don't want attention
I want to scream
At the top of my lungs
Until my voice runs away
Until my vocal cords snap

I don't want to be a part of something
I want to tear myself apart

I may not want to die
But I don't want to live

I am always the one who
Loves more
Tried harder
Falls deeper
I have so much love to give
But no one wants it.

One thing I promise
Something echoing in me:
Things WILL get better

I want to write a poem
But I cannot find the words
They're stuck in my throat
Caught in my mind
Tangled in my soul
How do I say that I am alone
So alone
Even though I'm surrounded
By voices
Excited
And vibrating with energy
How do I explain
In soft, genuine letters
That my soul is torn apart
Riven in two
Broken
Not my heart, my soul
It hurts to breathe
Because it's all in my chest
Building up
Like tears
Breaking in waves across my cheeks
How can I express
That the pain
Hidden in my smiles
Is so wrenching
And horrible
And lonely
That I can't take it
I miss someone
So much
But
******
I don't know who I miss

And she looked in the mirror
And whispered
"I don't know you"

You can only bow down
If you are first brought down to your knees