IM A MESS* ever since I was 18 ,
Looking at a PHOTOGRAPH ,
While THINKING OUT LOUD .
Then I SEE FIRE in my heart.

"YOU DON'T NEED ME, I DON'T NEED YOU"
That was what you said to me,
How I wish you could TAKE IT BACK and GIVE ME LOVE
Because I'm DRUNK ,
And I'm back to square ONE because of you.

THE MAN has given you hope,
that made my LEGO HOUSE fall down into pieces,
Along with the AUTUMN LEAVES,
that falls onto the ground.

"DON'T" , a word that was worth everything.
It gave me a GOLD RUSH ,
Ever since we were GRADE 8,
You were in the A TEAM .

Kaibigan?
Ka-ibigan?
Kai-bigan?

Ano nga ba tayo?

Dalawang taong hinapo na ng mga karanasan sa pag-ibig,
Dalawang taong pinili ang isa’t-isa,
Dalawang taong nais maging isa.

Ngunit ano nga ba tayo?

Pinasaya,
Binigyan ng oras,
Kinantahan ng mga lirikong nakaaantig ng puso,
Pinangakuan ng kung anu-ano sa ilalim ng buwan,
Na tila ba ngayon ay para bang iginuhit na lamang sa tubig.

Kinuha mo ang puso ko,
Pero gusto ko lamang linawin,
Hindi ko ninais na ipalit mo ang iyo sa akin.
Pero para bang ginago ako ng tadhana,
Itinakbo mo ang puso ko palayo—
Palayo sa’kin, nang hindi lumilingon.

Ipinagsawalang bahala ko ang sakit na naramdaman,
Nagbulag-bulagan sa mga bagay na malinaw sa aking paningin.
Pinilit burahin ang masasamang ideyang namumuo sa aking isipan,
Umaasang mali ang lahat ng sakit na ipinagkikibit-balikat ko lamang.

Totoo nga,
Madaya ang kapalaran.

Nakakatawang isiping
Sa loob ng isang buwan,
Kaya **** mainlove.
Pero, nakakagago din isiping,
Sa loob ng isang buwan,
Kaya ka rin nyang iwanan.

Sa bagay, ano nga ba tayo?
Wala naman, diba?

Maaaring ihanay mo lamang ako sa mga babaeng pinaasa mo,
Na marahil pagdating ng panahon,
Malilimutan mo rin kung ano ang namagitan satin,
Na siguro sa paningin mo’y pang landian lang pala ako, hindi pang seryosohan.

Hindi ako yung tipo **** babae,
Hindi ako matalino,
Wala akong political stance,
Hindi ako kagandahan.

Ano nga bang kataka-taka dun?
Walang dapat ikasakit dahil
Hindi mo naman ako tipo kaya hindi mo ko sineryoso.

Walang tayo,
Hindi rin tayo magkaibigan.
At lalong hindi magkasintahan.

“Almost”, yun tayo.

Halos
   Halos naging tayo.
   Halos umabot na ko sa punto na mamahalin kita ng buo.
   Halos napaniwala mo kong mahal mo ko.
   Halos napaniwala mo kong kamahal-mahal ako.
   Halos napaniwala mo kong karapat dapat akong pahalagahan.
   Halos bigyan mo ko ng oras mo.
   Halos naramdaman kong sincere ka.
   Halos araw-araw kung hanapin kita.
   Halos minu-minuto kung tingnan ko ang cellphone ko para lang maghintay ng reply mo.
   Halos ikaw na lang ang marinig ko pag naririnig ko yung mga kanta sa radyo na inawit mo sakin.

Halos ikaw na lang yung hanapin ng puso ko sa bawat saglit na hindi kita nararamdaman.

Halos.

unang sampung buwan,
na siyang puno ng kahirapan,
pagkakaibigang hindi inaasahan,
na siyang bumuo sa aking karanasan.

mga pangambang hindi maibsan
ng pusong kinakabahan.
sa takot na siya’y pumalpak
sa kanyang mga pinangarap.

Nangarap ka ng buo,
ngayon mo pa ba isusuko?

sinubok man ang tatag ng loob,
nayanig man ang paninindigan,
pumalpak man at nasubsob,
patuloy paring nanaig ang katatagan.

Muntikan mang bumitaw,
Patuloy lang sa paninindigan,
Ilaban hanggang sa tuktok,
upang marating ang iyong rurok.

Higit na pakatatandaan na mananaig
ang pusong puno ng pananalig,
higit sa talinong maaaring madaig
ng pangarap na nagmumula sa dibdib.

Maligaw man ng paulit-ulit,
HIndi man nauubos ang sakit,
ngunit ang tagumpay ay iyo ring makakamit,
at paniguradong ito’y napakarikit.

Hindi ang mga tala ang magdidikta ng ating kinabukasan,
Kundi ang mga puso na syang handang lumaban at manindigan--
Manindigan para sa mga bagay na hindi kayang hawakan ng ating mga palad.

Hayaan **** maranasan ng iyong puso ang malumbay at mawalay
Sa isang pamilyar na pakiramdam
Nang maunawaan mo ang kahalagahan ng isang bagay--
Bagay na katangi-tangi at panghabambuhay.

Hindi masusukat ng lahat ng mga bituin ang pagmamahal na kaya **** ialay;


   Sa bawat minutong inilalaan mo para sa taong ito,
   sa bawat text na kaagad ay nirereplyan mo,
   Sa bawat araw na ninanais **** siya ang kasama mo,
   Sa bawat pagkakataon na hindi mo pinapalagpas para siya ay makasama.

                                                               ­                                    Oras.

   Sa lahat ng pagkakataon na hindi ka nagreklamo sa pagiging late nya,
   Sa lahat ng pagkakataong minahal mo siya sa kabila nang pagiging magulo nya,
   Sa lahat ng pagkakataong ika’y natulugan sa telepono habang kausap mo siya dahil alam **** pagod sya,
    Sa lahat ng lakad na hindi niya nasipot dahil kailangan pala niyang mag-aral.

                                                               ­                                   Pag-Unawa.

   Sa pananatili mo sa kanyang tabi kapag siya ay nalulumbay,
   Sa pag alo mo sa kanya kapag siya’y nananangis,
   Sa pagngiti mo at ng iyong puso sa sa tuwing siya’y masaya,
   Sa pakikinig mo sa lahat ng kanyang hinanaing tuwing nagpupuyos ang kanyang damdamin.

                                                               ­                                   Pagdamay.

Higit sa mga rosas at tsokolate,
Ipinakita mo ang iyong pagmamahal.
Pinatunayan **** higit sa mga bagay na kayang hawakan ng ating palad,
May iba pa palang paraan ang pagmamahal.

Pagdamay. Pag-Unawa. Oras.
Ilan lamang yan sa mga kayang magdikta nang ating pagmamahal.
Kaya wag **** hayaang ang tadhana lamang ang magdikta nang inyong kinabukasan.

Higit sa tadhana ang inyong pagmamahalan.
Hindi kayo itinadhana lamang,

/ Pinili nyong magkatadhana. /

I could still remember the day that we danced,
The way we moved,
Felt like nothing could go out of place..
Everything felt magical then.

I could remember how we made all those promises,
It felt so true that I thought it would last.
I never had any regrets.
Because you brought out the best in me.

I never asked for a perfect relationship,
But God gave it to me.
I experienced forever within 16 months.
I had forever with you..

If you were a mistake,
You were my best and most beautiful one.
Having you in my life,
Is the best thing that ever happened to me.

You loved me like there was no boundary.
You made my heart crazier.
You made me believe..
Believe that we could happen.

Everything I knew was now a make believe,
Every promise you made was now broken.
My heart was crushed in to fragments,
My soul shattered in to pieces..

How could I ever pick myself up?
I can’t even survive a day without pain.
I wish I could undo the pain..
If only I could..

Anong oras na’t puno na naman ng puwang at kalungkutan?
Mga saya na bigla na lamang naglaho sa kawalan.

Sa paglipas ng oras,
tila ba’y nawawalan ako ng lakas at para bang gusto ko na lamang tumakas—
tumakas sa rehas na aking dinaranas.

Tahanan — ang palatandaan ng aking katauhan.
Dulot ng bigat ng kursong pinili sa kolehiyo,
ako ngayo’y malayo sa palatandaan ng aking katauhan.

Nakakamiss.

Malayo sa palatandaan ng aking katauhan,
katauhan na binabalot ng kalungkutan,
at hindi maipaliwanag na pakiramdam ng kawalan.

Paano nga ba ito?

Sa kabila ng nararamdaman,
patuloy akong lalaban at patuloy na paniniwalaan
na ang panghihinang  nararanasan,
ay pansamantala lamang.

patuloy kong tatandaan,
na ang kawalan ay panandalian lamang,
at ang palatandaan ng aking katauhan ay akin ding mahahawakan
dahil bukas, higit kong pagsisikapan
na aking pangarap ay makamtan.

We had the world behind our back,
We had it together with us,
But it changed one day.
It decided to turn its back on us.

I wish I could turn back time,
Where everything felt perfect,
A world where we felt free,
But now it feels like us against the world.

I want to fall in love again every time,
I never stopped loving you.
I wish I was still the one,
I hope you could fall in love with me again..

I would never stop loving you,
I'll always be waiting for you,
If only I could still be the one,
*but I'm not..

TOGETHER* we could face everything,
Even IN THE LONELY HOUR of our lives,
You could always LATCH onto me,
Even though I know I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE

I wish you could LEAVE YOUR LOVER
but for now you could STAY WITH ME,
It's not LIKE I CAN make you leave her.
For now, It's enough that you could MAKE IT TO ME

WHEN IT'S ALRIGHT, I hope we could RESTART
You would always be SAFE WITH ME
I'VE TOLD YOU NOW, no matter what, I'll stay with you.
I could always be your LIFE SUPPORT

It would always be a GOOD THING to share a moment with you.
Love always REMINDS ME OF YOU
You could always LAY ME DOWN in your arms,
Until we reach *NIRVANA

DAYLIGHT* came and you were gone,
It was a SUNDAY MORNING when you left me,
We didn't have a BEAUTIFUL GOODBYE,
and you left me in MISERY

IT WAS ALWAYS YOU, it never changed,
THIS LOVE made me live for years.
I SHIVER whenever I see you
The MAPS only lead me back to your arms.

I CAN'T LIE about how I feel about you,
You always make me feel like I was LOSING MY MIND.
I know in my heart this is not INFATUATION,
'Cause SUGAR I couldn't stay a day without you.

ONE MORE NIGHT was all I ask,
I thought I had a LUCKY STRIKE,
but you RUNAWAY and left,
You left me in the middle of a *CHILLY WINTER

You told me to LOVE SOMEBODY,
It was a WAKE UP CALL for me,
but I knew it was more than JUST A FEELING
You didn't give me a LAST CHANCE.

I felt SAD about all the WASTED YEARS
I went to the PAYPHONE,
I went BACK AT YOUR DOOR,
Asking IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?

I though to myself, I WON'T GO HOME WITHOUT YOU,
It made it HARDER TO BREATHE for me.
I can't FIGURE IT OUT why you left.
I only ask LITTLE OF YOUR TIME

IT WAS ALWAYS YOU who made me STUTTER,
You WIPE YOUR EYES and told me,
It would be BETTER THAT WE BREAK up,
I wish you could GIVE A LITTLE MORE for me.

I MUST GET OUT of that place,
You TANGLED me with your presence,
MY HEART IS OPEN then,
but it closed just to keep you inside.

I WAS NOT COMING HOME yet,
It MAKES ME WONDER where you are now.
I said to myself *SHE WILL BE LOVED by everyone, she won't need me anymore"
I felt like one of the LOST STARS in the sky.

Now, I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, with us.
I know you'll always keep me IN YOUR POCKET
OUT OF GOODBYES I realized,
*NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

I want to forget you,
but I can't.
I want to shut you out of my life,
but I simply can't.

How could I worry about you,
When you're worrying for someone else?
How could I love you,
When you're already loving someone else?

How could I love someone who loves someone else?
I don't want to hurt myself,
but I can't stop loving you.
I keep on finding myself back to you.

You were the only person I'm sure of,
I want to keep you in my life forever,
I could even spend the rest of my life with you..
But then you have to stray away..

I was your crying shoulder,
I was your greatest fan..
I was the one who was always by your side..
But all it is, is now in the past..

For the longest time, I tried..
I threw myself to you.
But you weren't caring anymore.
I could try harder..

But i don't know if you'd let me..
I guess you really like her..

For the first time I saw you,
I thought, hey you might be my next mistake.
Love is such a cruel thing to begin with,
It's a tempting pleasure that is a powerful curse in the end--
Ending someone in heart aches and heart breaks.

For the first time I met you
I thought hey! You're stupid.
Falling for someone so easily that you thought that I would've fallen for you too.
It's difficult not to, but I guess it's not that easy to be persuaded.
I don't want to end up in heart aches and heart breaks.

For the first time I made you laugh.
I thought, oh! How cute.
Your giggle sent me chills all over my body.
Confused if this is infatuation or real love
Afraid of ending up in heart aches and heart breaks

For the first time I hugged you
I thought everything's going to be alright
Catching me from my fall is something I wouldn't asked for
But you still caught me
I told you that I don't want to end up in heart aches and heart breaks

For the first time I kissed you
I though that you might be the one
Loving someone like this is such a wonderful feeling
Makes me want to never let you go
I couldn't possibly think that we might end up in heart aches and heart breaks

For the first time
I thought hey! You're going to college.
Feeling that once emptiness inside me at the thought of you moving on with your life,
And me just being your high school lover.
I can feel my heart aching and my heart breaking

And for the first time..
I'm okay with it.

I thank poetry for always saving my day.
At the end of the day, we realize one thing,
Words are more powerful than actions,
'Cause words can never be renewed or erased.
Once we've said it, we could never take it back.
One word could make or break everything.

Love is something everyone could play.
It's a game that assures you nothing,
but makes you risk your everything.
Play at your own risk.

Love is a game that everybody plays,
but not everybody could win.
Are you willing to give everything?
Are you willing to give up your greatest treasure?

It is a game designed to break hearts.
Only a few survive the game and make it out alive.
You could always cheat, but you can't outsmart destiny.
It could only let you out when you give up.

Love is a chase everybody wants,
You could run away whenever you want,
but once you get caught off guard,
*The game is over.

Every single day of my life,
I had nothing else to wish but to have amnesia,
To forget all the pain I'm living every single day..
I am breathing but I'm not alive..

Every day, I felt like I am about to die because of this pain.
All the troubles I've been,
I wish I was with you,
but you were with her instead..

I didn't ask for Forever and Always,
but you guaranteed me that I could have it,
I thought it could happen with you,
but then again, my thought remained as it is..

Even though I'm hurting,
I couldn't ask for anything but your happiness,
I never want to see you hurting.
Your pain makes me weak.

You keep my hopes up,
But you don't stay true to your word.
You gave me reasons,
Reasons that I can't understand.

I'm lost with my life,
My whole world fell apart again,
When your world fell,
You had someone to catch it..

I know you don't care anymore,
You can't even answer my questions straight..
I'm not yet ready to let you go.
But I have to.

No deep words are needed to tell how we feel.
Simple words are the best there is to be used.
Simple words that could let anybody know how we feel.
Simple words that can be understood by everybody.
Use simple words to let the world know who you are.
Simple words that comes together perfectly.
Your words could change the world.
You'll never know.

Admittedly,
My stomach still flutters everytime I see you,
My eyes instantly recognize the sight of you
And my heart still wants you.

But honestly, i think,
This heart will always beat faster when you’re around,
My eyes will always look for you in a crowd,
And the way i’ll think about you would never change.

But now,
My mind does not think so much of you,
My thoughts does not only consist of you anymore,
My heart does not long for you the same way it did before.

We didn’t deserve each other,
We both deserved better people.
No, it’s not your fault,
Neither it is mine.

Wrong timing, that’s it.
Our conditions were already preset,
We met each other in the beginning of your end,
The circumstances were already unchangeable.

Whatever came between us,
It was wonderful and meaningful.
And whatever came between us,
Wouldn’t really change anything now.

There wasn’t a time in our relationship when label existed,
We have always remained labelless.
Like leaving no marks of whatever we’ve had,
As if we’re each others’ secrets.

Admittedly,
It breaks my heart to let you go,
It pains me to see you walk away,
Because i honestly thought,
You were a long term plan.

Despite the short time that we’ve spent together,
You definitely left your mark on me.

I didn’t tell you this but,
You. I prayed for you everyday since i met you.
I prayed for you to be the one;
To be the person that i’d introduce to all.

You were perfect and beautiful.
You didn’t only have the intelligence,
You had the character and personality.
The only thing that downed you was you can’t commit.

You are not capable of committing.
You are not the type that could be tied down by love.
You didn’t want your career to be ruined by whatever will come between you and it.
You were futuristic, not idealistic.

I admire you for that.

Following your dreams require commitment;
You were strong enough to choose to commit to your dreams;
Your determination was beyond my reach.
You were admirable for choosing to let go to whatever was keeping you down.

Farewell to you, my..
What shall i call you?
My dearest stranger.

The reality of us was quite impossible and unachievable,
But i do hope you the brightest of the future.
Your endeavors are already great,
And i hope you will be able to make them your reality.

Farewell.

Beyond the inconsistencies, i chose to see you perfectly.
Beyond the impurities, i chose to see your flawlessness.

I chose to see you beautifully,
Despite the many reasons to leave.
I found one good reason to hope,
I found you.

Once upon a time,
A guy talked to me;
To comfort my wounded heart—
He held it in his arms and healed it.

Another day came,
This 'guy' went to impress me with his wit and intelligence,
He went on to show his gifts— singing and poetry;
He made me like who he is.

I liked him and i told him that.
For once i thought,
Nothing would change.. because he's different.
BUT NO.

A week into knowing him,
I was slowly left waiting;
Waiting for messages and replies—
Replies that took minutes, that led to hours.

Remorseful of being needy,
I took a step back and thought to myself,
"I'm becoming too much; I'm being toxic once again".
But maybe it wasn't me.
Maybe he realized that he wasn't really charmed with me;
Maybe it's not my fault— maybe i wasn't too much.

Maybe i was okay;
Maybe i am good enough.

Here i am, starting to lose myself.
Once more, i'm drowning in liking someone.
But this time, i can't lose myself.