I wish I could bring all the lights
Down for you to see in real life
And I wish I could take you
To the grounds of the truth
But the truth is that I can't say
Everything I want but I won't play
That game because deep down I'm scared
To scare you away

I won't be around forever
I know that's true
I just want to spend
Every single dollar and moment on and with you
But that's wrong, I wasn't supposed to catch feelings
So close, so soon, I'm just wheeling
Through time and time and space
I've never been here, I've never seen this place

Neurologists say that after breathing ceases
And the body is dead
The brain remains living
For an additional 4-7 minutes.

If mine were to stop tonight
I'd wish you were by my side
And that you'd sing to me in those 4-7 minutes

So my last moments would be surrounded by your love.
So I'd know that it was all worth it.
And so I wouldn't feel as alone as I do right now.

if i have to explain it to you
then it probably never existed
in a well-represent'd enough form
to deserve acknowledgement of
the highly embellish'd state
of your own mind and actions
that brought the mingling of
souls once cherish'd abroad
sunken to fetters of not chains
but words with meaning as
the force propelling them
paradoxical in that
propulsion is antithetical
in terms of the definition 'fetter'.

Strange face in mirror
Depersonalization
Succumb to numbness

In Ohio I order a pizza.  The menu says one of the items I can put on it is Mango.  That's curious.
I buy a Hawaiian mango at the new Supercenter Grocery Store, and the check-out girl asks
what's this? and I say it's a mango.  She says, no it's not, that's a mango, and points to the green pepper.

In Hawaii, I work at a farm, and pick some Lilikoi. A customer asks my co-worker if we have any passionfruit, and she says no. They ask me if lilikoi is like passionfruit and I say its dakine, but she's a visitor and doesn't understand, so I say, it's the same thing.

There's a Hawaiian family with a fruit stand; I like to trade the extra lilikoi for their really good mangos they grow, but the Hawaiian word is Manako.  Since they know I always want manako, I ask dakine?  They were out, so instead he asked you want some Apples?  I thought he meant those little red pears they call Mountain Apples and looked perplexed when I couldn't see any, so he picked up a clump of miniature bananas.  *Oh, yes I love Apple-bananas.

an anniversary of a three year old’s             laugh
never old enough to get laugh                               lines
before she flat lined and I                                              wept
I went to visit a teacher today at “Stovall          Hall”
stayed to watch class and enjoy the                              music
haven’t danced in over a year and almost forgot what      for
my body remembers, as does my mind and both are             unforgiving
I feel sometimes that I’ve been living a life that’s lost in reality’s  creases
and my only way out and forward is simply determined                   in
what I do now to stay close and find hope for                                   myself

When I was younger I believed
whole heartedly I was worthy and
deserving of love,
and these days I just seem to  
take what I can get.

I keep starting tiny fires
to keep me warm
if only momentarily,
they only leave me colder
when they burn out

sometimes when I'm lonely
I like to glamorize past
failed relationships and
imagine that
that they loved me better,
or I them.