**** is not a bad word.
****** is no longer a burden.
Refuse to be ashamed of your anatomy.
We are beautiful and powerful womym.
The source of our power,
Is our *****.
That which we've been told to hide,
To protect,
Never to speak of.
That which we grow from,
And develop.
Where we bear children,
And shed our wombs by the moon.
That which we are made to fear;
To worry about;
To shave or not?
Does it smell?
Is it weird?
Does it look right?
From our beginning,
Our ***** are mysterious.
It is we who must reclaim them.
Gain control over them,
Learn to love,
Rather than shy away from.
****
****
Our ***** will be our saviours.

Mama should I trust the Government?
Men in charge,
With suits and ties.
Mama, do they know whats best?
or are they selling
pre-packed lies.
Mama should i get a job?
sell my soul
to the money train.
Mama is it true in fact?
man can't live
of soil and rain?
Mama why do i feel sad?
kept cramped within
the city walls.
Mama how do i go on?
When all arounds me
crumbles, falls.

The future has no mouth,
No tongue,
No teeth.
The Earth speaks, but it's easy not to hear.

Easier still,
when drowned by the rising noise
of trucks and drills,
destruction and greed.

And you want more,
And you want convenience.
you don't want hassle,
you don't want consequences,
of what you choose.
That's inconvenient.
You're busy,
you've got things to do,
you've got a job and a family,
and you don't care about much more than that.
Excepting, most notably, yourself.

So you turn the other way.
We sit on the ground before you,
we sing songs of generations before us
who tried to help the Earth too.
We sing the words of those who protected our lands,
before the coming of this new age
of willful ignorance.
And you walk past us,
and on top of us.
And you blame us for being in the way.
You yell at us to move,
you've got things to do!
Things to ignore!

It's easier not to know,
easier still not to change,
but the teethless, tongueless, mouthless future
continues to approach.

Melting, heating and shaking.
We must hear it,
before there is no-one left to hear.
I carry these bruises with pride.
I carry knowledge of my actions with pride.
I will do my best for the future,
I will not regret my caring.

She's journeying they say;
Journeying.
They're too scared of the word
To simply say 'dying'
But it is all too clear.
I'm sure she knows,
Just us well as they,
Even though her mind is such a muddle.
She doesn't eat
Or leave her bed
And a machine outside her door
pumps air into her lungs for her.
When you try to talk to her
You get lifeless eyes,
As if she's already died
But her body kept on breathing.
Everyone can see it.
They stop what they are doing
To look into her room,
But they never stay for long
Even with all the curiosity in the world
It's not something you really want to witness.
The terribly slow
fading of a life.

I wish i could talk in techni-colour.
I feel sorry for you,
If you can't see this.
If can't see, you'll never know it.
That's what death is going to be like;
And oh what fun it will be.
This is reality.
All the wavering and movement
Of everything around us.
And the fact that nothing is separate.
We are not islands,
we are a connected continent,
joined beneath the water,
Of our day to day lives.

I wish you'd never give up on me,
just as much as i wish we could let each other go.
I'm so weak and unsure,
Only certain in the fact that i have always messed things up,
and the assumption that i will always continue to do so.
I only cry for myself or for you,
As if there were no greater tragedy in the world
than your absence and my own saddened heart.
You deserve so much more than me,
so much more,
but although i try,
It seems too hard to let you go and find it.
I hate being the bad guy
but it's gone too far for me to be the goodie again.

Burn the witch,
set fire to the skin of this foul *****,
allow smoke and flames to consume her,
take her in as a whole,
then spit her out in ashes.
Burn the witch,
and we'll dance around the bonfire,
see her hair catch alight,
as we sway to the rhythm of her screams.
Burn the witch,
broomstick for kindling,
cauldron on the boil.
Burn the witch,
selfish creature.
Burn the witch,
Burn the witch,
Burn the witch.
And when we're done,
we'll pray that she's gone this time
for good.

How is it that the body can be so sure of what to do
When the mind is clueless?
The blood in my veins returns to my heart,
I kiss you automatically,
Yet I am still so unsure.

I've never been one for clear cut precision,
In the making of decisions,
And now, more than ever, I doubt myself.

They tell me I'm not making sense,
That my thoughts are muddled,
That I am not making sensible decisions.
But, was it not those same sensible decisions
That have led me to where I now am?

I tell you assuredly, it was.

Though my mind is muddled,
My heart keeps pumping,
It is truly a wonder of engineering,
Effective machinery
With no use of an operator.

I will sit here for hours
Willing it to stop,
And it will pay me no heed.

I have grown tired,
After only a short twenty years,
Of being something for your eyes.
Tired of slurred compliments,
Uttered from behind glazed eyes,
And catching eyes flick up
from where they had been stuck-
Wow! This person has *******!

Sick of hearing calls and jeers,
shouted from across the street,
from inside of a car,
from the base of an over-sexualised,
and over-sexualising brain.

And so in an attempt to remove myself from such *******,
I have been de-sexualising myself.
I wear long, ill-fitting trousers,
Baggy tops, and thick Doc Martens.
I pull up hair up,
Put my glasses on,
I do not bother with make-up.
I glare and I scowl.
Yet still unwanted attention
Has been able to find me.

Still you grab and grasp at me,
As if I were but a toy at your disposal.
I turned to one,
and looking in his eyes,
I clearly said "No.".
A dog, a child, a human,
Would have understood me;
Yet he did not.

I turned again when his hands didn't stop.
"*******, I said No."
"Slap me, baby, I'm sorry!"
He leered, not sorry in the least.
"I'm not going to hit you.
I'm saying no,
and you're going to respect that."

He left for a moment,
Only to return as handsy as before.

I tell you honestly,
I have no idea
What more I'd need to do
To get some people to see me
Not as a real-life *** toy,
But as a *******
human
being.

Even the fallen leaves
Are not dead, as beneath them
New life shelters

We've both been through a lot lately,
Enough that we make the most
of distractions that present themselves.
I don't like to sit down and study
How a signal from your brain,
Reaches receptors in your toes;
Or how a muscle twitches.
And you don't like to be alone.

It's been our tradition,
The three of us,
Since we were about fifteen,
To modify our bodies;
(read: mutilate).
We pierce and ink ourselves.

You got your jumping Koi
When you were fifteen
Still in high school.

We got our ******* pierced in the last year of school,
Bored with the idea of maths or science
We wanted something interesting,
And that's what we came up with.

You came back to school
And couldn't stop showing people,
Even when they didn't want to see.

We all got our animals together,
My cicada, your frog, your bird,
The leaver's dinner for school was that night.
We were still rebels.

Then uni last year,
Two quotes in braille around our ribs,
And your quote in Latin
(which turned out to be Italian)
"No lies, just love."

Now today,
A new cat on my arm
And a rose on the back of your neck.

We are perfect,
Immaculate.

Procrastination at it's finest.

I must be blessed,
Surrounded by benevolent spirits,
Guarded by angels,
Watched by my ancestors before me.
This life cannot have been the first time we’ve met.
Some never find,
What we have discovered in each other.
We are a four leaf clover,
A needle in a haystack,
A rare and precious taonga,
A treasured gift.
We are perfect,
Immaculate.
In you I find a comfort,
That sometimes wanders from myself,
You are my closest companion,
and I learn so much
From the way that you are.
We are sisters,
Blood is irrelevant.
We are weird sisters,
Queer witchy feminists,
Living by self-developed norms,
Rather than societal,
The value of which cannot be overestimated.
Together we cannot be held back.
We are perfect,
Immaculate.
I will float with you
In our next life also.

Tear me and chew me,
Spit me out,
Or swallow me whole.
We've a whole life yet to continue to destroy.
Today is our new variation
On yesterday,
And if we have our way,
It will be exactly the same.

We wait for excitement
which never seems to find us.
We lay beneath the sun
and hope for change.

But we're not hoping so hard anymore,

No longer pulling daisies,
throwing petals to the ground,
With a yes or a no;
Just waiting around,
to be pushing them instead.

I have vowed to no more eat that which harms,
And to the best of my abilities,
I do so.
I see no difference between the cat you pet
And the lamb you slaughter.
I see no difference between the dog you play with
And the calf you tear from its mother.
I see no difference between the pet birds in cages
And the male chicks thrown in the grinder at birth;
They will produce no eggs, we have no use for their lives.
I believe it is not the role of man
To deem whom should retain their lives
And whom should die for a  moments self-gratification.

Vegetarianism is wonderful,
Every little bit helps; less humans eating meat,
means reduced CO2 emmissions
and less world wide poverty,
The grain that could feed a hundred hungry mouths
Is not used to produce  single burger patty,
For a single peckish man.

But drinking the milk of a cow,
Eating cheese and eggs
All contributes directly to the meat industry.
Dairy industry is veal industry;
Dairy industry; milk, eggs, cheese all supports and prolongs the practice
Of killing and eating children.

You ask that we respect your choices;
but you do not understand that your "choices",
Your learned eating habits,
Your probing questions of "what do you eat then?!"
And your arguments of "But meat just tastes so good"
Are directly offensive to all we stand for,
And all we fight against.

To me, arguing that the taste of meat,
Makes the living conditions of these animals ok,
Is a kin to the argument that slavery is fine,
Because the work gets done quicker if you can use a whip.
It is a kin to the idea that **** isn't that bad,
Because it at least feels good for the ******.
It is a kin to the comment that women are inferior,
Because men could beat them in a fist fight.

You will instantly think I am radical in my views,
You will try to brush them off as the rantings of a crazed vegan
Or you will stop reading
Because you really do not want to see what I have to say.
But I give you only the truth as i plainly see it.

If you must eat meat,
Hunt for it and **** it yourself,
Let it live a real life first,
And respect that for you to eat,
It has died.

I never blink.
I am small and curious
and move only of my own volition,

When you shut your eyes
you think you see me.

I will hide from you
in crevices of the mind
you still have no conception of.

I am all you ever lost
down the back of the sofa,
on the street drunkenly at night,
between your lover's tangled sheets.

I will cut you down.

I am small and cold,
i shimmer in the moon's dim glow
You can only make out,
that which i prescribe.

I am ethereal.

I am alone again in the dark.
I can smell the scent of my own fear.
My heart in cinders melts out from my chest,
If you were to touch me right now,
We would blend into one.
But you do not,
As you have not,
for such a long time now.
I never expected it to be fair,
But how perfect if it had been.
If our own disfigured selves were fit together,
Puzzle pieces that had gone missing suddenly found again,
Filling up the obnoxious gaps present in our lives,
Our picture completed,
leaving us in complete happiness.

It was night time when we met them,
The Punks awaiting Pizza,
Outside of Domino's on the main street of town.
Myself, and two friends were walking home
On the lamp lit streets.

One called out
"Want a game of skate?"
And Josh, who carried a skate board, agreed.
Indie and I sat down beside their leader as we watched their game.

"How are you guys tonight?" He asked us,
"Good thanks" we replied,
And heard a little moan
The lead punk moved,
And from inside his denim jacket a puppy poked out his head.

We crooned;
"Oh he's gorgeous, what's his name?"
"Chaos."
The punk replied.
Of course.
We petted chaos on the head.

A girl punk came out from round the corner,
"It's still not out." She told him.
"What are you waiting for?" We asked.
"We ordered pizza," He said
"We're just waiting for them to stop waiting for someone to pay.
When they throw it out, we get free pizza."
We laughed, we'd never heard such a plan before.

The girl held three avocados in her hands
I asked if she'd got them from New World,
I'd been excited that they were on special this week
"No," She replied,
"I got them for free. Out of a dumpster."
"Oh."

"So, are you guys like real punks then?"
"Yeah guess you could say that." The leader said.
"We don't respect society, and they don't respect us."
"We've been crashing in abandoned houses.
Some landlord found us the other day,
But he didn't really care,
Cause we hadn't broken any windows."

Josh won the game of skate.
And we got up to leave,
"Nice to meet you guys." We said,
"Good to meet you too." They replied
"Keep safe."

Each blade of grass is supported beneath it by a finger.

Under the ground millions of souls stand,
Arms raised,
And push up through the soil with their fingers,
Pushing a new blade of grass through the ground.

Each blade contains all the hopes and dreams,
All the longings and promises,
Of each forgotten life,
Each soul become invalid.

Do it. Why not?
Let her down, let her fall into endless voids,
Where the sadness is deeper than all the oceans we ever knew.
You, who she picked up so bruised and broken,
Full of sad thoughts and kind smiles,
She needn't be your burden anymore
Leave her to find her own way out
Regardless of who dragged who into whose mess.
And she has been trying;
trying to remember what it was to be happy,
trying to release the heaviness,
offering exits through pierced skin,
swallowing the provided medication.
Sometimes she forgets,
forgets which pill when,
forgets to eat,
forgets to get out of her bed-fortress.
But I can tell you most solemnly,
She never forgets what it was to have you.

My fingers are frozen
stiff and cold
icicles to run down your back
over bumps of your spine
so perfectly straight
not like mine
twisted and broken
aching and hunching
and its not raining
and it might snow
but that doesn't change anything,
anyways.

No man is an island,
He said.
I am womyn.
I am so alone.
I am isolated.
And even if you reach out,
Stoke my cheek,
Brush my hair,
Please know;
you have never really touched me.

These harmless cannibals leave no scrap.
Torn bone from seam.
They smile and warmly embrace you.

Old friend, you are opened,
And a myriad of dark constellations are revealed from within.

Perhaps you'll find some peace.

I dare you to love more than yourself
to embrace that around you
which you cannot understand
and to take it upon yourself
to struggle to understand it as best you can.

She whispers something to him, my name uttered under guarded breath,
He disappears then returns with pills in his hand that  i ought to swallow,
I oblige.
We spend an evening together with floating minds,
And busy hands.
I brought round two types of cheese for us,
She had a third
So we made scones,
Triple cheese scones,
And discussed the state of our lives.
In the lounge lyric-less music spills out from a speaker,
And they sit around adsorbed by the melodies.
He stands and goes to the *****,
One they found for fifty bucks in a second hand store.
He presses a key and listens to it joining the notes already airborne.
Another stands and joins him.
They play along with the music,
Making it up as they go,
The third bangs his hands on the table, a make do drum set.
We remember our baking in time,
And it is not burnt when we take it from the oven.
The boys leave their music and join us in eating.

She rummaged around in my soul,
as though looking for a pen in a handbag,
and i was left wondering
how words had such a power over my being.

Left drained and fulfilled
Life's intentions bloomed inside me
and at once i felt at home in a darkened room.

Do not panic,
please breathe deep,
I beg you to hold your tongue,
I too have words to speak,
   no one to listen,
       and little faith in Prophecy.

No, I never told you anything,
I knew you'd never hear.
Blocking it out from the lips of your lover, your trusted, you own voice as it echos in your head.

And I,
I never once said it.

Taking a needle from the haystack on your farm,
I sharpened the point to collect my thoughts at the tip.
And stitching delicately,
I sewed my lips together.
Now they'll never tell.
Never speak unwanted truths.

Yet I don't recall your vote of thanks.

This twisted environment is entirely unintended for life.
You prefer to live elsewhere -
Where you can twist it all to the extremes,
To the point where one more turn shatters all existence;
It's your favourite place to be.

The beauty being that any second,
Any movement,
May well induce that fateful collapse.

Show me the reality in that then,
Chosen Child, Barefooted Reveler, Ancient Rambler.
I cut you down.
I sew your lips.
I hold your hand.

Oh, my little one,
You have done so well.

I will never understand
the happenings of some things.
Like the horrific and horrible
that happens to the innocent,
like the willful and intentional ignorance,
Of death and pain and torture.

I will never understand
how evil is doled out among us.
By chance, by fate, by deliberate decision?

I will never understand
The recovery that happens,
After the unforgivable; forgiveness,
After death; new life.

I will never understand
Love that won't go away,
Even when told,
Even when begged,
Even when commanded.


I will never understand
how you go on.
I will never understand
how I go on.
I will never understand why.

Dear R,
I hope you are doing well. I hope you are safe and happy and find all of the best things in life (i'd name them, but I haven't yet found them myself). I hope german life is treating you better than ever. I hope you make a million more friends there, though i don't really need to hope for, as you're sure to do it anyway. I hope you don't get too cold in winter. Make sure you have thick warm socks and sturdy boots. Sometimes it's best to walk on untrampled snow as it's less icy. I hope when you return here, or to Aus, you have a safe flight and get plenty of sleep. And that you don't get very jet lagged once you're home. I hope you read this. I hope you have a long happy and healthy life and you never want to die. I hope you wake up every morning smiling and go to sleep contented every night. I hope you feel full and content with everything you have in your life, and everything that is yet to come. I hope you stop feeling anxious. I hope you begin to understand how loved you are, by every person that has come in contact with your soul. I hope you realise how special you are, how unique, how kind and how loving. I hope you see how much you have to offer the world, and how happy you are able to make others. I hope every venture you undertake in life is successful. I hope i can visit your bakery one day. I hope you meet the most lovely girl, just like you, with an open heart and mind. I hope you fall deeply in love and reach a new level of happiness. I hope you spend many happy years together, perhaps marry, raise children and love them more than yourselves. I hope she is stable and has a good mind. I hope she is able to let herself be happy. I hope she doesn't doubt herself, hate anything or ever want to die. I hope you two never cry again. I hope she understands herself and her desires and her emotions. I hope she has feelings that never waver and are rational and make sense. I hope she is beautiful. I hope she never does anything to hurt or upset you, nothing silly or rash or unthoughtful. I hope she can plan a future with you that you both believe in, and that comes true. I hope she loves you unconditionally. I hope she holds your hand in public, and likes to play with your hair and that she's really good at video games. I hope you are happy. I hope she never lets you down.      All my love.

Now,
It's been so long,
Arms branching out to you
Fossilise waiting to be filled.

The hair on the head has grown to the knee,
Changing its colours on the way down,
Bleached by the sun,
Stolen by the clock,
Left to grey.

Could the joints still move,
- if ever they wanted to?
So long frozen in commitment.

"I'll wait." - he said.

Aiming his arrow carefully,
So the two words would pierce though all barriers,
Exploding perfectly in the heart.

Shrapnel flies everywhere.
Duck and dodge the pieces of unworthy flesh!
She left. He waited.
Waiting for the time when she'd return from looking for something better.

Kira is gone again,
Loose from his cage.
I don't understand how he manages it
But he squeezes himself between
Thin little bars
And enters the freedom of my bedroom
Time and time again.
I only catch him
With sweets and good luck.
He's a tiny little mouse,
Black and white speckled like a cow,
Such a sweet wee thing,
But much too adventurous for his own good.
I'm lucky he has a sweet tooth.

The problem with bright futures
Is that they grow as dull as everything else.
They too collect dust,
Hold every speck of dirt they can find -
Until you wake one morning and realise you are trapped.

See the walls have crept closer
And the ceilings leant down to hug the floor.
But they're only there to support you,
Because they love you so,
And they do not see their embrace can crush.

I lifted you as high as I could.
The next day my left arm ached,
And I half-smiled recalling why,
Proof I had done my job.

It came as no real surprise,
To be accused of doing nothing.
The only woman pallbearer,
Of course my body should be brought into play.

The aching of my arm
Was proof
That I didn’t let you down.
Until, of course,
That was the task at hand.

I don't know if I could ever get enough of you
I want you there all the time
draped around my shoulders
to keep out the cold of solitude.

I want you beside me and within me
Speaking and yelling
Singing and whispering
Gentle, sad, lonely
lover-boy.

I could never sate my hunger for you,
For your flesh
and your words,
Your held back emotions,
and your very being.
I would never be satisfied.

For you alone,
I am insatiable.

Acidic music flowing through us,
From the stage and down into the floor
Vibrations' thin tendrils
Swarming up through thick soled shoes
And into our spines,
Forcing heads to nod
And bodies to sway.
Eyes close in the ecstasy of forgetting
For in that moment
Nothing else can take your mind.
There is sound;
And sound alone.

And you forget that you are all alone
And you forget that you felt anxious
You forget people might be watching
You forget how many drinks you had.

Staged puppet masters,
Make a crowd of grown-up kids
Sway before them.
Children with ******* and beards.
Youths in go-nowhere jobs,
Sleeping on mattresses on the ground
Reading poetry aloud at night
Planning travels in their minds.

***** the young professionals.
We are the left overs of a power hungry generation;
We are just here to hear
And feel
And move.

Allow me to hold your breath for just a moment,
I long to figure the reason why you breathe,
And why it is, your heart continues.
Persistent machinery of wicked wiring,
And unknown roots.
I distrust anything that can work without rest.
It is not natural.
Breathe in, breathe out.
In rhythm with the drumming in your chest.
Stay in time,
Remain suitably in line.
And do you know it now yourself?
How it is,
Or rather, why it is that you exist?
Because without any explanatory factors
What s the point of anything at all?
There must be some form of reasoning,
Or you'd be able to simply slip off without struggle
As you wished.

My soul is ancient.
And it is not mine.
In darkest reaches of my heart I am told I do not own it.
I am impermanent.
I feel interminable.
My soul reaches to those around it,
But finds little kinship.
This soul and I are locked together
Out of time and place,
We are anachronisms.
You have seen us before.

Take me with you.
I've had too much of here.
And this small shrub's not enough anymore.
It delivered as promised,
But the pain reappears,
And once I've run out I'm just left feeling sore.

Open the doors,
For the walls are too close,
And I must have my space,
And you're standing too near.

It used to be nice,
But now that drum in my head,
Beats only a rhythm of fear and of dread.

I can't get away,
For where would i go?
It's hard to find a place that yourself wouldn't know.

And the drum hits hard.

You don't know; I don't say.
I won't show; you won't stay.

The drum hits hard.

On another night when I can't sleep,
I am, for once, grateful for my solitude.
I've been using again,
wish i could say it were drugs
but it tends to be more valuable tender.
Witchy cravings
for love and fulfillment
sought out in the arms
of whomever might be around
just now.
and just for now.
No making attachments now.
I never asked for that.

and it's 3.40am now
on a moonless night
and i'm lying wrapped in a blanket
wondering why it is
I'm not yet one with the stars
or the trees
or the wind.

And i've got commitments to fulfill in the morning,
the real morning,
but my brain just won't let go of this moment
because you never do know
if it will ever come back.
and i never do you know
if you'll ever come back.

Where did my words go?
You nasty devil,
Did you eat them up?
Steal them away,
When I wasn't looking?
Sneak them into a paperbag
And throw them into a lake?
You left me speechless,
And alone to my thought,
Indescribable and dark.
And where did my movement go?
Venomous demon?
I used to move like the wind
Like the water
And the stars.
In my limbs i held
All i ever wanted to know,
And was yet to learn.
But you've taken it from me;
Immobile and mute.
And where did you put my kindness?
Sneaky serpent?
I was one with the world,
I gave and I received.
We shared and were one.
Now i lay alone in darkness,
Wishing i could change

I still repeat words you said to me over in my head.
And now I only speak in tongues,
For few understand the ramblings of a loveless madman.

I was running,
You were chasing,
You ran out of breath,
I never realised you'd given up.

We are hopeless lovers
Distraught in worlds of unimaginable alone-ness
And I only want you.
I only want you.
And you are not here.