You made me forget-able,
beautiful and tiny,
you made me erase-able.
And i am nothing of import,
this i know,
i hear you telling me,
repeating through ears
tired of listening;
yet listening is all they know.

You made me forget-able,
drove me down into the sidewalk,
smaller and smaller
until i fit perfectly beneath your shoe
and there i could hide
from the world,
yet at your mercy
waiting for the foot to fall

You made me forget-able
and i am oh-so-forget-able
you'll not know my name
nor face
nor sound of my voice
nor smell of my being.

you made me forget-able,
until you forgot
i was there.

Was willst du, was brauchst du?
- what do you want? What do you need?

Would the smell of my hair,
Or touch of my hand surfice?
Or prehaps solve everything?
Or do you need more?

Possibly the sound of my breath,
Could ease your beating heart;
Heavy and upset.

Or the taste of my lips against your own,
your neck,
your skin
- prehaps that could help to still your sense of unease,
Your certainty that nothing is quite how it should be.

And if not, my dear,
If all my attempts remain futile,
And lead to no bettering
The last I have to offer are my eyes.
Look deep, lover,
Pull me apart, piece by piece,
bit by bit
- and do not be frightened by what you see.
Until no doubt remains that you know every colour,
line and speck and space.

Then tell me, sweet one,
Is it all gone?

I want to be the place your hands wander to,
When you forget to pay them attention,
When they're left to their own devices
And free to roam where they please.

I want to be their choice.
Above all else.

I want your fingers running along my collar bones,
And over my ribs,
           And through my hair,
                         And over my eyelids,
                                        And in my mouth.
  
I want to be the place your subconscious thinks of,
Thinks to go,
When you thought you were not thinking at all.

Do i drag you down,
to the depths of myself
when i tell you
of what i have seen,
what i have felt,
what i have done
and had done to me?

Do i belittle you
to the size of myself,
with the stories of my past,
all that i've done.
all that i've hurt
and all i've avoided
the other lives
I used to lead?

Do i make you
to shake in your bones,
when i speak of my actions
and inactions
my screams and my cries
and most deafeningly,
my silences?

Do you pity me
or do you fear,
my child,
all i have failed to do?

Where did my words go?
You nasty devil,
Did you eat them up?
Steal them away,
When I wasn't looking?
Sneak them into a paperbag
And throw them into a lake?
You left me speechless,
And alone to my thought,
Indescribable and dark.
And where did my movement go?
Venomous demon?
I used to move like the wind
Like the water
And the stars.
In my limbs i held
All i ever wanted to know,
And was yet to learn.
But you've taken it from me;
Immobile and mute.
And where did you put my kindness?
Sneaky serpent?
I was one with the world,
I gave and I received.
We shared and were one.
Now i lay alone in darkness,
Wishing i could change

I've had enough,
Of fleeting feelings,
I wish with all i have,
That something good would stay.
I've had enough of the bad.
Enough to write a thousand novels,
And still fill up every last journal
You ever bought me,
With the same **** thing,
Depression and anxiety;
I sometimes wonder
If i have or ever will,
Know anything else.
And it's so ******* repetitive.
I've lived this night before,
I hated it the first time.
Please let's skip this part,
Please let's fast forward,
Please,
This can't be all there is.

Leave me high.
Leave me gasping for breath,
In your absence.
Leave me pacing the room
And falling to the floor.
Leave me in solitude
That I know so deeply
As to call it my friend
Leave me standing
Or sitting
In the dark,
Or filtering sun through my lashes.
Leave me to feel
My own heart
Beating through
A thin shift shirt.
Leave me in my mind