Wish somebody loved me.

Someone new.
No he isn't you.
he's a better you.

He only wants me until the mornings.
But is he really the one to blame?
As I am telling him that me laying in his bed,
For his satisfaction is okay.
Or maybe it's me?
Since, I can no longer sleep without being in his arms,
And waking up to his kisses.
Yes, they are no labels,
Lost in confusion, as to what we are,
And realizing you do not care..

So maybe,
It is not him that wants to stay, until the sun rise,
But rather me,
While I lay on his chest,
Not wanting him to leave,
As if it was a sarcarfice.
And yet I crave more than just this,
But never find the effort,
To find "this".

And yet I feel like his wantings are different from mine,
But yes I am okay with this,
And some days I am not.
But laying by his side,
Is something I cherish,
I can't deny.
And I know he lies,
And no he's not the right guy,
But why is it that when I am not laying by his side, until the morning sun rise,
I cannot sleep at night?
..

Give me one reason as to why,
You wanted this type of guy.
Why you laid in his bed that night,
Because it felt right?
Do you even know what that feels like?
He wanted nothing,
But a girl he can call late night,
You let him abuse you.
You let him and his army,
Go through you.
Give me one reason as to why,
You wanted this type of guy.
Did you even know him?
You felt alone,
So you went for it.
Not knowing the nightmare that it would become.
Laying, in a bed,
Being pushed down,
Slammed,
As if you are a piece of meat.
Crying out for help,
Calling the name of the only man who knew your childhood,
Knowing he is no longer here to save you.
Close your eyes,
It'll go by fast.
Words being repeated in your mind,
As you felt the strong *******,
Against them thighs,
Accusing yourself for this mistake.
And when they was done,
They left you stranded,
Clothes abandoned,
Blood on the bed sittings,
Finding strength to gather yourself,
Never once spoken,
Never once told.
Every man who comes near you,
You feel fear,
Scared of what they did to you,
This man will do the same too..

She done gave too much,
To a man who didn't love her.

I only have a few months to live anyways,
So who gives a **** if I die anyways?
Who cares about my wrong decisions in wanting to have it end shortly anyways?
Why does this have to **** me anyways?
Anyways..

I don't want to lie to you no more,
I'm sick.
I have a few months to live.
Maybe less.
I feel it in my chest,
My pain,
My battles.
Arguing makes the pain stronger,
And don't hate me when I say,
I do it for I can die faster.
Y'all don't know the truth.
See my smiles,
But it's for them,
Not for me.
I don't want to be here,
God taking me slowly,
there just too blind to see it.