Disrupted and befuddled –
                                                          Falling away,
                                                                            Behind and beneath the stars…
                        Gazing into the black abyss,
                                      Filled only with questions,
                                                                      Mystery melting into my skin,
                                Seeping and escaping…
                                                                                                             Again empty, Again alone.

What did I expect?
Fireworks or doves?
I know that all I wanted
Was your undivided love.
What did I really want?
You to finally see,
That you don't belong with her?
That you belong with me?

last week a man took my picture,
his grin stretched ear to ear.
i glanced over and mirrored with
a smile like cheshire cats,
and he took another.
i wonder what brought him
to our table,
to me.

last week a man drew my picture,
his mouth set rigid in focus.
i noticed his anonymous glances
but i carried on my way,
not knowing who the girl his pen
was putting on paper was.
it wasn't until i passed
and they told me our bangs
were the same and she
wore glasses like mine
that i recognized her.
me.

there's something about strangers
anonymously immortalizing you
in art that makes you realize
how empty your eyes are.

In the light I stand in darkness
In the darkness stands no light
There you'll find me in my shadow
Ambivalent of wrong and right
Deep within me lies a crystal
It shows its sparkle within my eyes
But in my heart there lies the darkness
Forever on going and never dies
The darkness overtakes me
And turns me cold as ice
I hold onto the tiny crystal
It is my soul's one device
For when I think I have no feelings
No love, no hate, no fear
The crystal turns to liquid
And forms a single tear

I've got this dull energy
Pulsing through my veins
Distracting me from Reality-
Making today less significant
Than a dream

Life whizzes by-
Blink an eye
And you might miss it

Expand your vision-
The world's a walking contradiction

So don't be so submissive
Take a risk
and kiss him!

And when he turns away?
Know you saved yourself
from another scumbag

Who's to say that all is truly fair
In this game of love, deceit and pain?
We all live the same way-
Killing to see and breathe another day

I can remember when we used to lie in bed
and make love for hours on Sundays.
Duvet days where
Breakfast in bed
Lunch in bed
*** in bed

I remember taking in every part of you
tracing my finger along your back
committing every curve of your spine to memory
And reminding myself
that this wasn’t a dream.

I can recall those times I’d wake up
at midnight or one or two
And I’d sense your eyes going right through me.
I’d take a peak and there you were,
staring at me long and hard
with those baby blues.

There was a moment I first realized you loved me.
It was in a room full of beautiful women
and all you could do was stare at me
with that ***** smile plastered on your face.
And I knew I was ***** smiling back at you.

I was shocked every time you took my hand
when we were walking down the street
Because the one before you never did that.
He was ashamed of me.
You wanted the world to see us together.

I fantasized having a child with you
Tiny, perfect and beautiful
with my sandy blonde hair
And your tall, lanky body.
We’d give him all the love in the world.

All I can remember are those moments.
But I sleep alone in a Queen with dark, cold sheets
and you’re no longer there.
You’re my own personal ghost
who will follow me until eternity’s end.

All I have left of you
is how we once were.

six o five, I drive off into the sunrise.
Yellowish- pink clouds open up to blue skies.
Scant raindrops fall on the windshield
And I remember the last time I cried
Pull out onto the highway, don't yield.
Now the sun is at my side.  I know I was
Thinking of you.  Stripes of grey hover.
Cloud tips threaten to whirlwind
But I hold tight to the steering wheel,
Hold on to all that I feel.
The wind never blows.
The car doesn't shake.
Pink and yellow still
Glow.  and I don't break.

I don’t want to apologize.
Like I have in the past
For coming close to a breaking point with you
Where I almost speak my mind
But refuse to do so, realizing that if I acknowledge
The shallowness of this relationship
I will never be able to return to this place
Of blissful ignorance
Where we float by, month after month
You, happy, and I happy enough
As long as I choose not to think.

Mundanity poisons our minds
And threatens to keep us sedated
In our blissful ignorance
Because that’s exactly what
This has become to you and I.
A place of familiarity,
Which offers no outlet for expansion.

We have limited this love
To a mere coexistence
Where we smile and laugh
Enjoying the ease of life and each other’s presence
And if that is not somehow wrong,
Why do I feel so empty?

I've captured too many words for you
Grasping them from thin air
To place them on your dry lips
(Your silence is no longer my refuge
And I shall be your author no more)

I've swung this axe enough
Trying to break the ice that
You've deemed your shield
(Your ambivalence is no longer my muse
And I shall be your sculptor no more)

I've held you too tight
Tried sewing your wounds
And drew back ****** fingers
(Your fear is no longer my life passion
And I shall be your nurse no more)

And so, you've humbled me enough
I can now accept defeat
And leave you to your ego
(Your heart is no longer my obsession
And I will be your lover no more.)