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 Dec 2013 James Marcro
dreaded jk
If I never was born who would replace me
If I never learned bad things how good would I be
If I never learned to walk could people step on my toes
If I never learned to talk how can I tell you dont hurt me
If I never could see would I only have good memories
If I never
Beyond a soil so old that serves a tomb,
And streams that run so sweet to flourish blue,
Next a wilderness loving like the womb,
There grows a tree, old patron solid true.
He loves his children much with winding root,
The charming birds band, number on him much.
Old witness pays his dues and reaps of fruit,
But is he always good to love and touch?
He withers like all things so good, he must.
His branches spread, so high and dry they die,
Wind brisk through his leaves fly, and so they rust,
As all the forest, all the sadness cry.
He stands, but dead, as all his children strong
Await upon his wake to look so long.
Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.
I love someone on TV
I’m half convinced that he loves me.
He never calls, or texts, or writes
I only see him Thursday nights.
He never looks me in the eye
In fact he often walks on by
From scene to scene, from girl to girl
Like he can’t see me in his world
He says his lines (yeah, it’s all script)
And I can’t get enough of it!
At the point when I feel done
He wants to, you know, be “the one”
The hero, yeah, the only guy
As if on cue, he starts to cry.
**** it all, I love this man!
He’s got this Emmy in the can…
“In love someone on TV?”
Not really but I outta be
All that nothing that I get
I’m tired of your disrespect-
It’s over.
…P.S. I remembered you only read poems that rhyme. Enjoy.
Copyright  2010 Leanore Wilson
 Dec 2013 James Marcro
saach
Should I stop?
Stop trying to be the human that I'm so unfamiliar with.

Would you like me then?

Or should I cry?
Lie at your feet; shaking, bleeding.

Would you understand me then?

Is it too much for me to ask;
for you to break down the walls,
and see me for what I am?

Only human.
The enjoyment of eating,
Marvels of television's ability to drown problems,
Games to replace reality was all he wanted.

The young life,
Reality,
Offered everything emotionally diabolic to a growing, developing mind.

Through ridicule from elementary peers; fat, ******, stinky or stinker or something relational.
Through defensive mechanisms of accepting ridicule from family.
Through seemingly harsh reactions to a young mind’s spoken word;

A growing  trait to hide thoughts, emotions, began.

Speak and be brought into pits of embarrassment, hurt and hate?
The enjoyment of hiding, an escape.

A life sentence in confined silence -
Everything
Internalized.

Problems, actions, reactions, actions to be, thoughts and emotions occurring and to be, all internalized.
Unaware the implications were to be damaging later,
He proceeded to master the skills to hide in plain sight.

An arduous battle,
An escape from confinement to undo the silence,
Creating immunity to criticisms and differing opinions began.
Not without heightened defenses to new pressures,
Success was found.

Attempts made,
Success found,
Won battles,
The internal struggle of war with self continues at dreadful paces.
Thoughts to control past silence must always be on the offensive.
Control the defensive,
The strong silence.
Perhaps always and forever.
 Dec 2013 James Marcro
Anony Mous
This fear
Is nowhere near
Anything I have experienced before
Leaving me shaken to the core
Wretched and poor
Happiness no more

This pain
Attains
Nothing  but lies
Watching my spirit die
While everyone is standing by
Receiving countless irritated sighs

All I know how to do is fail
My bones are so frail
Fresh thoughts have grown stale
My insecurities come at me like hail

I'm sorry I turned out this way
All that is pure has gone astray
I realize it's not okay
The more and more that I decay

This isn't who you wanted me to be
I am anything but happy and free
I never wanted this, you see
But it's these profound insecurites

I apologize
I know you put that pain in disguise
When I bombarde you with lies
Causing your anxiety to rise
You can't hide it, I can see it in your eyes

I tried and I tried
To keep you satisfied
Was it so hard to comprehend the words that I cried?
In you
In this life
I no longer confide
no structure or anything, just a poem I jotted down a very very long time ago that expresses the feelings that I kept bottled up.
My head falls
to the pillow

and I
breath in,
your soap
distinguishable.
Even in the night's dew.

it's all imagined.

you're not here.
we decided that
long ago
(or rather, i did).

We hugged this morning.
Breathing, as innocent as
the first.

The bee hung about our heads.
The only one who saw such an embrace.

Buzzbuzzbuzz.
a stolen moment
where our hands locked,
not intended
(like before),
only meant to bring you forward.

We were going to explore.
I sit here alone with this craving for him.
A thirst that can not be quenched.
My whole body aches, but my heart really explodes.
I'm losing my breath and the whole world is about to see how weak, incomplete, vulnerable and lost I truly am as a single functioning unit.
The "other half" that you all claim to meet does not have definition when not one bond on Earth compared to this sacred PASSION for each other we both shared.
No one has it. No one knows it. It is not even fair to talk about due to its unrelatable nature.
It is not something we should toss away.
I was stupid, I lied. I was everything inhumanly.
Most of all I lost you. And I let you lose something simply beautiful. I ruined it for you and I am sorry, SO SORRY, and I cry for you, and for me. I love you, I love you, I ******* LOVE YOU, and I'll do anything to be with you. I will **** for it. **** for you. Please, please, PLEASE!!!
I don't want to cry anymore,
I can't be without you anymore.
Here I go.
"love? I don't
believe in love"
I say this a hundred times,
hoping it gets stuck like
the stain on your favorite shirt
you just can't remove
you eventually learn to look good
in it, to wear it
like it could only belong to you

that people would believe that.
that you could just leave
old selves behind.
that the moon and the stars will
be rocks and fire and gases
instead of a promise
instead of a dream
and a life built on a dream
and a whispered "it's okay"
the stars say "what is a stain on a shirt,
when love is love?"

"love? I don't
believe in love"
I say this a thousand times
because I need
more convincing

*"pain, pain, pain."
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