Sometimes I feel like I'm here, but not really.
My breath moves like last words,
slow, full of missing you dearly

I smile and wave at people, my life seems dynamic.
But inside my mind,
sh sh sh
Just white noise, static

I often look in the mirror and think is this me?
These Halloween eyes with cracked skin underneath?

I feel alone but not lost, I know where I am.
But if one is lost in his mind, what is life but a scam.
I Need help today, right now, real handy!

Because I feel like a Jack who's in need of his Sally,
Like jack my emptiness began to grow,
way before these hallowed eyes,
this skin, breached with holes.

It's been growing like fungus putting it's static in my ears
It's been hiding like a rat, only coming out in my tears.

I often wondered what this feeling is, and I now know.
the fog of my life is lifting and this feeling now shows

It's there and so clear, but it hurts still the same,
it's been buried for so long deep down under my veins,

It burns my veins cold and makes icicles of my bones
And there it is, the feeling:

"A longing that I've never known"

Sometimes I feel as if my heart's not in place,
As if it's jumped from my chest straight up to my face
It starts out slow, crawling inch by inch
Up to my neck with a squeeze and a pinch
It squeezes my thoughts and brings tears to my eyes
But they will not fall, I cannot cry
Then I see your face and my heart stops it's climb
It's tight in my neck, no more are you mine
My muscles tense up as I turn my head right
And my heart moves again, this is not the end of the fight
It's now in my throat and my breathing's reversed
This ride must be over, my heart's bout' to burst
I miss you, I miss you, more than you know,
More than the sun shines, on untouched snow
More than the trees miss the summer glow
More than I wish I had so long ago,
And I walk away, I walk away slow
Like a man with no heart where yours should go
My Heart's still up in my throat sending beats through my soul
These beats fall loudly, a heart deafening stroll
They tell me things that I already know,
With you, Without you,
I will never be whole

Today I feel like today is not real,
As if my reality has flipped and now spins like a wheel
Up and down, sideways and backways
How long have I been here?
A minute? An hour? perhaps a few days?

This reality ***** like the thumb of a child
Looking for comfort, forever beguiled
It makes me feel lonely like a knot in a tree
So different from others, there's no one like me
I sit here in this third dimension
Forgotten
Alone
With a desperate need for attention
unsatisfied, unknown

Nobody sees things in the light that I see
My light shines bright, opening the lock with my key

I notice that I feel this reality quite often
Like holding a thousand pounds of ambition
With no courage to soften
Like a wrecking ball of abuse is strangling me like a noose
Like a straight jacket of hope is grabbing me by the throat!
Like a blaze full of sadness so viscous and angry!
This life feels like all that and more,
Pretty much
Mainly

There's some feelings here that cannot be put into words
Ambiguous like art, quick fleeting like birds
They rush through my mind fast like a subway train
but they hurt no matter what, deep in my heart and my veins

This reality stinks, like a soldiers wet feet
full of post traumatic stress
my minds naked, undressed
I need hope, i need help, I need something to eat,
preferably a meal of woman's love,
gentle & sweet

I'll sit in my reality, waiting for something to come round'
Maybe just one smile, perhaps many! Leaping towards me in bounds!
Maybe a whole slew of "you can's" and "no need to frown"'s
Till then I still go backways and sideways, on my wheel of Up Downs

I walk outside to see the trees and the leaves
To smell the creek, and let time leak
To look up at the sky and ask him "why?",
But he just stares down at me and begins to cry
His tears walk down my head and enter my eyes
And I struggle to look around at this world I despise

My mind is Ice frozen straight to it's core
And my body shudders, It can't do this no more
I cannot go on as if it's alright
As if there is some sort of bright light in this night
As if all this merciless Hate is alright
It's not alright in fact it's too much
People hating people, using hate as a crutch
Muslim, Jew, Gay and *******
These things, these stupid things they belong in the garbage

Tell me when, tell me where did these times disappear
Where all it took was a mere smile for cheer
Now our smiles are absent and our flat screens prevail
We have unknowingly convicted our souls straight to jail
And we have so little Time to laugh and love with each other
It's about time we stop ******* and embrace neighbor as brother
We should all love one another as the cliche implies
Because a life lived in Hate is a life built on lies

I feel my body stir as If i was sleeping
Then I crack open my eyes and notice I'm weeping
The world is a blur, the trees and the grass
But my mind is ready to be molded
Like fire-touched glass
I don't know why I left indoors today of all days
To go outside and cry in the rain
But I walk in and and sit down, to slow my mind for a while
Then I close my wet eyes and begin to just smile.

I step into the cold night
and watch my breath dance on the stars.
A brief polka on Venus, and a slow jig on Mars.
Cupping my paws to my face,
I feel the heat of the dance
Its all over my nose and weaves through my hands
I dance, oh i dance in the snow round' my feet
till my toes hit the grass and my feet feel the heat

the heat grows and the dance speeds
not just a little, but in bounds
in bounds it proceeds!
My veins stop their flow
just to witness this show and this
makes my heart throb little to, and little fro.

I keep dancing you see, though the night
through the streets.
With my breath in the stars and the blocks
on repeat.

the dance rages in my brain,
it's a party it's insane.
I begin to lose my mind, engulfed in the dance
and all of a sudden I'm at her door,
this can't be by chance.

Then the dance stops and my feet hold their ground
I'm alone in the night, left and right.
There's no one around.
Just me and my breath, which is staggered and small
I laugh a nervous laugh, it sounds more like a bawl
What am i doing?!
I see my hand raise to chest height,
and i hear the dancing again
boom, bing, pow! into the night

I knock three times, matching the bump bump of my heart
and this dance of life proceeds to slowly rip me apart.
I turn around to take one last look at the night
it's beautiful it's wonderful it's an eye's delight
It's a dance in the sky, so vivid and starry
Then the door opens up,
and my minds blank

"I'm sorry"

This moment is here,
this moment is gone
this life is sho...

gone as well,
not time to dwell
on what could of been

the ort of short the
ong of long
no moments for them,

In my moment song.

Goodbye for now,
far well, good ciao

see you soo..
Oh no, not now.

I'll see you in a moment
sometime not here
but far from now.

I live life on the edge
On the edge of defeat
On the edge of deceit
On the edge of my seat
Will i fall?
skip a beat
feel the heat
live in the street
Will i rise?
become the best
need no rest
beat this test
Or will i embrace?
this pace
this endless race
this colorless taste

These questions are like fire
they light you up
they bring you higher

But maybe we should stand still
take in our fill, not climb this hill
just enjoy the time,
fulfill this rhyme,
live now, not later
nor up or down,
but straighter