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 Sep 2013 manicsurvival
Mutt
Today i entered a prison. the likes i have never seen before.

this prison has no bars,
no chains,

Disguised in false hope and fake smiles,
Leave your loved ones at the door,
We will take care of them,
Or so they promise,

as i walked down the halls of this prison,
i felt the dread,
as sorrow,
filled my head,

any happiness i felt before,
was ****** away,
nevermore,

My sunny disposition is clouded,
My chipper attitude dulled,


as their unheard cry's,
watered my eyes,

cry's of longing....

                                                    ­              ......waiting.......waiting......

Prisoners stay in their rooms,
or wander the halls,

being held captive,
only by body and mind,
which are failing,
surrounded by their own kind,

.....waiting.......waiting

For what?
family, friends, or some thing unworldly,
to take them,
with a promised return,
for which they desperately yearn,

Saying they will come visit,
Promising for an escape ....or end,
While they force a smile,
To hide the pain,

So what?
they are getting the help they need
for some it is help they don't want,
hope has already left their eyes,
now just expecting lies,

I finally reach my grandpa,
Well.... thought it was him,

This shriveled old man,
Is not the G pa I know,

Tell me your theories of life,
And how to over come strife,

you fight for life,,
Your Moore for gods sakes,
I don't expect less!

We say our good byes,
Our lies,
And give him false hope,


so he can go through his days,
in a half awake haze,
cause all he can do....

                                                         ­            ..... is wait.
Get better grandpa. till you're better i will wait.
 Sep 2013 manicsurvival
himz
A day or rather a night
Enthralled by smoke and wine,
More I try to forget, it clings to my mind.
Oh, what an amazing night!

With you by my side,
World just seemed a beautiful sight,
Endless hugs and care.
Oh, what an amazing night!

Talking over trivial things,
Laughing, joking and smiling,
So many soulful conversations…
Oh, what an amazing night!

Feeling of freedom,
Away from worldly plights,
Going out to eat maggi n pasta at the middle of the night.
Oh, what an amazing night!

If time could be reversed,
If it all could be rewind,
If we could go back to that night,
Laugh, shout or may be fight,
Be together carefree and smile
Just like that amazing night!!!
liquid
substance

rocks
substance

smoke
substance

can’t remember
substance

which substance?

abuse
abuser
abusie

abooozie
*****
abuse

fill up my cup
abuse

fill up my pipe
abuse

fill up my syringe
abuse

fill up my veins
abuse

fill up my heart til it’s beating hard enough for me to feel alive
abuse

feed the mermaid in my kneecaps with glitter liquid
abuse

any kind
abuse

to make me forget
abuse

just want to use
abuse

to make me forget the pain
when he lays hands on me
lays his own
abuse
on me

someone once told me, substance abusers are weak
face your problems head on
why do you need to see stars before you wake up
why is coke your coffee
why is whiskey your orange juice
why is **** your pancakes

and I say
if I am weak
then how come I can cling onto the clouds

perhaps, if I could live to be 1000 years old
I will have clinged to the clouds long enough for them to get sick of me

but for now, those clouds are my demons
and I’ve never loved the color red
so much
Babe your smile I can read
that's something that seems so genuine
You think I always got my normal sun burn going
but honestly you got me blushing
Making eye contact and that smile, brings such a rush
Sorry if you think that staring at my lips is not that noticeable
because honestly you do it way too much
How you laugh at every little thing
you give those tell-tale signs
that speak volumes more than our words
It's not a mystery of why you always grab onto me
always wanting one more touch
even if for an instance you get the pleasure of how my skin feels
You want to know who I am, and all that I am
So you laugh, flirt, throw things at me, and eventually bite me
To see if I taste as sweet as you would think
I'm no candy apple, even if I may be so brightly red
Even with everything fittingly the right place
I can't do this
No matter how much you want to know me
I can't do this
With every second I feel like I'm dying, once I get pass those goo-goo eyes
I can't do this
Sorry babe but I can't tell if this is some where new
or some where that I died before
Meet new girl, get to know new girl, does things that only people that "like" you do, Don't believe that they like you, accept being alone forever, die.---"what if a person likes you more than a friend"---This is my response, even though I just deflected it in person.
She moves like poetry in the mornings.
Soft pink and gold kisses her all over
to wakefulness, to dream.
soft turns and breath music
enough to release me
from these moonbeam eyes
in a trance
the feel of her breath on my skin
hands undulate
beneath feather sheets
the feel of warm silk
on my own-
glorious.
Stirrings, small circles on my chest
the feel of her lips smiling
beneath closed eyes.
I cannot resist
running my finger down her spine
as the mad scent of her
engorges my brain.
I can watch her like this
for all eternity.
Butterflies flutter open
at the sound of my name.
The faintest trace of whirlwinds
at her fingertips
tracing my lips.
One kiss.
One smile.
And she is forever out of my life.
like a moth to the flame
you are drawn to her name
because you see her sparkle, shine
the sweetest fruit on the vine
and her laughter, like a song
wish you could sing along
sometimes she's quiet, still
and you wonder what she would feel
in your world made of glass
where days are quick to pass
and nights seem never ending
so much of life was lost with pretending
but you see the way she dances
never afraid to take those chances
and how her smile is so true and bright
bringing hope to the darkest night
and they fall at her feet
the girl so innocent and sweet
her beauty so fragile, so rare
all because she chose to care
when the world gave up
she always sought love
in the darkest places
in the strangest faces
because it was a gift she had
to find the good beneath the bad
you were afraid of the dark
and all the secrets in your heart
that you lost your glow
in a world where flowers won't grow
and the nights seem so never ending
it gets tiresome always pretending
so find that sparkle, find that shine
and you can be the sweetest
fruit on the vine
 Sep 2013 manicsurvival
Iris
It was Monday
you walked me home,
and i was (very) pleasantly surprised
even though
my face was hard and cold
and focused on the newly-tarred road
because I remembered you weren't mine (anymore) after all
We made small talk
but that was it
I wasn't really listening anyway

It was Tuesday
you walked me home
and i was (very) pleasantly surprised
(i was hoping, but not expecting)
I let a small smile play on my lips
when you reached for my bottle and took two sips
I asked about the names you gave to the cats (the ones i rescued just for you)
It seems you told me yesterday
i guess i wasn't listening; you repeat them anyway

It was Wednesday
you didn't walk me home
I walked slower than usual
in hopes that you might catch up
And i constantly looked over my shoulder
in hopes that you might appear
I tilted the bottle to my lips (the one you tilted to yours on Tuesday)
and took bigger gulps than usual
In hopes that plain water might wash away
the dissapointment and angst that caused me to sway

It is Thursday
and i don't know if you would have walked me home
I hope you are (very) unpleasantly surprised
when you find out that it's too late
because i'm gone
because you were the only one
who could save me from myself and everything else
because i'm gone
and you're never going to walk me home again
 Sep 2013 manicsurvival
Mikaila
I'm pretty sure I dreamed you up
Late last night while I was walking in the rain.
I probably shouldn't tell you
That nobody's ever been
Proud
To hold my hand
In front of anyone else.
It probably shouldn't mean something to me
That your fingers felt natural laced with mine.
Everybody has hands,
Everybody can touch me.
Ah,
But few people can touch me
And make me feel it.
I could go on about your voice,
The way you stumble and trip over your words
That tugs at my heart in this deliciously painful way:
I want to stop your confusion
With a kiss.
I could talk about your eyes,
Sparkling, sparking a connection like a short circuit in my head
That makes me have to stop and re-collect myself.
With a ring of dark around the edges of the iris
That I read somewhere makes somebody more beautiful,
Scientifically.
It didn't feel scientific.
It felt gravitational.
I could say lots about the way your hair
Never falls the same way,
And dances, reaching, in the breeze
And somehow the image makes your eyes glow more.
But your hands...
Contact is a thing for me, you see.
Skin.
(Yours.)
I love contact, and it's because
No words get in the way of what you want to say.
If you feel and wish, you need nothing more than a brushing of fingertips
To say exactly what you mean to.
I think you heard me, all night.
I was saying everything
I wasn't saying.
You kept drifting back to me, your fingers on my knee
Or resting in my palm,
And I think that's really what did it,
Honestly.
What made me decide I don't care if this is a terrible idea
(oh it surely is)
I know I should probably make a better show of it-
A token attempt, really, to be smart.
But then again, when
Does that ever work out?
And your fingers twined with mine...
I think you carry some kind of low level electric charge,
And it sizzled through me every time your hand touched mine.
I thought of breaking the connection a hundred times,
Easier for you,
Easier for me,
But god, how impossible.
I held the thought in my mind and it hurt me to consider.
And so instead I pulled you a little closer
And kept going.
Outside walking in the rain early this morning,
When the streets were paved in silver and gold from the sheen of the water
That caught and held the soft glow of the streetlamps
I thought,
"Well ****, this is going to keep me up nights, isn't it?"
And it began immediately
To pour.
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