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1.9k · Apr 2015
She.
em Apr 2015
she’s the girl who will remember everything. from your birthday, to the story behind that scar on your left arm, to the number of freckles on your body.

she will love every inch of your body and your soul and even the heart you didn’t know you had.

she will take in everything you have to offer and give you back so much more. so much, that you won’t even know what to do with it.

she will open up the world for you. from books and music and film to things like culture and race and language.

she’s smarter and far more beautiful than she dares herself to show.

and you will love her.

you will love her like you’ve never loved anybody before.

she will level every winter your body has suffered with all the springs her bones have weathered.

and when you go, because you can no longer handle her, she will drown herself in alcohol and drugs and sorrow. and wonder why she wasn’t good enough.

she will refuse to be saved by any other hand because nobody can touch her quite like you.

she will **** herself with loneliness and then resurrect with her own scent.
and then she will do it again.

and again.

and again.

and again.

she will be weak and strong and bold and shy and mean and nice and everything in between.

she will grow. she will grow strong and tall.

and so will you.

and in ten years from now, when you run into her at the supermarket, she will ask about your marriage.

and while you’re there telling her about your wife, who is home with the kids, and your job, she will feel genuinely happy for you.

because she forgave you. she forgave you for walking away and she forgave herself for ever thinking she wasn’t good enough.

she will have realized by then that sometimes life will give you somebody just to watch you break when it takes them away from you.

and she will be okay with it.

and so will you.

but, she will walk away without telling you about her life because she doesn’t want you to hear it in her voice that she still remembers your birthday, and that birthmark on your right shoulder.

and that ten years ago, she had hoped you would run into somebody else and told them all about her being at home with the kids.
399 · Apr 2016
fam.
em Apr 2016
isn't it weird how we tell our friends and sometimes our coworkers that they're our family thinking that it's gonna make them feel like they're a part of something? like the word always has a positive connotation. you know..? we say things like, "we're not just friends. we're family." and at graduation ceremonies, you always hear the valedictorian say, "we became a family over the last four years." but that's not always what people wanna hear, you know.. sometimes we overlook the fact that people actually really hate the word and the last thing they wanna hear is someone tell them that they're family. that they hate the expression. sometimes all they need to hear is, "no... we're not family. we're your friends. and the great part about it is -- you get to pick us. you know, choose us. you don't have to settle for.. the violent alcoholics or the annoying siblings. the dumb cousins or the aunt who never minds her business."

I mean, I know people say it to be nice and it's the intention or the feeling behind it that matters. to care for a friend like they're a family member is great if you care for your family, but that's just it... what if you don't care for your family or they don't care for you, you know? having someone tell you you're like family isn't really comforting or pleasant to hear under those circumstances. and if you do have a messed up family, your friends will say, "you found a family in us." and it's like.. no, I don't want one. I want friends. I have a family and it's ****** up. why would I want another one?
357 · Apr 2015
8th Grade Contradictions.
em Apr 2015
My heart is weak,
It cannot and must not bare the truth before it breaks.
You don’t have to say it,
I know you don’t love me, I know you never did.
You feed on lies and deceit,
On people’s grief and pain.
You play with broken hearts and for one brief moment,
Mend the broken.
A face full of joy is your toy,
And a face full of tears is something you broke.
A trail of broken hearts is what you leave behind,
And a face full of tears pleading your return is what’ll follow you behind.
Love is a word of which you never knew the meaning of,
And tears are the reward for first place of the game you play.
Your words are like a forest where I instantly got lost,
Your heart is like a throne tantalizing in every sense.
Beating within the womb,
You bring me back to life just to **** me once again.
Your lies are like a maze which I cannot find my way out of,
But knowing that among this labyrinth you’re lost as well,
Gives me a sense of shredded fear.
You’ll try to use me to find your own way out,
As though you cannot find a way out of your very own trap.
I know I’m going to fall,
but not as hard as you.
And even if I did,
I can still lift myself up
And you can’t.
You have too many lies holding you back.
Your lies hurt so many people,
But only made them stronger.
The one and only person who you had at death is
You.
And though It shouldn’t,
It breaks my heart to see that a person who forgot you
Is one I’ll never be.
302 · Feb 2016
Doll
em Feb 2016
Good morning, doll.
What's up, doll?
Get some rest, doll.
Goodnight, doll.

Good morning, toy.
What's up, toy?
Get some rest, toy.
Goodnight, toy.

Oh, hilarious.
Absolutely hilarious.

Heh.

Let the games begin.
293 · May 2015
(A) work in progress.
em May 2015
...But what compels a person to allow themselves to do something as stupid as to fall in love, is beyond me.

It starts with something as simple as their favorite color, movie, and book.

Next thing you know, you're up at 4 AM smoking their favorite cigarettes just to remind yourself of what they tasted like.

You brew their favorite coffee and know what parts of the book made it their favorite without ever having asked.

You know every note on their favorite song and that the performer has a birthmark on their left cheek.

And you tell yourself you won't listen to any more songs because you don't want to become a genuine fan.

But before you know it, you too are buying concert tickets.

For one.

And smoking squares for fun.
258 · Oct 2015
Ellipses
em Oct 2015
hey.
hi.
are you home?
yeah, what's up?
can you come outside?
uhm, okay.
...
she's okay now.
ya know, just in case you were wondering.
...
that hole you left in her chest feels... whole.
...
clever, huh?
NO.
I refuse to romanticize heartbreak.
it's not okay.
it's not okay for you to walk away as I stand there and watch you while breathing foul air.
it's not okay for you to come back just as the smoke is clearing up and then start a forest fire once again.
it's not okay now and it wasn't okay then.
it was never okay.
and yes, I resent you.
But
...
I don't need a breathing mask anymore.
The flames don't burn.
The smoke doesn't cloud my eyes.
I learned to take the heat.
to embrace the fire.
...
sighing.
...
more sighing.
...
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Reply.
...
Goodbye.

...

he­y, that rhymed.
189 · Dec 2015
Untitled
em Dec 2015
you said you didn't love me
& I realized
I'd never heard you say something so confidently

Not even months before
when you had said you were sure you did

— The End —