my **** star lips are not for you to taste
nor the "unhealthy" curvature of my hips
and waist.
i have made myself an object
(perfection in all traits)
love is no longer
left up to The Fates.

i wonder today
as i walk down the street
if someone
will yell at me.

something like
"does the carpet match the drapes?"
"want a ride?"
"nice ***"
"you're just my size"
"hey ginger"

red in the head
good in bed
they say

i am glad the pictures here are in black and white.

You would have loved
Edinburgh Ole
another place
you never got to see

you wanted to go
I know
I could have been
your guide

I know the place
like the back
of my proverbial hand
could have taken you

along Princes Street
taken you up
Scott's Monument
up the narrow stairs

to the top
or in the gardens below
with flowers
and seats

the bushes
or up
the Royal Mile
with all its history

and sights
we could have gone
into the Castle
and viewed

each historical inch
(you would have
dug that all
that silent history

waiting
to be ****** in)
the one 0' clock gun
the view from the top

over all the city
but I can see you now
making your own
way there

(in spirit)
in your own
good time
walking in

your own casual pace
in your Doors tee-shirt
and blue jeans
the dark shades

the hair fresh cropped
short maybe
showing the scars
your smile(great smile)

taking in
a few bars
on the way
breathing in

the smell of beer
and scotch a
small taster
in your silver case

in your back pocket
you standing
on Arthur's Seat
having walked

to the top
(maybe breathless)
and seeing
the horizon

beyond the City's touch
enjoy Ole
make it
when you can

miss you
my son
my Ole
my man.

you delve deep into the naked sunset,
only to emerge with the small
dying embers
of the sun
in the weak scarlet of your
palms.

It's sickening how we behave
it's thickening my blood
as I feel the wave
splash through my body
it's taking me away

cause it's sickening how we behave

Everyone loves you when your on top
but wouldn't do the effort
they wouldn't go out of their way for you

My stomach turns
it turns
I can't bare it
I can't hold in this anxiety
like ants crawling through my veins

I love too much then I hate too much
I've got too much to do
too much on my mind
it's too much


But somehow my life seems empty
like I'm never doing enough
it's contradictory it's crazy
it's stupid
I can't sit still
I can't undo this grin
on my face

I'm sick
so so sick of this

Cause it's sickening how we behave
My life is blessed with so much
but honestly it feels like I'm in a grave

this anxiety deep in my core
isn't going away
it's here to stay
Blinded through this life
trying to feel my way

And right now I feel sick to my stomach ..
Could be a sign that I'm going the wrong way .