It doesn't matter if you're set
Christmas always comes
Even if you do forget
It doesn't matter if you're set

Even if real ****** you get
On egg nog with five different rums
It doesn't matter if you're set
Christmas Always Comes!!

When I saw the rush of red
I panicked
sobered up
Ambien no longer had its sleepy hands around my throat
I threw my silver knight against the shower wall
Ran out shivering and naked into the hallway
Dripping life force
I made the mistake of telling someone
Because only the next day in the white four walled cell containing me
Did I realize how much I wanted to no longer exist
I laid in bed for three days on and off crying and shaking
Finally got released
To an even more cold family
Even more estranged from everyone I know
And everyone that thought they knew me
I act happy jump threw your hoops
Make sure I seem back to normal
And every night go to bed
praying to not wake up in this life

Every time I hear the phone ring once I've gone to bed
I shudder
I'm afraid of what the news might be if I go and answer
I shudder
I hate the sound of that **** phone
Late at night and all alone
Feel like a kid though I am grown
I shudder

I don't want to hear that someone died
That phone just reaches deep inside
And pulls me to a place I don't want to go
With parents ill, and others sick
That ringing phones a ***** trick
The news that comes with it ...I just don't want to know

My mind is racing like my heart
With images of life as we once knew it
I don't want to forget a single day
Of how we laughed and we would play
I just don't know how I will quite get through it
The thought of losing someone close...is tough
Of pain and grief, this heart has had enough.....

So....Every time I hear the phone ring once I've gone to bed
I shudder
I'm afraid of what the news might be if I go and answer
I shudder
I hate the sound of that **** phone
Late at night and all alone
Feel like a kid though I am grown
I shudder

I know you didn't mean for this to happen
and your heart would break if you could have seen my reaction
when I found you on the floor, blue as I've ever seen a person before
It doesn't make sense to me, how could it be?
That I was laying in bed, just trying to get more sleep
While you were laying on the floor
Getting much more than sleep...
It only took one look for me to know you were gone
but I pounded on your heart and told myself to be strong
I told myself you would wake up and ask me what was wrong
"What happened? Baby girl, why you so sad?
I just bumped my head, look... it's not that bad"
But that's not how it happened, and I lost my dad
That's not how it happened
My daddy didn't come back

But I remember every Friday night, our movie night.
I remember going to that diner with you and getting chocolate milk out of a frozen mug with a side of the best curly fries I'll ever eat.
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night I used to never move until I fell asleep... and if I had to *** in the middle of the night, I squeezed my way out perfectly just so I could come back into the spot you tucked me in.
I used to always want to sleep with you in your bed... remember, daddy?
**To me, you're not dead.