And all of a sudden you wake up one morning and everything has changed
No one cares anymore
And there's nothing you can do except try to take it all in
And Try not to lose your mind

With a childhood comfort,
most of my existence
I have had dreams
in the light;
because I am not a cave man
with electricity at my fingertips
whenever requested.
This light, with
a firefly hum and glow.
Then I reasoned with myself.

A lack of melatonin
rushing through veins
never did any good
to anyone.

Last night,
I slept
in pitch-black darkness
and now,
like
oh my oh my,
I can't differentiate between
my dreams in the light
or my thoughts in the dark.

I'm almost always certain
that with certainty
comes a certain thought
that I and only myself
will ever be certain about
and in knowing this
I'm certain that
life lacks a certain certainty
So while you or I could claim
To be certain about revolutions
Or feelings that are certainly
certain
I think i prefer to believe
That i am certain of nothing
and only the certain things
in life are worth avoiding
and if i was certain of this
well, id certainly be insane
Don't you find this to be certain?

i've dreamt of you
for the past 5 nights.
that sunshine hair and
that almond milk skin

won't let me be.

i'm tired of kissing
your ruby lips and
holding that body
tight in these dreams that

won't let me be.

the fact that i can't
run these fingers down
that goddess back of
yours makes me mad. it

won't let me be.

every night your
angel face appears
and your angel voice
says "i love you" and

i can't handle it.
you're so far
from me
and
i can't
have you. it's
all so twisted.

I'm not me.
I struggle through life with my
siamese twin.
It's getting stronger than me.
Heavier.
It's lied alot in the past,
first white lies,
then little fibs,
then real lies
and now we're here
and I don't know who to believe.
I think this time it's telling the truth.
I think this time the boy's not crying wolf.
I think it's just me doing the crying.
Nobody seems to help,
nobody seems to understand
how big,
how tiring,
how cumbersome
my twin has become,
what I have to lug about
every day.
Nobody understands how much it's
distorted reality,
so I don't what's real
and what isn't.
But no.
This time I think it's being honest.
And isn't honestly the best policy?
Although,
they also say
ignorance is bliss.
I wish I had an on/off switch for my twin.
I wish I could turn off the power.
I can feel somebody hovering over mine.

the little games your mind plays, like when daddy screamed about how much he loved the windshield wipers in that old, old car. it is probably a mere scrap of metal now. you spent the afternoon on a bridge, in the forest, now your fingers are slow and a vibrant cold against the warmth of your kitchen. my first memory is a photograph. it gets easier to be alone the longer you are, i have found. we see the same constellation every night, Aryan lined up to greet us as soon as night falls. he takes over her like ivy on trees, wrapping its tendons tight around the skin, suffocating, asphyxiating. they say every person has a mind of their own, the contest between strangers; who can hold the steadier gaze? do your eyes glaze over at the sight of a smile? or do you match it with one of your own? the interaction between strangers is my purest form of socialization, the ease, the comfort.
the little games your mind plays, playing tricks on you all **** day.

One man army staring into the abyss
Thin skinned crusader trying to shift the culture
But when you fall, you fall alone
And rock bottom is a lonely place
Every night another war to be fought
Allies perished, friends are gone
So this is growing up my darling
I'm not sure how long I can go on