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 Jun 2013 madeline may
Morgan
My second biggest fear is that
I will lose my mind one day...
My biggest fear is that
I never will
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Morgan
I tried to find a home in you
And when I couldn't,
I tried to build a home in you
And when I couldn't,
I tried to buy a home in you
And when I couldn't,
I begged with tired lip & worn out tongue,
"Please shelter me"
But the green light in your eyes blinked,
"No vacancy"
I thought it would get easier as time passes
but every time your name leaves my mouth
I feel all the oxygen in my body leave with it
depleting my energy
ripping my throat to shreds as it makes its way

Your name --
It used to sound delicious on my lips
leaving me breathless
Now it's a different kind of breathless.
The kind that suffocates me
and laughs as I begin to choke.

I used to think it brilliant that you saw colours
when you heard my voice.
Now I wonder if the only colour you'd see is
that of darkness and hatred

                                     *-lf-
© Leelan Farhan
    June 7 2013
 Jun 2013 madeline may
j
i wish to become one
with the deepest and bluest sea
i want it to carry me away
to the lands that exist only
in my troubled mind
i would cease to suppress
my unspoken fantasies
and live in harmony
in this realm of the
non existent
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Leah
my eyes are drying out.
time to put them to rest for awhile.
I should've stopped you, but never did.
we can't control ourselves, we can't stop this.

when I am blind,  I will be able to guide you.
I don't need my sight to bring you home.

when your voice gives out, I will still hear you.
loud and clear,  as if you're speaking in my ear.

my eyes are drying out.
at this hour they are so useless.
I should've slept, but I never did.
we can't take back this curse we cast ourselves.

so when you fall,  I will be there to help you up.
no matter how many reincarnations,
or centuries have passed between us,
my soul will wait to take you home.

and when we our blind, our hearts will see for us.
in shades of summer and youth, we will map out the great adventure that lies before us.

and, oh, how it lies.
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Leah
the smell of gasoline was making its way,
through my childhood home,
from the oven to the hallway,
to my bedroom, coming to stain my lungs.

somebody is going to wake up.
somebody is going to regret this.

my hair is still pink and blonde,
but the roots are coming in.
the paychecks getting smaller,
my lungs are getting darker,  
and so are my sins.

finally we found ourselves a drinking spot.
four of us,  two and two,
him and he, me and you.
packing bowls, crushing beer cans,
lighting up the dark.

I never asked myself for this
and I never accepted it.

but I found you by your voices.
by the smell that lingers
underneath our lamp post,
by the feeling that pulls me out of the dark,
and into the last summer of my life.
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Annie
My worst regret:
I forgot to tell you while your heart
was still kicking that 
I love you
I love you
the last time I saw you,
was march 23, 2008.
(happy birthday)
but you took your yellow bumblebee
coat, caked in ash and cigarette smoke
and you sat in your garage
loaded pistol in the back in case the asphyxiation
was not enough
let me tell you, the exhaust
was more than enough
it spread like wildfire
into my lungs.

13 years old
is a bit young
I blew out the candles
and you blew
out your brains.

I wonder what would have happened
if I told you that
I love you
instead of watching you go
I think we all wonder from time to time.
I miss you, ty.
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