our broken love was all that we had
we were lonely souls with nothing to lose
except our friendship and our sanity
we were shattered and helpless
looking for some hope in this seemingly
loveless and hopeless world
with us both left lonely and wanting
someone to hold
we turned to each other
but our hearts turned cold
and to this day I cannot lie
I miss your friendship
and your blue eyes
but I can't forget
the way you hurt me
and the way you completely destroyed me
even though you said
you loved me
                        ( and I know we all lie
                          and I know promises are always broken
                          but you lied about loving
                          me and those kind of lies
                          can destroy people
                          and you said you meant it
                          when you whispered
                          forever but that was nothing more
                          than an alluring deceit )

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you caused me the greatest pain i have ever known by leaving.
yet the thought of you returning to me is more beautiful than any dream i can imagine.
my heart aches and breaks for you.
but i think i’ll miss you forever
like the sun misses the stars in the morning skies.
sometimes we meet somebody who’s iridescent
and nobody else can compare.
i guess i accepted what i though i deserved.
it’s like i’m drowning, but i can see everybody else breathing.
this summer is just a blur of all the perfect nights we spent together.
now from friends to lovers to absolutely nothing,
but complete strangers who were once very much in love with one another.
and i think about the last time i saw you. all the time.
yes, i’m drunk. but you’re beautiful.
and tomorrow morning i’ll be sober,
but you’ll still be beautiful.

oh how it rained and rained
and there you were still inside my brain.
a headache that wouldn’t go
along with the constant aches and pains of your remaining essence stored away.
i went outside on the roof. i saw the moon and thought of you.
summer is over and so are we.
the birds move on but i cannot.
flowers dying all around me
remind us the earth misses the laughter too.
you keep appearing in my sleep
stitching up the seams on every broken promise you couldn’t keep.
the rain begins to penetrate my skin
and thunder shook my feet.
i remembered the shape of your tongue.
the feel of your hand on my bare back.
every single one of your scars.
so now, i’m just cradling broken feelings.
but there’s so much beauty in a storm.

it’s 2 am
we’re sitting in your car, squeezing in the front seat.
you’re holding me in your big arms
you look at me, wild eyed and restless and whisper,
“i love you. and i don’t want to lose you.”
so i looked away and fought back my tears
i held your hand, but then quickly let go.
“but you don’t intend on keeping me either. do you?”
and to that you had no response

so we continued to lay there in silence
because i know you don’t love me.
or maybe you do, and maybe it’s just in a way that i don’t understand.
we always hurt the ones that we love
so maybe you just love me too much.
i can’t wake up in the morning without you on my mind.
it troubles me to think that we might not be meant for each other.
or this entire time you are just a dream.
if you are, how could my mind ever create a creature so beautiful?
a human so perfect.

you come to me with every unbalanced emotion
but i know if i ever show up at your door,
wild eyed and restless,
you will not show me sympathy or let me in.
you will tell me to go home.

i tried to spend time with you inside my head
because i'm not important enough for you to give up a lunch break for
or to sleep beside on a 2 o'clock august afternoon as you make the light shine through my bedroom window.
brown was never my favorite color, until i saw your eyes through my tears.

                you think it's romantic to **** the girl that writes poetry about you.
                the first time we slept together you took your underwear off first.
                and kissed my forehead and told me you loved me.

i'm asked why i don't leave you
and i say i live in a house with too many rooms.
that i want everything to happen to me as it happens.
i think you have the most beautiful mind
you're the type of person that people write songs about
and stay up all night crying over
praying to their imaginary friend for the pain to stop.

pierce my eyelids with fish hooks
and reel the thin line in
slamming my eyes shut
so I can finally sleep

I have stayed up countless nights
nailing my body to the hardwood floor
screaming in hopes
that something will change,
nothing does
and in the morning I find
splinters in my back

linoleum tiles replace
the skin on the bottom of my feet
for i find myself either in the bathroom
dying, or the
kitchen trying
and there are no longer
skeletons in my closet,
rather the haunting voices
of family and friends who
chose death over life
and they hang like outdated
fur coats that just
take up space
and I don't know if
I am the hanger or
silk lining inside.

Fear not, my friend, I've rescued you
And set you atop a stone,
Where you can sit and watch the world-
Ah, isn't it lovely all alone?

Don't weep, my child, for you are here
Against your wordly wishes,
But, sometimes what we think is best
Lands us broken and in ditches.

It's better here, above it all,
Look down upon the world-
Clench the day between your fist,
Watch it ooze out of your fingers, curled.

It's easier when you don't think,
For thought has dipped his feet
Into the muddied wishing well
That overflows with deceit.

Oh, fallen angel, does it hurt?
To wash off your bloodied palms,
And stretch your hands out to the sky,
A most perverted kind of alms.

You're safer here, on ground so high
That to look down is enough,
For if you were to take a leap,
Your faith would turn to dust.