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monica shomali Aug 2017
where does love go once it's lost? i think it still lingers behind in the shadows of our hearts and slowly steals our breath. why else do i want to faint every time i see you smile? you told me i was too fragile and i'm trying not to be. i'm trying to be an adult that drinks coffee, pays her own bills, and doesn't cry at words like we should just be friends. my history teacher told me to never make anyone my world. i didn't believe him until the night i almost overdosed. yet still all i know is to kiss you with my mouth full of forevers and smile at you like i'd never been hurt. but you knew i was lying so i just shut up.
monica shomali Jun 2016
how do you write about someone you can’t describe? when i look at you i feel language leave me. you twirl me around and smile like you’ve never been hurt and i feel like thats the part that makes me cry the most. i’ve been wanting to die for 1 2 3 4 5 now. i swear you don't even love me, because how can you love someone you don’t know. i’m not one to talk though i’ve loved you since before i even knew i would. you see we come from the same star. the universe knew what it was doing when it threw us together. the first time we kissed, i realized, and you smiled at me, because you knew. i swear you knew.

it always happens like this, you meet a boy and his touch begins to burn holes in your skin and his kisses leave bruises. you begin to crave his stupid hand in yours. it starts to hurt when you look at him and it hurts when you don’t. it feels like someone cut you open with a jagged piece of glass until suddenly, you realized you always felt that way.

i used to be afraid of my bed. i slept on the floor till my parents bought me a new one. now i share that bed with you. it feels empty if you’re not there. if we broke up i don’t now if i could erase you and the fact that for almost 8 months my bed was half yours. but i was all yours much longer than that. i just always wonder what i’m doing wrong. why can’t love just be enough. but maybe you just never did love me. i’m sorry
monica shomali Aug 2015
letter one:
blind. that’s what you are. you’re literally sitting next to me in this car high out of our minds eating Taco Bell. it seems this is the extent of our friendship. the idea that we have to be out of our minds to be friends. I can’t tell you how much I love you. I always told myself that if I found a guy with the same favorite ice cream flavor as me I’d marry them. I can feel your pain as you text her. I could feel your pain as you were crying in panera. you’re so silly. we can’t make homes out of human beings. someone should have already told you that. where are we? not location wise I know we’re in the Taco Bell parking lot, but in our feelings. where are we? when I told you that I went to school that one day looking like I got hit by a truck because I wAs up all night crying. it was because you told me the night before you would never pick me over her. well that one, that one hit me like a bomb.

letter two:
why do I always fall in love with the broken boys? the ones who’s hearts still belong to that girl they dated in high school? still saying “it should have been her”. or the ones who just can’t fall in love at all. who’s minds don’t believe in the concept or who are scared of commitment.

letter three:
I believe that we all are born with a hole inside of us and as we grow we fill it with something. some fill it with religion, some fill it with sports, and some of us make the mistake of filling it with another person. me? I’ve never found anything I’m permanently happy with even though I’m pretty sure the only thing that would come close would be you.

letter four:
I love you, and you love her. it’s like I’m trying to pick up the shattered remains of your heart off of the floor but I just keep getting cut and I’m bleeding everything and it hurts and I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ruining everything ok. i hate that this is how I feel and you’re just blind to it. you’re just a blind boy who’s still crawling while I’m just starting to run. maybe we’re meant to be together but I’m not going to run any slower just so you can keep up.
monica shomali Aug 2015
As a child, i always had nightmares about someone removing my heart and replacing it with a broken shadow box. if the sun were to explode we wouldn’t even know about it for 8 minutes and nothing gives me a heavier heart than knowing I wouldn’t be able to get to you before the world goes black to tell you i love you. I’m sorry. No matter how many times I say it, I’m still sorry. That this low ceiling of this small room is our sky and that i am not your umbrella, but your rain. Some nights when I can’t sleep, I pretend you’re lying down next to me, then suddenly the world doesn’t feel so cold anymore.

The worst part was i knew this was going to hurt from the moment I told you there were other fish in the sea and you told me that she was your sea. But then i loved you more, and I decided I was going to give you my heart. It’s 3 am and this alcohol is starting to taste like the broken promises you keep telling me.

You know it’s always been you right? 3 years ago I looked at you and I had this strange feeling you were going to mess up my life. I want to talk about love with you like it isn’t a promise to the both of us. I still have dreams that maybe you and I didn’t grow up and maybe we didn’t change. But i could destroy you in the most beautiful way possible that then you will understand why storms are named after people.
ali this is about you
monica shomali Feb 2015
if you’re ever sitting in your car and that song you said reminded you of me oh so long ago comes on, just know it’s probably 3 am and i’m probably sitting in the kitchen buzzed off of my cigarettes wondering if there’s anything bigger out there. i have galaxies inside of me and everything feels so ******* small in comparison.
i am always called beautiful, smart, and strong. yet i still always end up being alone every beating heart of every night. i usually forget i have only seen the world for 17 years. i have seen the most terrible things that have aged me beyond that. my thirst for red wine is never satisfied but you were able to get me to quit smoking for 6 months. so i guess some habits do die hard. now whenever i inhale my cigarette i can’t tell if i’m breathing you further into my lungs or exhaling you back out into the world where you belong. thats the trouble with loving a wild thing, you’re always left watching the door.
every weekend i pray that you're safe and not driving home drunk again like that night two years ago when you called me, completely plastered, telling me we didn't "understand each other anymore". I still think about that every day.
it's been almost 2 years and you don't love me anymore.
monica shomali Nov 2014
I want to save you with my mouth full of forevers. Listen to every beat of your ******* heart. Taste the morphine in your veins. I’ve never been one to do drugs but i wouldn’t mind inhaling you into my lungs. We haven’t even kissed yet and I already feel intoxicated.
1670 miles between us feel like nothing until all i want to do is hold your hand and drink ***** straight out of the bottle until one of us cries and confesses every sin that doesn’t even matter.
Why am I crying while I write this? You get my nerves us so much that it pulls the corners of my mouth into a smile while I cry. So don’t be fooled my nerves do a lot of crazy things. We could go to all the places I go alone if you want. I’ll show you all my favorite hiding places in DC. I’m tired of going to the art museums alone and thinking about how Picasso was so sad he ate yellow paint in hopes it would make him less blue and Da Vinci wrote everything backwards because that was all he knew. How insane do you have to be to make art as beautiful as the human body?
I look at pictures of her and I wonder why you would ever settle for a mortal after having Aphrodite. Now I’m left to pick up the mess she left behind. I’m trying to pick up shattered glass but my hands keep getting cut and I’m bleeding everywhere and I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m just not as beautiful as her.
you said if you find the right song, it flows through the cracks of your heart like liquid gold. I don’t think it necessarily has to be a song, it can also be a person. I know what it’s like to be broken so i’m not going to rush you but I’m holding my breath waiting for you to be mine and it’s knocking me the **** out.
monica shomali Oct 2014
There are 26 letters in the alphabet, A-Z, but how am I to string those letters together to make words into coherent sentences for you to have?
I know the rain tapping on my window right now is like poetry, because it's midnight and nothing good ever happens after midnight. I don't know you yet, or the way you walk, or the way you pronounce the word 'almonds'. I haven't even memorized the freckle pattern on your back yet so I'm not too sure this is going to work out. I'll try but we both know I'm afraid of heights.
I could show you why storms are named after people and the tiny ****** cracks on my porcelain body but you're broken too which is why I won't and we won't.
One day we'll lie on my bed and attempt to make constellations out of the stick on stars on my ceiling even though I put them there when i was 8 and had no method to my madness. Don't be surprised if you wake up at 5 am and I'm gone. I'm probably on the roof smoking a cigarette in the crippling heartbeat of the to-be sunrise. I'm selfish in that way.
I remember when I was 5 I left a bowl of mac and cheese on the table after i was done eating expecting someone to take it for me. 4 days went by until one morning it was gone. If thats not a metaphor for my life I don't know what is. Maybe thats why I'm a runner.
I guess this poem isn't really about you. It's more about me and what I think you should know before you decide I'm not a work of art you want to sting on your heart.
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