sometimes I don't understand
the reasons why time has been good to us,
or the reasons why it hasn't.

every little day dissected,
and sorted into "wrong" or "right",
our sins pile up by our bedroom doors,
while we try to sleep at night.

I am ugly inside.
I am rotting.

it is easy to understand why. 

but I can't quite figure out when I went wrong,  
which of my sins tipped the scales

what brought me to this place?
and what is going to bring me out?

but I am so happy for you. 
when I see you smile,
when I see that time has been good to you,  because you were always good to me.

and I understand why I have never deserved it.

this boy
is so very muscular
and handsome
and sweet
and so very
african
he thinks
jesus brought us together
and he likes my body
just the way it is
he doesn't try to
change anything
about me
my dad would hate him
not because dad's racist
but just because he thinks black men
are rapists
(maybe that DOES make him racist...?)
but then again
dad hates all boys
that like his daughters
i don't know
i feel happy
but too many things
make me smile
i can never be sure
if they're worth something

devolve
whats it all been for?
frost creeps in
light no more
the warmth that paints your rosy cheeks
is just as fleeting
as a naivete  blush
upon the cheek of a smitten girl
will the blue frills matter
as they burn in flames?
will the lace underlay flatter
your decaying face?
will reality reveal itself to you
on your dying day?
Or will you destroy the clock tower
before it tells you
that your time is up

she was new in town
not from around
but welcomed with open souls
to find a place to let her eyes
close
for a while
a place to cleanse
and re-dispense
the energies where they belong
should've been all along
but she came in time
now sweet clementines
cant even compare to the taste of this feeling
no longer reeling
for a fish thats too big with a line too taut
let go of her rod
and stopped  her fishing
realized that this world is
her water
and she better start swimming
before
she herself
gets hooked on a line
that deceives

archaic lands
heavy sands
the worlds gotten by so long
on so little
so why dont we?
the sun never asks for seconds
or steals the stars
to shine brigher
just like the moon never complains about sharing its light
its a fight or flight
kind of world weve made
this is mine
I found it first
its only a dollar
whats a few more hurt?
all of these things
blind us and bind us
til noone can find us
not even ourselves
yet we cling to the stuff
the this's and that's
because they define us
remind us
of who we are
or want to be
maybe if we set that free
we'd meet ourselves for the first time

lithe and quick
your body is an essence that bends and billows with every breath of the earth
dips and trips upon each falling moment
until your lost with no sense of direction
and time is just emit spelled backwards
as your energy radiates to fill all that youve ever known
or ever will
body overpowered by soul
and your just as real
as you are in  sleep
images creep
across your mind
actions no longer clandestine
but rather alive
for what seemed unreal
you now feel
from the chill down your neck
to the twitch in your toes
as you run barefoot along the open land
hand in hand
with imagination
and the skies are green while the ground is blue
you say hello and I hug you
and ask if youd like to dance
no trance or haze
just the ways
we live our life
no fear or strife
yet with no knowledge of what words even mean
anyway
thiga men to la say
yes I will go pick you a flower
thats gold and blue
to rest on your bare hip bone
as we ponder the pink clouds floating in the pond
deciding which to go rest on
in heaps of soft caresses
not one inch is left untouched'or unloved
the moon lays just below the surface of the water
and i trace my fingers across its surface
leaves channels of grainy sand
thats soon filled by little friends that burrow and tuck in
I blow very lightly and the moon goes out
while soft ripples rock me to sleep

a happy child
tangled in sand and strings of seaweed
cling to his velcro shorts
wet with the sea
the only love hes ever known
that kisses him every time he leaves and comes home
whispers from the trees and salty breeze
fill his mind leaving it at ease
for the hot months when the world is green
his imaginary friends laugh and pretend
sun soaks his skin and worries run thin
but there are voices shadowed in these happy notes
he cant quite make them out but they poke
holes in his shield of sunshine and gold
and soon the cool breeze infiltrates his armor
one by one leaves fall
colors lack in ardor
as does his smile
and those shadowed voices
grow stronger in the frosty chill
darkness like tendrils wraps and winds
around his mind
from the inside
out
the golden skin of a sun kissed romance
is chased away
leaving him white as if
he'd just seen a ghost
and the snow coasts
its way over
because everyone knows that
misery loves company
and each tear he sheds
is its own salty sea
streaming from eyes that no longer see
what the soul longs for
as they roll of his chin they hit the floor
and get sicked up
by the dry cold earth