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 Jun 2013 madeline may
Morgan
After he died, I spent two and a half years in my bed. The doctors said I was depressed. I think I was just tired.
I rose out of that coffin of satin sheets with a lot of coffee and some diet pills. I didn't climb back in for six months. The doctors said I was an insomniac. I think I was just pensive.
I eventually fell back in with too much Lunesta and some cough syrup. I finally started having dreams again but I couldn't decievere them from my reality. The doctors said I had severe anxiety. I think I just had a good imagination.
I cut until my bones ached. They called me suicidal but I think I was just bored.
I drank until my insides began to drown. They called me an alcoholic but I think I was just thirsty.
I stopped eating until my ribs stuck out. They called me anorexic but I think I was just lazy.
I said I ******* loved you. I said I'd always miss you. I said I really needed you. You thought I was just messed up & confused. But I think I saw you holding the rope that could pull me out of rock bottom.

Well heyyyy, what I think
never really matters anyway.
 Jun 2013 madeline may
hkr
packrat
 Jun 2013 madeline may
hkr
i kept the voicemails you left
months after they went stale
and sometimes i'd lock myself
into the bathroom
just to listen to them
without being accused of
being a packrat

the day that my sister
accidentally deleted
every single one
was the only time
i cried over you.
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Meka Boyle
Mother dearest jumped the gun,
Thought she found the chosen one
In the reflection of an eager bride
Who looked too deep and died inside.
Bang bang,
Mary shot her down
And plucked the thorns from off her crown,
Aphrodite got too close
And lost her face beneath the smoke.
Time has never looked so sultry
As when she falls from noon with a nosebleed.
Mother Nature lost her mind
Trying to pacify humankind.
Ashes ashes, there's nothing real
When all that is, lives to be concealed.
So bury me beneath the ground,
Next to those who also drowned
In something of a sordid tune,
The funeral can never come too soon.
Helen brought her face of gold
Plastered in cement, frozen cold-
For, who we are isn't what it seems
And nightmares are but twisted dreams.
Wake me up so I can feel
The bitter pang of all that's real.
Momma has gone and leaped again
Deep into the lions den,
Down and down her figure drops
Until all at once, everything stops,
Torment has yet to look as docile
As when it rests upon her heavy smile.
So prepare my casket and let it sink
While I loosely cascade off the brink.
 Jun 2013 madeline may
j
rose petals grazed your cheeks
and daisy chains were woven into your hair
and your lips were stained as red as cherrys
and you looked happy
but on the inside you were dying

you were crying so much inside of your head
but on the outside you smiled
your lips bright still
and you wanted to cry, to let it all out
but that would ruin the façade and the mascara you'd put on

because the world didn't see how broken
you were
all they saw was the pretty girl with no troubles at all
and now you're gone, forever and ever
because the monsters in her head finally got her
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Morgan
I thought about setting myself on fire
Or drowning myself in a lake
I thought about eating a bottle of pills
Or drinking a gallon of salt water
I decided I needed a cigarette
I couldn't find a lighter
I cried
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Morgan
I have ink where my skin should be.
You trace it with your finger tips
every time you kiss me.
There are planes and sky scrapers
where the stars should be
in this cluttered city.
I pulled over at four in the morning
Lit a flare & lied down in the middle of the road.
I watched the sky fade
from black to gray and back again.
I counted the long faded, white scars on my wrists & my thighs until the morning sun swallowed me.
You counted unread text
messages as you sent them.
One
Hey where are you
Two
Please I'm worried
Three
Not this again
Four
I can't do this tonight
Five
Please don't
Six
Please don't **** yourself
Seven
I love you
Eight
I'm calling the police
Nine
Just make it through this night
Ten
Call me in the morning
****** sweetheart,
I did it again.
I'm sorry.
I fell off of the planet.
I melted into the night.
Please believe me angel
when I say,
I'm not going away from here.
I'm just going ******* crazy.
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Redshift
i sit on the streetcorner of your mind
and every once in awhile
you drive by
throw money at me
say
hey baby
how about a
smile
and i smile for you
because im in the red
naturally

you do not mind
paying for my ******* smiles
and playing with the curvature of my lips
you do not mind
buying me for an hour
to smile at you

i am glad
that my crinkled eyes
are enough to make you feel better
i am glad
that you feel you are good enough to me
to demand a smile for free
sometimes

and only because
i want you to feel better
do i give them to you
even when the bank is looming
shaking all the outstanding debts
at me
that i really
owe myself

you do not mind
ravaging the smile
you paid for
you figure that you are allowed to ****
that which is yours
and i let you
because you
paid for it
 Jun 2013 madeline may
Redshift
i like those
kisses that sit on your lips
like 90's kids
on a parkbench
yeah. maybe parkbench is actually two words. so is ******* ^_^
 Jun 2013 madeline may
E
Hate. (15w)
 Jun 2013 madeline may
E
Tell me lord, is it
  such a sin to
despise the skin
I'm living
in?
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