I'm scared of my ownself

Shut my eyes
Feel the sting of cold air against bare skin
Tangle your fingers in the frozen tears
They fall for us
No one is there
But I hear them near
All in agony
I sit in snowy fields

These tears promise revenge
But this heart promises pain
Your words whisper love
But your actions speak of hate

I am alone in this cold place

The stars disappear
The end is near
Give me the thorns of roses
The pierce my heart

This sacrifice is for you,
As the roses turn blue
And our love spills as scarlet staining the snow

Staring, empty, perfect
Taunting me, begging me, cursing me
The endless abyss of white ***** me in
Falling deeper and deeper into the bleached landscape
Losing my grip on why I’m even here
Do I dare mar the flawless sheet
With markings of one so unworthy

Mind spinning ceaselessly
Sweat forming into droplets on my brow
Its slander hits me, crushes me
Faces me with my own incompetence
Dares me to do something great, beautiful
Something, anything

Eyes clenched shut, fingers curled into fists
The empty canvas finally begins to fill
Lines zigzagging up, down, left, right
Railroad tracks of half thoughts and feelings
Come together in unison, sharing what makes them
Me, splattered in black

Taunts become support, mocking to applause
The daunting page is beaten
Conquered, overcome, tainted
All that I can ever be
Thrown across a space undefined by time
Life no longer binding
The me I put into the blank page

I say my bitter bye to your shadows.
No longer can I view the lexicon
in attempt to spread this curse, I endow.

Why can't the pollen love its bumblebee?
it's suffocation is merely a ruse.
Why? Why, is this the future that I see?

We played ball and you taught me about love.
I didn't know, I thought of Pokemon.
Yet now the knowledge slips on like a glove.

She baked cakes, without nurture no seed grows.
then you did it, looking only bemused.
How dare you. I won't let you drink your woes.

*******. This Christmas I don't need my toys.
I just want mommy, I just want a hug.
But I don't care no more...was that your ploy?

A cracked light looking out a window pane.
The world looking in, charmed by this drama.
But they don't know: "Santa I want mama"
really means, I want to die; end this pain.

Imagine a world with no discrimination
A world living in harmony comprising of peaceful nations
The only colour reference would be made to nature
Humans will no longer be judged on their nomenclature
Such is a dream seen by all
But Sir Mandela was the one who took the call
On July 18, 1918, a hero was born
But due to his colour all everyone did was scorn
No one in his family had ever attended school
He was the first one to break this rule
On the first day of school their teacher gave them an English name
This was an African custom due to British bias – how mundane
And that is how Nelson became his first name
He kept it even after he shot to fame
A member of the African National Congress
He gave his opponents a reason to stress
A great politician, revolutionist, lawyer and philanthropist
Served 27 years in jail but never used his fist
Although a controversial figure for most of his life
He won the Nobel Peace Prize for ending the South African apartheid strife
On December 5, 2013, this giant passed away
The things that we can learn from him are a lot more than I can say