You WANTED me
But you didn’t seem to want ME.
You probably don’t understand what I mean,
But thats ok
Thats ok because its just another thing that I have to explain to you
Just like all the times before,
When I had to explain to you what “no” meant
When I had to explain it, over and over again
Because you just didn’t like that response
You just kept begging and begging
Until every now and then I gave in
Something I will always truly regret
And I still can’t believe that I was so naive
“Come on, please? Just this one time?”
And I was so stupid
“Ok fine. Just this time.”
Until one time became another
And then another
And another
Is this how you treated them?
How you treated the others?
Or was it just “my luck”?
I accepted the “love” that I thought I deserved
And my whole family loved you, or at least who they thought you were
My sisters really liked you, my Dad trusted you to take me out on dates, no matter how late
And you were so so loved, by me and my mother
They always told me “we will NEVER let any guys stay the night”
But with you it was different.
They said “oh yea thats fine”
They let you use the family blanket while you slept on the couch.
I mean of course we had to leave my bedroom door open,
A very valid rule
But that didn’t stop you,
“We won’t get caught. Come onnn”
I said no
Every. Single. Time.
But then you’d get upset and i’d feel bad.
I never liked it whenever you’d get mad.
You were SO good at playing the victim.
It was impressive, really.
But we both know that your excuses were lies
I mean come on, really?
But I loved you.
Even though you yelled at me
But I loved you.
Even though you tried to get your way when I was “asleep”
But I loved you.
Even though you would put the green before me.
But I loved you.
Even though you were a different person when you weren’t sober.
But I still loved you.
Even though you were the reason that I felt the need to relapse.
I really loved you.
I never told my parents anything.
Until I had to.
When they found me barely breathing sitting on the floor.
I prayed that you would change.
I’m pretty sure that even God got tired of hearing your name.
I prayed and I begged for him to forgive you for your mistakes.
But what a shame,
You became so selfish.
I didn’t even recognize you.
But guess what.
I really loved you.