i didnt want to experience
death.
but the pain of living
seemed worse

The Therapist told me, i wouldnt
make it past my 18th...
i wanted to prove her wrong.
tomorrows my 17th...
but i dont even know if id make it
past that!
maybe she was right. people like
her are always right.

you know the saying,
you have to crawl before you can walk?
is that the same with
you have to cry before you can scream?

the way you look at me
the way you hold me
kiss me
touch me
you give me goosebumps
the feelings never fade
but people change
but here i am still
wishing you were next to me

Conor Blatchford
17 hours ago


Maddii... where you at? <3 if you want me to explain what there is to love about yourself, here I go:
1: You are a mother-******* poet. That's cool. Making words rhyme is hard for a lot of people. Expressing emotion in those words is even harder
2: Caring. You keep talking to me, that's casual caring. You ask me how I am, that's caring. You are willing to listen to me, metaphorically listen to me because this is typed, so... and that's true caring right there
3: Friendship. You are one of a select few that consistently makes me smile. Also, you listen to me ***** about my life
4: Loyalty. You're still here, right...? <3
5: Humour. Ties in with friendship. You not only make me smile, but also laugh. I laughed in class once. Especially just earlier, when I read what you did to that kids' nose. I imagined the pause between him laughing and having his nose broken, it was so comical I laughed out loud. Everyone thought I was insane.
6: Inspiration. Some of my poems wouldn't have even been written were it not for you
7: "Sneaky". Manipulating me into giving you ideas. Why? Because I love you (reference to earlier conversation) <3
8: You are one of the few reasons I take pleasure in waking up each day. I have people constantly saying **** about me, knowing I have a short fuse and taking advantage of it, but not you. Also, I look forward to talking to you. First thing I do when I open my laptop is send you a message

I would keep going, but this is long enough. Oh, and I feel guilty. I'm not sure I said happy birthday on your 17th. But Happy Late Birthday from me. Once again, I apologise, I felt/feel so bad

Love you Maddii. Stay safe. <3

my wrists feeling tight and also ripped apart
they've been strapped down,
my legs hurt
they've been amputated at the knee,
I try to scream
but my lips have been sewn shut,
what did I do to end up like this?
tortured.
in pain and all alone..

i thought you were ugly.
then i met Society

i found the devil
i found him in a lover

i know its been a while
since ive been here
crying
sooking
pouring my heart out
to a bunch or strangers

i know most of us will never
meet
and some days that
tears me apart

but just a casual update
i am fine
and by fine i mean
fine like i dont know
anymore

but im still here
and wont be going anywhere
anytime soon

thats a promise!

What it i was the perfect girl,
the one with the straight blonde
hair and the perfect smile,
the skinny hourglass figure,
pretty face, perfect skin.

what if?
would you love
me if i looked like
her!

what i need, in you



a heart

what is love. the true feeling, meaning of love? why do we feel it? when do we really know that we are in love.
why does it hurt, why does it end,when does it start. why does it happen?
how do we know? does it only ever happen once, how do we know who is the one?
define love, define the feeling, define the struggle. who feels it?
does everyone fall in love? do we all get our heart broken, when do we know to end it.
why do we only fall for certain people. what if they dont make us happy, why do we pursue a relationship with then, why do we only want them, need the, think about them.
why do we only think we need them to make us happy. why?

when the lights go out. its just me and you.

lips locked together
hands exploring bodies

moans
gasps
screams

your everything that for fills my addiction
my craving
your my cure.

your my daily dosage of ***, love and drugs in one

bite marks, scratch marks, hickeys and bruises...

just the taste of your skin in my teeth
your body on mine
our hands intertwined

saliva wasn't the only thing getting swapped that night
and its driving me.....

WiLd

“wrong number” came from a familiar voice,
On the other end of the phone before,
Hanging up.

“wrong number” the voice being very familiar,
It rings over and over in my head,
Who could it be.?

“wrong number”
“wrong number”
“wrong number”

…..

I called her the other day, I pretended it was the wrong number
I just wanted to hear her voice one last time,
I needed to hear her voice.
“hello?” her voice still
Clear in my mind,
The last persons voice I wanted to hear,
Before my car was wrapped around a tree.

You left
More then
Bite
Marks on
My skin.

you take my breath away
now i question
whether you are taking
it away to suffocate
me or for fun.
you leave marks on my
skin, that i thought
meant you loved me
but they are becoming
regular, bruises, scratches
bite marks.
now im lying here
semi conscious and fully
exposed thinking to
myself was this really
love or was this torture?

i ...

f  
  e
l
    l

and you didnt care.

i ...

   c
r
i
     e
   d

and you didnt help me.

i ...

j
u
   m
p
        e
d

then you cared.

you know the things
you say,
like your beautiful
worth it
amazing.
yeh them things,
you realize ill never
believe them.

you pushed me
and i fell.

i got back up,
just to fall again.

so i stopped..
stopped trying

stopped trying to get up.
cause i was scared to get
pushed down again...

as i rot in my skin
thinking i wasnt good
enough...

you are sitting there
wishing for once
you never let me
go...

i dont know the first
time i actually felt
beautiful
when you were around...

but that soon ended
when you decided
to have a taste
of her lips...

thinking i didnt know
but i saw
i saw everything...

now im sitting here
i living corpse
waiting for the pain
to come to an end...

but your sitting there
wishing that i was
still in your arms making
me feel beautiful
one last time...

but you
were the one that
left...