Don’t hold my hand
Don’t grab my waist
Don’t breathe on my neck.
Don’t try be cute
Don’t tell me you love me
Don’t buy me presents
Don’t you dare be affectionate
With her taste still fresh on your lips.

i could imagine waking up to you
in the morning
with you in my kitchen
in my t shirt
your perfectly shaped
body silhouetted in
the shadows of the
sunlight beaming through
the windows.


i could imagine waking up to you
every morning
your deep morning voice
as you softly speak
getting up with
your t shirt on
as i make my way out the
bedroom
you looking at my silhouetted
body in your t shirt
this is only a dream
come true

My life was meant
to end.
With you and i
Not you and her.

I screamed
I cried
I cut

no one seemed to care

I bleed
and bleed
and ran out of breath

now im news on everyones
lips.

Im stuck in
one big mess called life,
and i dont know
how to escape it!

im not dying, im just
fading... fading into
the background
soon enough to be
forgotten.

The thought
the thought of you dragging
a blade across your
wrist
it kills me.
The thought
the thought of you
taking your last breath
tears me apart.

you are too young and
beautiful to leave this world
you are too loved
to even think to leave

you remind me of the song
by lana del ray
the one that goes..
"will you still love me when
im no longer young and beautiful?"
yes yes i will

you tell me i am your big sister and
you look up to me
and not to cry because i am
too beauttiful,
now its my turn.

you are beautiful
you are loved. so please
wipe the tear off you
cheek, put the blade
down and come here
i love you
just remember the promises
we made eachother
that one day
we will be able to hold eachother
in our arms and
i can tell you how much
i love you.

because words dont
describe it enough, words cant
express the feelings
going through my body
i love you. x

it was exciting
it was memorable
it was hot

you were here
in my bed
naked

bodys pressed against each other
hands intertwined
lips locked to your neck

the feeling
the urge
the moment

i was waiting.. wanting.. needing
but it was all in my head!
****

Im nothing
im ugly
im worthless
im stupid
im horrid
im a burden

so why ?
why bother with me
why try with me
why tell me you love me?

cause i know everything you say is
a lie.
a ******* lie.

I don't know,
don't know how much
longer I can fight
fight the urge
to stay

but what if I cant
and I give in
listen to the voices
telling me to go
leave, die.

I think the times
coming
when im not strong
enough to keep
fighting
the will
the urge of death
beckons me

and I think,
that I just might
give in.

is it really that easy?
to turn around and say goodbye,
like you did..
what did i do to deserve this?
im ******* sorry,
i am ******* SORRY
so i guess this is
goodbye...
not just for today
but forever.
Goodbye!

What made you attracted to me?
was it my smile, body, looks?
Or was it the fact that im the
type of girl, mummy and
daddy always warned you of?

Whatever it was baby, trust me
don’t get too close cause  I can’t
promise you that you won’t
get hurt

But it will be fun
whilst it lasts

Go on
pop another pill
cut yourself again
see if i care

go on
tie that rope
place it around your neck
and jump
see if i care

go on
write that suicide note
tell everyone your problems
say your a mistake
see if i care


....but
what if i do?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!! i made it..

His heart beat was
all i cared about.

but then one day
it stopped.

sunshine
butterflies
and happy smiles
havent been
incuded in my
life

instead its been
late nights
red eyes and
blood stained wrists

but the time has
come where
i need to change
not myself
but my perspective

i have to agree
i am pretty
i am skinny
i am funny
you do love me

lets block the
negativity out
and focus on
me the happy me
the one with the
genuine smile

here we go.

The treatment they prescribed didn’t work and she was constantly in pain,
she couldn’t sleep and hardly ever ate;
it looked like her health was deteriorating right in front of our eyes.
She was a shadow of her former self

i feel empty,
i feel lost,
i dont feel safe...

in my own skin!

im sitting here
headphones in
music blasting
trying not to cry

you messaged
me today
telling me you
were sorry

and all i could
say was
goodbye

i cant sit here
everyday plast
a fake smile
on my face
and say everything
is okay

i cant do it any
longer i
need a release
i need to go
leave

it wont just
make me happy
but everyone
else too

not havening
to worry
about me
my pathetic
excuse of a
life ended

and everyone relieved

i dont know if its the medication making me feel this way
or your lack of interest.
i dont know if its the blood that cures my cravings
or the way its just flows

are you the pill i take of a morning?
the pill in the afternoon or the evening?
are you the blade dancing across my skin
letting my true colors flow free?

i know what you can be..
you can be the rope that slips delicately
around my neck
you can be the one who kicks my chair


but you know it you will always be my last thought.

If I were to run, where would I go?
Who would I see?

Would I be safe and sound?
Or in danger risking my life?

Would I still be me?
Or would I create a new identity?

Would I still love you?
Or would you not exist?

Would I still have these scars?
Or would fresh ones appear?

Who would I be?
Where would I go?

It all started with yelling and screaming, some nasty comments here and there it’s my entire fault, I’m not the perfect child you asked for and trust me i know i never will be. I’m sorry I’ve made mistakes and I’m a massive **** up…..

I can't change who I am. I can try to do better and lord knows I've tried. I've bent to my knees, watched as my knees bruise praying that I could be the perfect child that my parents envisioned for me, but god must have been playing games. It started as banter then it was bicker, as slaps and punches were exchanged, I couldn't help but ask what the point of my creation was?

If I was here for a reason it better be a good one because i don’t know how much longer i can stay in this household and ratchet excuse I’m meant to call my life I’m only at the age of 17 years old and have been told i have so much more to live for but that must be all a joke on my behalf if I’m a failure at everything i seem to do.....

I look to the sky and tell myself it'll be alright, right as I do, a ******* storm comes along, and as the rain drops on my face I can't help but feel as though I was made to cry. I was made to be weak. I was made to be a stain of mascara sludge.

But then i realized if it weren’t to rain I’d still be in this situation I’d still be the one crying, i swear im made for internal misery.. Some are just born with tragedy in their blood i mist be one of them, but all i can do is ******* hope as i lay on the road with the rain falling all around me…..

i get it!
shes pretty, and wears makeup
but i show my imperfections

i get it!
shes skinny
and i have to **** it in

i get it!
she has ***** and a ****
just cause i dont wear push up
and do squats of a night

i get it!
blonde ***** is your type
but im actually kinda smart

i get it!
she has perfect skin
and i have scars covering my
body

i get it!
you prefer her over me
but you will see one day
beauty is only skin deep

i get it!

I guess im pretty
I guess im skinny
I guess im loved.

I guess im not stupid
I guess im not dumb
I guess im not an idiot

I guess I should live
I guess I should stay here
I guess I should grow up

I guess I am worth it
I guess I should be happy
I guess I should love myself

I guess
I guess
I guess

i must confess,
your name was on the blade
before it was
plunged deep into my chest
you know why?
i wanted them to all know you killed me

You made a mistake.
Dont try and deny it,
You got to close to me
You didnt listen
To me when i told you to
Stay away.
But you told me you
Couldn't
You didnt want to.
What was it that made you
Attracted to me?
My hourglass figure
Straight blonde hair
Pouted lips,
I begged you to stay
Away but you
Didnt
And now i hurt you
Im not sorry,
You should of listened to me
When i said
Dont come too close,
Im a dangerous mess
But my kiss is the thing
That ruins you.