what i need, in you



a heart

the ones that are "always there
for you"
the ones that would "die
without you"

well where the **** are
they when you kick the
chair beneath
your feet?

kiss me on the mouth..
hold me tight..
kiss my neck..
grab my waist..
but please dont bite..

read my lips.

i
never
really
loved
you

ive missed you,
like not just a little bit
but a lot.
actually heaps!

ive missed your face
your voice
touch
your feel

ive missed everything
about you,
and i want it back
i want you back

I WANT US BACK

you pushed me
and i fell.

i got back up,
just to fall again.

so i stopped..
stopped trying

stopped trying to get up.
cause i was scared to get
pushed down again...

it was exciting
it was memorable
it was hot

you were here
in my bed
naked

bodys pressed against each other
hands intertwined
lips locked to your neck

the feeling
the urge
the moment

i was waiting.. wanting.. needing
but it was all in my head!
****

the snide sound of laughter in the back of my mind
the cackling sound at the start of every comment
the giggle as i close my eyes
the laugh that breaks me down

when will it be too late
to save myslef
to rid the pain
to hide

bit it is too late
i lost myslef a long time ago
making more pain
because i didnt hide

it was the snide laughter
the cackle
the giggle
but mostly the laugh ......

if you love me prove it.
dont ask me how,
ill leave that up to you.
dance
sing
write
i dont know.

oh right i forgot im not her
you dont love me
you never have
you never will
and i guess ill have to be ok
with that.
so dont bother
singing
or dancing
or writing

i wont hold my breath because
i know the day
the day ive dreamed of for
so so long will
never come.

As you fall, not knowing the
outcome
hearing his voice one last time and the
words..

I still loved her.

You made a mistake.
Dont try and deny it,
You got to close to me
You didnt listen
To me when i told you to
Stay away.
But you told me you
Couldn't
You didnt want to.
What was it that made you
Attracted to me?
My hourglass figure
Straight blonde hair
Pouted lips,
I begged you to stay
Away but you
Didnt
And now i hurt you
Im not sorry,
You should of listened to me
When i said
Dont come too close,
Im a dangerous mess
But my kiss is the thing
That ruins you.

remember when you said you loved me?
when you held me tight?
kissed my forehead?
and said i was the one?

do you remember all the times
we spent running away?
hiding from the police?
making life worth living?

what has changed?
you kissed her?
you told her you loved her?
i saw you holding her?

but you came home and acted like nothing
happened?
why?
what did i do?
where did i go wrong?

now your with her,
kissing her,
holding her,
running away with her.

whilst im standing here, ready to










JUMP......

the way you look at me
the way you hold me
kiss me
touch me
you give me goosebumps
the feelings never fade
but people change
but here i am still
wishing you were next to me

Punch me.. i dare you too
-said him
For a dare, i said. but i lied
i just.. craved, your skin on mine.

What made you attracted to me?
was it my smile, body, looks?
Or was it the fact that im the
type of girl, mummy and
daddy always warned you of?

Whatever it was baby, trust me
don’t get too close cause  I can’t
promise you that you won’t
get hurt

But it will be fun
whilst it lasts

You're my addiction
and unfortunately
theres no cure.

as i rot in my skin
thinking i wasnt good
enough...

you are sitting there
wishing for once
you never let me
go...

i dont know the first
time i actually felt
beautiful
when you were around...

but that soon ended
when you decided
to have a taste
of her lips...

thinking i didnt know
but i saw
i saw everything...

now im sitting here
i living corpse
waiting for the pain
to come to an end...

but your sitting there
wishing that i was
still in your arms making
me feel beautiful
one last time...

but you
were the one that
left...

i hope my Prince charming
my Romeo
my one true love
will visit me one day
even if im
not aware and one day sweep
me off my feet.

I don't know,
don't know how much
longer I can fight
fight the urge
to stay

but what if I cant
and I give in
listen to the voices
telling me to go
leave, die.

I think the times
coming
when im not strong
enough to keep
fighting
the will
the urge of death
beckons me

and I think,
that I just might
give in.

Dear Diary..
      
     i cant take it much longer
its getting harder to hide what ive done
       all thats left is to hide the body.

Beating me until I was black and blue,
Struggling for air,
And drifting in and out of consciousness.

My killer picking up the phone calling
000, and telling the operator to come
“Collect the body, I’ve killed her.”
Before hanging up and leaving me.

Leaving me for dead, as I take my last breath.

It all started with yelling and screaming, some nasty comments here and there it’s my entire fault, I’m not the perfect child you asked for and trust me i know i never will be. I’m sorry I’ve made mistakes and I’m a massive **** up…..

I can't change who I am. I can try to do better and lord knows I've tried. I've bent to my knees, watched as my knees bruise praying that I could be the perfect child that my parents envisioned for me, but god must have been playing games. It started as banter then it was bicker, as slaps and punches were exchanged, I couldn't help but ask what the point of my creation was?

If I was here for a reason it better be a good one because i don’t know how much longer i can stay in this household and ratchet excuse I’m meant to call my life I’m only at the age of 17 years old and have been told i have so much more to live for but that must be all a joke on my behalf if I’m a failure at everything i seem to do.....

I look to the sky and tell myself it'll be alright, right as I do, a ******* storm comes along, and as the rain drops on my face I can't help but feel as though I was made to cry. I was made to be weak. I was made to be a stain of mascara sludge.

But then i realized if it weren’t to rain I’d still be in this situation I’d still be the one crying, i swear im made for internal misery.. Some are just born with tragedy in their blood i mist be one of them, but all i can do is ******* hope as i lay on the road with the rain falling all around me…..

i dont know if its the medication making me feel this way
or your lack of interest.
i dont know if its the blood that cures my cravings
or the way its just flows

are you the pill i take of a morning?
the pill in the afternoon or the evening?
are you the blade dancing across my skin
letting my true colors flow free?

i know what you can be..
you can be the rope that slips delicately
around my neck
you can be the one who kicks my chair


but you know it you will always be my last thought.

you know the things
you say,
like your beautiful
worth it
amazing.
yeh them things,
you realize ill never
believe them.

is this how you
want it to be?
yes...
then pull the
******* trigger.

im not dying, im just
fading... fading into
the background
soon enough to be
forgotten.

i mean, i guess..
if you were a pill
id overdose!

Go on
pop another pill
cut yourself again
see if i care

go on
tie that rope
place it around your neck
and jump
see if i care

go on
write that suicide note
tell everyone your problems
say your a mistake
see if i care


....but
what if i do?