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295 · Jun 2016
You Never Came.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
You never came to see me..
why...?

why didn't you come?
please tell me.

its... its because.
i don't love you anymore
295 · Apr 2016
"Wrong Number"
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
“wrong number” came from a familiar voice,
On the other end of the phone before,
Hanging up.

“wrong number” the voice being very familiar,
It rings over and over in my head,
Who could it be.?

“wrong number”
“wrong number”
“wrong number”

…..

I called her the other day, I pretended it was the wrong number
I just wanted to hear her voice one last time,
I needed to hear her voice.
“hello?” her voice still
Clear in my mind,
The last persons voice I wanted to hear,
Before my car was wrapped around a tree.
294 · Apr 2016
Kiss me
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
kiss me on the mouth..
hold me tight..
kiss my neck..
grab my waist..
but please dont bite..
291 · Jun 2016
LAst moMentS
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
I love you.
He hit send. Then a tree
290 · May 2016
Enter
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
Enter,
suicidal thoughts.
blood stained wrists.
and pain.

Enter,
running makeup.
blades lined up.
never ending pain.

Enter,
suicide note.
pills, blades.
and the end of my life.
288 · Jun 2016
Lies.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
tell me one more lie?


               i love you.
286 · Apr 2016
call 000
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Beating me until I was black and blue,
Struggling for air,
And drifting in and out of consciousness.

My killer picking up the phone calling
000, and telling the operator to come
“Collect the body, I’ve killed her.”
Before hanging up and leaving me.

Leaving me for dead, as I take my last breath.
286 · Apr 2016
Mother
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
I don't want to be a mother and have my children running their small petite hands over my scars and reminding me of the past, running their hands over them and asking what happened, running their hands over them and going mummy ouchies it will break my heart.....
284 · Jun 2016
Last words.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
As you fall, not knowing the
outcome
hearing his voice one last time and the
words..

I still loved her.
284 · Jun 2016
Enough.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
you were the one
killing me.
but i never seemed
to get enough.
283 · Jun 2016
why?
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
why
why me?
whats your deal?
do you want to destroy me?
well dont worry
ive done that
all by
myself
283 · May 2016
The Rope
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
I miss the feel
of the rough
course
white rope necklace
being threaded over
my neck once
more
282 · Jun 2016
Read.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
read my lips.

i
never
really
loved
you
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
as i released my grip noticing he isn't moving, struggling, breathing anymore!
i step back to see what ive done ... shes gone forever, she just a memory that id soon enough forget
will anyone even notice shes gone? probably not! shes been trying to take her own life for years
and ive done it for her in a few seconds
cause i cant keep my hands to myself
taking a life is probably the most exhilarating thing imaginably possible
and ill let you know something i dont regret it, she wasn't my first and defiantly wont be my last!
279 · May 2016
Enough
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
im never enough
i try
my hardest to
please you.

but nothing i
ever seem to do
is good enough
for you.

so i sit here
crying and screaming
tearing at my
skin watching
the blood flow
out.

im sorry maybe i
should try harder.
279 · Jun 2016
Morning
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
early in the
mornings when i
think about you.

i hope you
like what your
seeing.
278 · Jun 2016
Punch me.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
Punch me.. i dare you too
-said him
For a dare, i said. but i lied
i just.. craved, your skin on mine.
278 · May 2016
What.. i need in.. you!
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
what i need, in you



a heart
277 · May 2016
You pushed me..
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
you pushed me
and i fell.

i got back up,
just to fall again.

so i stopped..
stopped trying

stopped trying to get up.
cause i was scared to get
pushed down again...
277 · May 2016
They tell us!
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
They tell us to we can
"be whatever we want to be"
but as we grow they change
our minds, make us question
"barbie" nope.
"princess" no.
"dead" now why would you say that
they get in our heads and
change our minds untill
we cant stand it anymore.

what i want to be right now
is gone... dead... hanging from
a white rope necklace... 6ft under
and dont try stop me.
275 · May 2016
Ive missed you
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
ive missed you,
like not just a little bit
but a lot.
actually heaps!

ive missed your face
your voice
touch
your feel

ive missed everything
about you,
and i want it back
i want you back

I WANT US BACK
273 · May 2016
Remember.....
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
remember when you said you loved me?
when you held me tight?
kissed my forehead?
and said i was the one?

do you remember all the times
we spent running away?
hiding from the police?
making life worth living?

what has changed?
you kissed her?
you told her you loved her?
i saw you holding her?

but you came home and acted like nothing
happened?
why?
what did i do?
where did i go wrong?

now your with her,
kissing her,
holding her,
running away with her.

whilst im standing here, ready to










JUMP......
271 · Jun 2016
Smile :)
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
i didnt mean to **** her
but when i did
i looked her in her eyes
she looked so sad
so i decided to give her
a smile that will
last forever.
271 · Apr 2016
Fuck.
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
it was exciting
it was memorable
it was hot

you were here
in my bed
naked

bodys pressed against each other
hands intertwined
lips locked to your neck

the feeling
the urge
the moment

i was waiting.. wanting.. needing
but it was all in my head!
****
268 · Apr 2016
"A Shallow Grave"
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Yeah I killed her, but it was an “accident”
I hid her body in a shallow grave,
West of my joint at an old wood mill.
Among the dirt and all the other **** that was there, I didn’t mean to **** her,
That was an accident, we were fighting,
I grabbed her hair and she fell, Hitting her head on the coffee table,
I couldn’t keep her body in my apartment, she will start to smell,
People will get suspicious, what am I meant to say?
Yeh man I killed her she’s casually decaying in my apartment,
I skip town, for a week which turns in to a month then a year,
Until one day I hear a suspicious news report,
They found her. Her body. In the shallow grave.
Finally!... Now I guess the game begins.
Let’s play until it’s over...
266 · Apr 2016
BLood...
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Blood dripping from my nose, looking at myself in the mirror looking at what you had done to me ... All from one little statement ! You are breaking me not only physically
But mentally an emotionally, I can't take it much longer ! I need to take away the pain of it all ! Why don't you drag the blade across my
Wrist too .... You started the pain you may aswell end it, cause you seem
To get a rush from it all
265 · May 2016
Chapter 7.
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
Dear Diary..
      
     i cant take it much longer
its getting harder to hide what ive done
       all thats left is to hide the body.
262 · Jun 2016
Give in
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
I don't know,
don't know how much
longer I can fight
fight the urge
to stay

but what if I cant
and I give in
listen to the voices
telling me to go
leave, die.

I think the times
coming
when im not strong
enough to keep
fighting
the will
the urge of death
beckons me

and I think,
that I just might
give in.
260 · May 2016
The way..
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
the way you look at me
the way you hold me
kiss me
touch me
you give me goosebumps
the feelings never fade
but people change
but here i am still
wishing you were next to me
259 · May 2016
Maybe...
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
Maybe its not your
skin i can feel against mine..
Maybe its not your
lips pressed on mine..
Maybe its not your
hands wandering my body..

But i wish it was..
258 · May 2016
Your Insecurities
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
your insecutities are
ruining you.
making you ruin
your life.
cutting your skin
beating, bashing and
bruising.
crying, tearing and
screaming.
hide and run, far
away.
where you wont be found,
maybe then your
insecurities
wont ruin you.
258 · Jun 2016
Here to stay.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
i gave you the choice,
you either let me jump
or you push me.
you kick the chair
or i fall.
you pull the ******* trigger
or i do.
you drag the blade across my wrist
or i do.

i gave you the choice
so many times,
why didn't you cease the
opportunity to ruin my life
again whilst i was
handing  it to you.

if you don't want me to leave
don't go letting me jump
pushing the chair beneath my feet
pulling the trigger
or grasping the blade to my wrist

because I've tried,
and I've failed...
**** i wish i didn't but
baby im here to stay.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
as i rot in my skin
thinking i wasnt good
enough...

you are sitting there
wishing for once
you never let me
go...

i dont know the first
time i actually felt
beautiful
when you were around...

but that soon ended
when you decided
to have a taste
of her lips...

thinking i didnt know
but i saw
i saw everything...

now im sitting here
i living corpse
waiting for the pain
to come to an end...

but your sitting there
wishing that i was
still in your arms making
me feel beautiful
one last time...

but you
were the one that
left...
256 · Jun 2016
I hurt you.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
You made a mistake.
Dont try and deny it,
You got to close to me
You didnt listen
To me when i told you to
Stay away.
But you told me you
Couldn't
You didnt want to.
What was it that made you
Attracted to me?
My hourglass figure
Straight blonde hair
Pouted lips,
I begged you to stay
Away but you
Didnt
And now i hurt you
Im not sorry,
You should of listened to me
When i said
Dont come too close,
Im a dangerous mess
But my kiss is the thing
That ruins you.
256 · Jun 2016
Hope.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
i hope she loves you
in ways
i never seemed
to...
i just want you to
be happy!!
256 · Jun 2016
you know..
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
you know the things
you say,
like your beautiful
worth it
amazing.
yeh them things,
you realize ill never
believe them.
254 · Jun 2016
Is it?
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
is this how you
want it to be?
yes...
then pull the
******* trigger.
254 · Jun 2016
Love
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
i hope my Prince charming
my Romeo
my one true love
will visit me one day
even if im
not aware and one day sweep
me off my feet.
252 · Apr 2016
rUNawAy!
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Runaway with me,
we can do things we have only dreamed about.
dance in the rain, under the bridge
skinny dip in the middle of the night
make love under the stars, on the oval
lets run away
hide from our lives
make new identities
forget who we are
get drunk and pass out on our bed
come with me
lets have the times of our lives
lets ..
RuNAway...
250 · Jun 2016
Safe.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
The only place
i want my lips to be
are with yours
its the only place
they feel safe

the only place
i want my hands to be
are intertwined
with yours
its the only place
they feel safe

the only place
i want my heart to be
is with yours
its the only place
it will feel safe

the only person i love
is you
and your the only
person that makes
me feel safe.
250 · May 2016
Dreams...
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
remove the blade
throw it away
lay with me
take my makeup off
and hold me tight
in my baggy T
tell me your secrets
everything will be okay
baby i love you
is all i have to say
249 · Jun 2016
Life
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
i swear



     when i looked



          into his eyes



               i saw my life end.
248 · Apr 2016
I have a Question?
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
you whooed me with your charms
perswayed me with your words
complimented me
just to getbetween my thighs

you bought me the world
spoilt me rotten
expressed yourself
to get your desire

what was i to you
your *** doll?
a ***** little ****?
your fun?

tell me honestly
did you mean it when you told me
"you loved me"
"i was the one"
"ill be yours forever"
248 · Apr 2016
craVInG
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
sweat dripping off your body
as does mine.

biting you lip as you throw your head back..

neck kisses as my hand traces your body,
making you cringe

your lips against mine
one hand in your hand, the other
exploring your body!

skin in my teeth
body on mine

to for fill the craving, the addiction
you are my cure, my fix..
and im left forever wanting more!
246 · Apr 2016
Will you?
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
cure? craving? addiction?
its getting stronger..
the craving needs its cure
its hot and sweet but
***** and rough.
its quiet and soft
as well as loud and hard.
i need my cure
are you my cure?
will you be my cure?
245 · Jun 2016
Ending.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
My life was meant
to end.
With you and i
Not you and her.
244 · Jun 2016
Good girl?
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
What made you attracted to me?
was it my smile, body, looks?
Or was it the fact that im the
type of girl, mummy and
daddy always warned you of?

Whatever it was baby, trust me
don’t get too close cause  I can’t
promise you that you won’t
get hurt

But it will be fun
whilst it lasts
243 · Apr 2016
I Dont Know
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
i dont know if its the medication making me feel this way
or your lack of interest.
i dont know if its the blood that cures my cravings
or the way its just flows

are you the pill i take of a morning?
the pill in the afternoon or the evening?
are you the blade dancing across my skin
letting my true colors flow free?

i know what you can be..
you can be the rope that slips delicately
around my neck
you can be the one who kicks my chair


but you know it you will always be my last thought.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
It all started with yelling and screaming, some nasty comments here and there it’s my entire fault, I’m not the perfect child you asked for and trust me i know i never will be. I’m sorry I’ve made mistakes and I’m a massive **** up…..

I can't change who I am. I can try to do better and lord knows I've tried. I've bent to my knees, watched as my knees bruise praying that I could be the perfect child that my parents envisioned for me, but god must have been playing games. It started as banter then it was bicker, as slaps and punches were exchanged, I couldn't help but ask what the point of my creation was?

If I was here for a reason it better be a good one because i don’t know how much longer i can stay in this household and ratchet excuse I’m meant to call my life I’m only at the age of 17 years old and have been told i have so much more to live for but that must be all a joke on my behalf if I’m a failure at everything i seem to do.....

I look to the sky and tell myself it'll be alright, right as I do, a ******* storm comes along, and as the rain drops on my face I can't help but feel as though I was made to cry. I was made to be weak. I was made to be a stain of mascara sludge.

But then i realized if it weren’t to rain I’d still be in this situation I’d still be the one crying, i swear im made for internal misery.. Some are just born with tragedy in their blood i mist be one of them, but all i can do is ******* hope as i lay on the road with the rain falling all around me…..
Collaboration w/ Star Gazer.
242 · Jun 2016
Pain.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
you ripped my hair out
you tore at my skin
you left bite marks upon my skin

you left me in pain
in a pool of my own blood
with the reminders

i loved you
i craved you
i trusted you

but you turned your back
and left me for dead.
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