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209 · Jun 2016
Ending.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
My life was meant
to end.
With you and i
Not you and her.
208 · Apr 2016
craVInG
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
sweat dripping off your body
as does mine.

biting you lip as you throw your head back..

neck kisses as my hand traces your body,
making you cringe

your lips against mine
one hand in your hand, the other
exploring your body!

skin in my teeth
body on mine

to for fill the craving, the addiction
you are my cure, my fix..
and im left forever wanting more!
208 · Jun 2016
Feelings fade.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
Across my thighs
The scars are
Healing.
The new pink
Scars covering
Where i once
Carved your name
Into my leg.
Watching it fade
As my feelings
For you do too
208 · Jun 2016
Voices
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
The voices in me head
are getting louder
with ever word i speak
they are telling me
not to get to close because
they dont want
me to get hurt again
they are leaving
the pain entirely up to me.
207 · Jun 2016
Safe.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
The only place
i want my lips to be
are with yours
its the only place
they feel safe

the only place
i want my hands to be
are intertwined
with yours
its the only place
they feel safe

the only place
i want my heart to be
is with yours
its the only place
it will feel safe

the only person i love
is you
and your the only
person that makes
me feel safe.
205 · Apr 2016
"A Shallow Grave"
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Yeah I killed her, but it was an “accident”
I hid her body in a shallow grave,
West of my joint at an old wood mill.
Among the dirt and all the other **** that was there, I didn’t mean to **** her,
That was an accident, we were fighting,
I grabbed her hair and she fell, Hitting her head on the coffee table,
I couldn’t keep her body in my apartment, she will start to smell,
People will get suspicious, what am I meant to say?
Yeh man I killed her she’s casually decaying in my apartment,
I skip town, for a week which turns in to a month then a year,
Until one day I hear a suspicious news report,
They found her. Her body. In the shallow grave.
Finally!... Now I guess the game begins.
Let’s play until it’s over...
205 · Jun 2016
Tragedy.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
Some are just born with
tragedy in their blood
i must be one of them..
204 · Jun 2016
Perfect.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
Do i look like someone who cares?
cares what you think?
about the way i look?
the way i act?
the way i portray myself?

of course i ******* do
you judge me by the way
i walk
the way i talk
the way my hair falls upon
my shoulder

i know im not ******* perfect
but who is seriously?
amuse me with your lies
who in this ******* pathetic
place we call our home
is perfect because news
flash is you arent perfect either
no matter how hard you try or how much
you put me down neither
one of us are perfect.
204 · May 2016
Human
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
im only human,
i make mistakes,
i cry,
i bleed,
i cause pain to myself and
others.
204 · Jun 2016
Pathetic?
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
Honey what is your problem?
is it all fun and games to you?

you come here and run and run and run your mouth...
you don't know where its getting you...

pathetic words that come from your mouth
watch yourself darling just warning you now

"stupid ***** " you call me
honey ill give you a reason and live upto that name

so shut your  ******* pathetic mouth there love
cause your running out of rumours fast....
204 · Jun 2016
If i leave.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
if i leave,
i promise you
babe i will
see you soon!
204 · Jun 2016
Lies
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
the only thing i
miss about you are
your lies.
203 · Apr 2016
BLood...
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Blood dripping from my nose, looking at myself in the mirror looking at what you had done to me ... All from one little statement ! You are breaking me not only physically
But mentally an emotionally, I can't take it much longer ! I need to take away the pain of it all ! Why don't you drag the blade across my
Wrist too .... You started the pain you may aswell end it, cause you seem
To get a rush from it all
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
As he held her hand for the last time, whispering to Her trust me ! As they jumped both jumped Into the murky water beneath them, not knowing one of them will never resurface !
202 · May 2016
No..!
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
"No" he says
"its a 2 letter word it doesn't mean
anything " she says
"i love you" he says
"you dont mean it" she says
as she hangs up the phone and




jumps......
201 · May 2016
My hEarT
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
your the reason
my heart is beating,
without you im nothing
im gone, im a lifeless body
that everyone once new..
but no one cares im
gone untill its
too late..
201 · Jun 2016
The pain.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
i didnt want to experience
death.
but the pain of living
seemed worse
199 · May 2016
"sorry"
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
It’s not easy to say
it’s easier just to show you.
Rolling up her sleeves showing her blood
stained wrists.
And there’s more. She slowly looks down
avoiding the disappointed looks that are
slowly forming on everyone’s faces.
Snickering forms over the next few days
and its starting to get too much.
Day after day
she comes with more Band-Aids
more bangles
and longer sleeves
Comment after comment
cut after cut
It’s harder to hide, harder to cope. Slowly
killing her everyday she’s spending
more time hiding in her room trying to
find a reason not to relapse the she is
going to school and spending time with
“friends”
It’s not easy to show you
it’s easier to just do it.
She finally takes her breath, drifting in and out
of consciousness from the loss of blood and
the bottle of pills with the last words “sorry”
199 · Apr 2016
Hello?
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Hello, hello anyone there?
“Go away…”
hello who’s there?
“You’re not safe in here…”
hello please respond?
“Save yourself before is too late…”
hello, someone please?
“They are too loud…”
hello, I can’t hold on much longer someone respond?
“I told you to go away, you didn’t listen they are here it’s too late…”

Hello 911 …. I need an ambulance; a young girl has just committed suicide.
197 · May 2016
Your the reason!
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
popping pills,
and dragging blades across
my wrist,
tying rope over and over,
re writing my suicide
note.

why you are sitting there
oblivious to the pain you put me
through.
197 · Jun 2016
Goodbye
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
is it really that easy?
to turn around and say goodbye,
like you did..
what did i do to deserve this?
im ******* sorry,
i am ******* SORRY
so i guess this is
goodbye...
not just for today
but forever.
Goodbye!
195 · May 2016
the pain
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
I've been struggling with this same pain for as long as i can remember.
being dragged in and out of hospitals getting told she will be okay.
that pain and fear dragged me into depression and suicidal thoughts, wanting to take my life became a huge part of my life.
self harming, cutting to see blood, feel blood, taste blood. the pain came a thrill.
depression and anxiety didnt help me much either, drowning me in my own thoughts. Telling me im not good enough and i should **** myself cause im not worth living on this earth. There are more people who need the air and space i take up.
now sitting here in the bath with blades and pills contemplating once again if im worth it and if i should take my life.
194 · Apr 2016
The Kids
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
I'm the girl your daddy said you were too good for
I'm the girl your mummy said will get no where in life
I'm the girl your sisters scared of ..

Your the boy daddy said not to date,
Mummy said Your the boy who will end up in jail
Big brother said your the boy not to trust

But now I'm your girl !
And your my boy
And we are the kids our parents warned us about
194 · Jun 2016
she loved you
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
she loved you
more then i ever could
take her
shes a better fit
trust me
im okay...
190 · Apr 2016
WiLd
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
when the lights go out. its just me and you.

lips locked together
hands exploring bodies

moans
gasps
screams

your everything that for fills my addiction
my craving
your my cure.

your my daily dosage of ***, love and drugs in one

bite marks, scratch marks, hickeys and bruises...

just the taste of your skin in my teeth
your body on mine
our hands intertwined

saliva wasn't the only thing getting swapped that night
and its driving me.....

WiLd
189 · May 2016
Ill see you soon
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
nowadays i want to see
you in my daydreams
when we were together
living the life we once
wished for before it
all happened and you
were taken from me
by him
his words
his torment
im sorry i couldn't
save you before it
was too late
now im laying here
wishing you were here
and not 6 feet under
cause last time i saw
you, you were hanging
from a white rope
necklace with your last
words not even once
mentioning me
but you will always
know i loved you and
now its too late to show
you and im sorry
but ill promise you
ill see you soon baby
187 · Jun 2016
Life.
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
Taking my life wasn't
always the plan.
but when the time was
right thats all i
thought.
186 · Jun 2016
The real world
Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016
i cant ******* do anything
not when your like this
i feel ******* useless
because im so far away
i just want to hold you
in my arms
and kiss your forehead
and promise you that
when you are with me
everything will be okay
the demons are gone
the blades are just a
long lost memory
the voices you once
heard have become
real people the
ones who love you
and care about you
because baby we are
living in the real
world now and i
promise you everything
will be okay
183 · Apr 2016
roUGh
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
rough me up
play fight
kick, scratch, bite

hold me down,
kiss my neck,
tease me more.

step by step
planning my next move
tackle you to the ground..

lips to neck,
hands intertwined,
I am yours ... and
you are mine!
182 · May 2016
Save me.
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
you looked at my arms exactly a year ago today,
and what you saw was the small freckle on
my right wrist.

you looked at my arms yesterday, there had
been a few changes, pink scars covering
my arms.

you looked at my arms tonight and saw
blood stained wrists, with cuts everywhere
you looked me in the eyes
with the im sorry look.

i looked back at you and said me too
and left.

taking my life i still see your face, "im sorry"
but there was more to it you do it too.

sorry we couldnt save eachother before it was
too late.
182 · Apr 2016
You ....
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
You ....
you left your mark on me,
on my skin.
not only with your hands,
but with your lips.
it wasn't always pleasant,
but it was pleasure.
I wanted it to stop,
but I kept coming back for more.
180 · May 2016
Questions ... Why?
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
If you could ask me
one question .....
what would it be?

why did you try **** yourself?
"you told me to be happy"

why do you hate yourself?
"its hard not to"

why dont you ask for help?
"i ******* try, no one seems to care"

why did you leave me?
... sorry this question couldn't
be answered ...
179 · May 2016
I loved you
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
i loved you.
but you ripped my *******
heart out,
when you came back
to me with her
taste still fresh on
your lips!
179 · May 2016
Chapter Two.
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
Torn between letting it in
or blocking it out again.
174 · May 2016
Untitled..
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
why do i feel sad,
sad about my scars fading?
is that why i want to
make more?
so the thrill never leaves?
they have come a part
of me!
that i never want to leave!
now i think thats why
im lying here in a pool of
my own blood...
173 · May 2016
sick...
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
Throwing up my guts,
Worst headache ever.
I got so dizzy that I passed out,
My head is spinning.
i don't know what to do,
i hold my breath and hope for the best.
this is going to be hell,
living, breathing hell.
the pain is hard,
the torment is strong.
im over being sick,
worst feeling ever.

but its okay baby, ill always be there
through thick or thin
you wont feel like this much longer
or when im around anyway.
172 · May 2016
i cant
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
im sitting here
headphones in
music blasting
trying not to cry

you messaged
me today
telling me you
were sorry

and all i could
say was
goodbye

i cant sit here
everyday plast
a fake smile
on my face
and say everything
is okay

i cant do it any
longer i
need a release
i need to go
leave

it wont just
make me happy
but everyone
else too

not havening
to worry
about me
my pathetic
excuse of a
life ended

and everyone relieved
171 · May 2016
You LEft mE
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
laying here, semi concious
and fully exposed.
blood, bruises, scratches!

you left me.
alone, in the cold dark
surroundings!

i dont know where
i went wrong,
with you.

you told me you loved me
i gave you everything,
i never said no.

but...
but...
but...

i dont care that you
didnt really love me,
i dont care that you
used me.

i care that you left me,
fully exposed and semi
concious.

You LEft mE
167 · May 2016
Okay? Okay?
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
i dont know what
to think of you anymore,
you are nice and
kind, sweet
and inncoent.

well to my face anyway!

but as soon as
we change our
directions and walk
away, you change
rude and disrespectful
ugly and hatred

what did i do?

but i try
and make things right
i smile and laugh
act happy when your
around, but knowing
what you really think
of me kills
me.

but im sorry, ill just leave '
your life this world
maybe then you
will be happy
okay?
okay?
164 · May 2016
Loved by you.
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
heart pounding
so loud,
unable to lift my
head,
give me love
like you give
to her,
its one thing i
ask of you,
i just want to feel
loved again,
loved by you.
164 · May 2016
Running
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
i was running

running to you

to be in your arms

once again....

then i realized

you arent here anymore

your gone

taken away
162 · May 2016
The dangerous Kiss x
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
the lies you
speak,
the words come
from your lips,
but the way
you kiss me
is so sweet,
leaving me
wanting more,
asking more needing
more,
forever wanting
more even
when you caused
me all
this pain,
lying, lying
about her
you come back to
me with her
taste still fresh
on your lips,
but your kiss
makes me forget
its a danger.
162 · May 2016
Love
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
i love you.. he said walking out the door.
i loved you.. he said walking out my life.
159 · May 2016
Living
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
living, means fighting the demons,
drowning without water,
taking your life whist still living.
157 · Apr 2016
S. E. X.
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Three letters, can cause an addiction ! An uproar, cure an craving ... S E X

Body to body contact ..

S E X

Skin to skin ...

S E X

Hickeys, bruises, bite marks, scratches ...

S E X

One word, one feeling, one taste always on your lips, and your forever wanting more ...

S E X

But that's just the thing ... It's all you wanted ...
It all you needed ...
You didn't want me ...
You didn't need me ...
You wanted *** ...


And you used me,
Had me,
Craved me,
For all the wrong reasons ...

Now I'm lying here once again .. Exposed ! For all the wrong reasons ! I'm your cure ...
141 · May 2016
Hold me
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
its raining outside
and im scared ill get
wet,
can you come to me
and keep me
dry,
hold me tight to
your chest
so i can hear
your heart beat
and you can kiss
my head and
keep me safe
and you can just
hold me
for as long as you
like.
134 · May 2016
Please... Tell Me
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
Tell me,
When you look at me ? What do you see ?
How old do I look?
What flaws do I have ?

Don't be shy I want to know, I need to know .. To fix my little imperfections !

Please .. That's all I ask for
132 · May 2016
Why?
Maddii Lloyd May 2016
You go from body to body,
But what are you searching for ?
Love ? Lust ? Fun ?

But then I realized what you were doing, you were feeding off their innocence !

Breaking their hearts once you leave, once you walk out their lives forever ..

Why are you doing this ? It's slowly killing us one by one !

The better question is why did I let you do it to me ?
130 · Apr 2016
The deadly secret.
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
As his lips left hers, him not knowing her deadly secret she was hiding ... Not only she had 3 months to live, she was also carrying his best friends child !
123 · Apr 2016
Last Night..
Maddii Lloyd Apr 2016
Last night, I did not think of you once ...
Every time I lifted the can to my lips, I knew you were just memory !

A tasteful, hurtful memory !
One that I can't get rid of the taste ...

Maybe I didn't .. Maybe I didn't forget you last night ! I just thought I did ..

— The End —