I want to end it, but what do i do. Where do i go?

Don’t hold my hand
Don’t grab my waist
Don’t breathe on my neck.
Don’t try be cute
Don’t tell me you love me
Don’t buy me presents
Don’t you dare be affectionate
With her taste still fresh on your lips.

laying her down,
kissing every inch of her sweet,
warm body.

biting your neck,
scratching your back,
tearing at your skin.

gasping, moaning, screaming.
giving you what you want.

lay me down..
please me..
tease me..

for fill my addiction, my craving
my cure!

worthless.
stupid.
nothing.
useless.
pathetic.
pointless.
fat.
de­pressed.
ugly.
Me.

pretty.
funny.
loved.
skinny.
worth it.
amazing.
useful.
nice.
beautiful.
Her.

now do you see why
see why i want to be like her?
want to be skinny, to be pretty
to even be loved?
to know what it feels like to have
skin against skin.
So please just let me
i dont want to be here anymore

Can't sleep clown will eat me ..
Honey that's no clown !
It's the voices you know the ones tellin you not to eat ? Yeah ...
The ones telling you your not pretty ? Yeah ...
The ones telling you your not worth it ? Yeah ...

You now know who I'm talking about ?
Yes ... But I can't sleep ! The clown will eat me ?
It's not the clown honey I said that ...
What about the monster under my bed ? He might grab me and take me away forever !
The monster isn't under your bed .. It's inside your head

But he is telling me th...
Don't listen to him ! He doesn't know what the right thing is for you ...
But he wants t...
He wants to ruin you !
Oh .. But everyone will be happy !

See those scars upon your wrists ?
The tears rolling down your face ?
Your scared makeup ?

Yeh .. It's becau....
No it's him. He is ruining you, slowly killing you ! He wants to win

Well one day he might, I kinda hope he does .... Whispering to him every night ! Please take me with you .. Maybe I will be happy ?

He will win, he is so close ...
Scratch that I think he has won !...

Really?
this is what you do
to me,
you might as well
be the one dragging the
blade across my wrist!
tying the rope
and place it around
my neck
and while your
at it, kick my chair...

sunshine
butterflies
and happy smiles
havent been
incuded in my
life

instead its been
late nights
red eyes and
blood stained wrists

but the time has
come where
i need to change
not myself
but my perspective

i have to agree
i am pretty
i am skinny
i am funny
you do love me

lets block the
negativity out
and focus on
me the happy me
the one with the
genuine smile

here we go.

"im here for you"
    "you're not alone"
         "you will always have me"

  ******* *******
When its 2:34am
    and self hate crawls up my throat
tearing its way out
and rips its way out my mouth
         in a deadly silent scream
i am alone.

when the blade starts tearing at
my skin
the cuts keep getting
deeper
          and there is no one
i am alone.

but the only real thing around me
    is the feeling
of the blood running down
my arms
  'i am alone'
you say you are there,   but your not.



        i am Alone.

Well what do you want me to say
you tell me all these
things and expect me to drop
******* everything to
come running to your doorstep...

no!

remember how you left
me?
why you left me..
it wasnt right you left me at the
time i needed you most

and i dont think ill ever
be able to forgive you.

Im stuck in
one big mess called life,
and i dont know
how to escape it!

Im nothing
im ugly
im worthless
im stupid
im horrid
im a burden

so why ?
why bother with me
why try with me
why tell me you love me?

cause i know everything you say is
a lie.
a ******* lie.

i feel empty,
i feel lost,
i dont feel safe...

in my own skin!

with a body like an
hourglass
making all the guys
weak at the knees
you slim waist
big bust
and fat ***
just what all men
seem to love in women
but when i see you
i let my
imagination run
wild the things
i seem to imagine
when you are around
are a deadly sin
your long slender
legs dont do any
justice baby let me
take you back to my
hotel and please
you show you
how a princess
should be treated
in a palace not
on the street.

Isnt it strange to think
that in this very moment
as we speak
someone is lying alone
on their death bed
contemplating between life
and death
reigniting love with
an old lover
to be tightly wrapped in
an warm embrace
or even writing a suicide
note.
considering different ways
to say goodbye?
right this moment
someones heart is beating
rapidly from a first ****
and someones is shattering
from a goodbye..


..... Goo...d By.....e

baby,
im the definition
of insanity.

i could imagine waking up to you
in the morning
with you in my kitchen
in my t shirt
your perfectly shaped
body silhouetted in
the shadows of the
sunlight beaming through
the windows.


i could imagine waking up to you
every morning
your deep morning voice
as you softly speak
getting up with
your t shirt on
as i make my way out the
bedroom
you looking at my silhouetted
body in your t shirt
this is only a dream
come true

The treatment they prescribed didn’t work and she was constantly in pain,
she couldn’t sleep and hardly ever ate;
it looked like her health was deteriorating right in front of our eyes.
She was a shadow of her former self

We drink alcohol
that tastes like hell
we smoke cigarettes
to burn out throats
we take drugs
to **** our lives up
just to forget
for a little while

but we are killing ourselves
slowly
******* up our lives and loosing
everyone slowly.

welcome to the world of
SElf DeSTructIoN mY DeAR DArliNg

i wonder what its like

to wake up and love yourself

to look at your reflection and not want to cry

to stand on the scale see the number and not want to puke

to stand with your friends and not feel ugly

to go shopping for clothes and not feel fat

to not be ashamed of your self harm scars

to go into public places and not feel insecure

i just wonder

what its like to wake up and love your life

You left
More then
Bite
Marks on
My skin.

i tried
i ******* tried
i poured my heart out
i ripped my skin apart...
just for some closure
and you didnt even bother
you saw i was hurting
and you saw i was crying
and i tried
i tried to stop it
i tried to be everything you
needed
everything you wanted
but i was never enough and
im scared ill never be
so i dont know if i should
if i should keep trying
or should i give up
like i have with everything else

i get it!
shes pretty, and wears makeup
but i show my imperfections

i get it!
shes skinny
and i have to **** it in

i get it!
she has ***** and a ****
just cause i dont wear push up
and do squats of a night

i get it!
blonde ***** is your type
but im actually kinda smart

i get it!
she has perfect skin
and i have scars covering my
body

i get it!
you prefer her over me
but you will see one day
beauty is only skin deep

i get it!

I thought i was the only on?

i thought you were ugly.
then i met Society

shut your legs honey,
its not a good look.

making yourself look bad,
jumping from guy to guy.

oh wait... that's right,
your a ******.

never kissed a boy right?
never hugged a boy right?
never even had a boyfriend?

yep that's right, you talk yourself up
making a name for yourself

now do you why we are ALL calling you a

****!

It wasn't his kiss that
kept me for
more
it was the
taste of his skin...

“wrong number” came from a familiar voice,
On the other end of the phone before,
Hanging up.

“wrong number” the voice being very familiar,
It rings over and over in my head,
Who could it be.?

“wrong number”
“wrong number”
“wrong number”

…..

I called her the other day, I pretended it was the wrong number
I just wanted to hear her voice one last time,
I needed to hear her voice.
“hello?” her voice still
Clear in my mind,
The last persons voice I wanted to hear,
Before my car was wrapped around a tree.

she was like an
cigarette
she always left a bad
taste in
my mouth.

I love you.
He hit send. Then a tree

tell me one more lie?


               i love you.

His heart beat was
all i cared about.

but then one day
it stopped.