i scream
i cry
i hate myself

i yell
i scream
i tear at my skin

okay i get it,
you will never love me
cause no im
not her

im not pretty
or funny
or skinny

so this is why
i yell
and scream
and hate myself

because i know
ill never be her
and you will never love me

but i was hoping
just once to hear those
words
but what the **** was i
thinking

im sorry

The treatment they prescribed didn’t work and she was constantly in pain,
she couldn’t sleep and hardly ever ate;
it looked like her health was deteriorating right in front of our eyes.
She was a shadow of her former self

i loved you.
but you ripped my *******
heart out,
when you came back
to me with her
taste still fresh on
your lips!

im fading slowly
into the backround
of nothingless

no one will notice
untill its too late

they wont care untill
its been broadcasted
across the news

with the headline
local girl takes own life

why should i continue my
sentence
if you are the one who keeps
erasing the good parts?

i get it!
shes pretty, and wears makeup
but i show my imperfections

i get it!
shes skinny
and i have to **** it in

i get it!
she has ***** and a ****
just cause i dont wear push up
and do squats of a night

i get it!
blonde ***** is your type
but im actually kinda smart

i get it!
she has perfect skin
and i have scars covering my
body

i get it!
you prefer her over me
but you will see one day
beauty is only skin deep

i get it!

its late and i know
you probably
wont get this untill
the morning.

but i have to tell you
ive always
wanted to tell you

how i felt
to have you
next to me in my bed
holding me tight
pressed close to my
body

but i didnt know how
but i felt
light having you
there
holding me
touching me
kissing me

but now thats all gone
but i wish it
wasnt
because i dont just
miss you
i miss your touch

Torn between letting it in
or blocking it out again.

Really?
this is what you do
to me,
you might as well
be the one dragging the
blade across my wrist!
tying the rope
and place it around
my neck
and while your
at it, kick my chair...

what i need, in you



a heart

the way you look at me
the way you hold me
kiss me
touch me
you give me goosebumps
the feelings never fade
but people change
but here i am still
wishing you were next to me

your the reason
my heart is beating,
without you im nothing
im gone, im a lifeless body
that everyone once new..
but no one cares im
gone untill its
too late..

If you could ask me
one question .....
what would it be?

why did you try **** yourself?
"you told me to be happy"

why do you hate yourself?
"its hard not to"

why dont you ask for help?
"i ******* try, no one seems to care"

why did you leave me?
... sorry this question couldn't
be answered ...

I want to end it, but what do i do. Where do i go?

Go on
pop another pill
cut yourself again
see if i care

go on
tie that rope
place it around your neck
and jump
see if i care

go on
write that suicide note
tell everyone your problems
say your a mistake
see if i care


....but
what if i do?

What it i was the perfect girl,
the one with the straight blonde
hair and the perfect smile,
the skinny hourglass figure,
pretty face, perfect skin.

what if?
would you love
me if i looked like
her!

i mean, i guess..
if you were a pill
id overdose!

i ...

f  
  e
l
    l

and you didnt care.

i ...

   c
r
i
     e
   d

and you didnt help me.

i ...

j
u
   m
p
        e
d

then you cared.

i feel empty,
i feel lost,
i dont feel safe...

in my own skin!

you pushed me
and i fell.

i got back up,
just to fall again.

so i stopped..
stopped trying

stopped trying to get up.
cause i was scared to get
pushed down again...

remember when you said you loved me?
when you held me tight?
kissed my forehead?
and said i was the one?

do you remember all the times
we spent running away?
hiding from the police?
making life worth living?

what has changed?
you kissed her?
you told her you loved her?
i saw you holding her?

but you came home and acted like nothing
happened?
why?
what did i do?
where did i go wrong?

now your with her,
kissing her,
holding her,
running away with her.

whilst im standing here, ready to










JUMP......

If I were to run, where would I go?
Who would I see?

Would I be safe and sound?
Or in danger risking my life?

Would I still be me?
Or would I create a new identity?

Would I still love you?
Or would you not exist?

Would I still have these scars?
Or would fresh ones appear?

Who would I be?
Where would I go?

laying her down,
kissing every inch of her sweet,
warm body.

biting your neck,
scratching your back,
tearing at your skin.

gasping, moaning, screaming.
giving you what you want.

lay me down..
please me..
tease me..

for fill my addiction, my craving
my cure!

It’s not easy to say
it’s easier just to show you.
Rolling up her sleeves showing her blood
stained wrists.
And there’s more. She slowly looks down
avoiding the disappointed looks that are
slowly forming on everyone’s faces.
Snickering forms over the next few days
and its starting to get too much.
Day after day
she comes with more Band-Aids
more bangles
and longer sleeves
Comment after comment
cut after cut
It’s harder to hide, harder to cope. Slowly
killing her everyday she’s spending
more time hiding in her room trying to
find a reason not to relapse the she is
going to school and spending time with
“friends”
It’s not easy to show you
it’s easier to just do it.
She finally takes her breath, drifting in and out
of consciousness from the loss of blood and
the bottle of pills with the last words “sorry”

take a selfie
to show the true me
no make up messy hair
baggy T's

but no this is the way you see me

take a selfie
add some ****
with my hair in my face
and over done makeup

to me i see myself as "perfect"
and everyone will love me..
yet night after night
i tear at my skin and cry myself
to sleep..

but you will never know the real me!
you judged me before you could
find out,
so *******
and your judgemental
******* thing you call your personality!

im so ******* done, with you
your **** and my life...

so dont act sad when i dont
come to school,
dont act sad when you find
out i passsed.
because honey you dont really care!