As you fall, not knowing the
outcome
hearing his voice one last time and the
words..

I still loved her.

I thought i was the only on?

i could imagine waking up to you
in the morning
with you in my kitchen
in my t shirt
your perfectly shaped
body silhouetted in
the shadows of the
sunlight beaming through
the windows.


i could imagine waking up to you
every morning
your deep morning voice
as you softly speak
getting up with
your t shirt on
as i make my way out the
bedroom
you looking at my silhouetted
body in your t shirt
this is only a dream
come true

You left
More then
Bite
Marks on
My skin.

You made a mistake.
Dont try and deny it,
You got to close to me
You didnt listen
To me when i told you to
Stay away.
But you told me you
Couldn't
You didnt want to.
What was it that made you
Attracted to me?
My hourglass figure
Straight blonde hair
Pouted lips,
I begged you to stay
Away but you
Didnt
And now i hurt you
Im not sorry,
You should of listened to me
When i said
Dont come too close,
Im a dangerous mess
But my kiss is the thing
That ruins you.

is it really that easy?
to turn around and say goodbye,
like you did..
what did i do to deserve this?
im ******* sorry,
i am ******* SORRY
so i guess this is
goodbye...
not just for today
but forever.
Goodbye!

It all started with yelling and screaming, some nasty comments here and there it’s my entire fault, I’m not the perfect child you asked for and trust me i know i never will be. I’m sorry I’ve made mistakes and I’m a massive **** up…..

I can't change who I am. I can try to do better and lord knows I've tried. I've bent to my knees, watched as my knees bruise praying that I could be the perfect child that my parents envisioned for me, but god must have been playing games. It started as banter then it was bicker, as slaps and punches were exchanged, I couldn't help but ask what the point of my creation was?

If I was here for a reason it better be a good one because i don’t know how much longer i can stay in this household and ratchet excuse I’m meant to call my life I’m only at the age of 17 years old and have been told i have so much more to live for but that must be all a joke on my behalf if I’m a failure at everything i seem to do.....

I look to the sky and tell myself it'll be alright, right as I do, a ******* storm comes along, and as the rain drops on my face I can't help but feel as though I was made to cry. I was made to be weak. I was made to be a stain of mascara sludge.

But then i realized if it weren’t to rain I’d still be in this situation I’d still be the one crying, i swear im made for internal misery.. Some are just born with tragedy in their blood i mist be one of them, but all i can do is ******* hope as i lay on the road with the rain falling all around me…..

tell me one more lie?


               i love you.

What made you attracted to me?
was it my smile, body, looks?
Or was it the fact that im the
type of girl, mummy and
daddy always warned you of?

Whatever it was baby, trust me
don’t get too close cause  I can’t
promise you that you won’t
get hurt

But it will be fun
whilst it lasts

as i rot in my skin
thinking i wasnt good
enough...

you are sitting there
wishing for once
you never let me
go...

i dont know the first
time i actually felt
beautiful
when you were around...

but that soon ended
when you decided
to have a taste
of her lips...

thinking i didnt know
but i saw
i saw everything...

now im sitting here
i living corpse
waiting for the pain
to come to an end...

but your sitting there
wishing that i was
still in your arms making
me feel beautiful
one last time...

but you
were the one that
left...

with a body like an
hourglass
making all the guys
weak at the knees
you slim waist
big bust
and fat ***
just what all men
seem to love in women
but when i see you
i let my
imagination run
wild the things
i seem to imagine
when you are around
are a deadly sin
your long slender
legs dont do any
justice baby let me
take you back to my
hotel and please
you show you
how a princess
should be treated
in a palace not
on the street.

i chocked when
i found the test...

it was laying on your
bed, next to your
now lifeless body...

you didnt just end your
life, you ended
our unborn childs...

im sorry baby i
really am, i couldnt
help you sooner...

but i promise you,
ill see you soon
i love you...

you cant keep shutting me out,
especially when your causing
pain to yourself.
it tears me to shreads, knowing
one day you may never wake
from the ongoing nightmare
you call life.
but i want to help you,
i need to help you because
we can all make it through
our nightmare.

Honey what is your problem?
is it all fun and games to you?

you come here and run and run and run your mouth...
you don't know where its getting you...

pathetic words that come from your mouth
watch yourself darling just warning you now

"stupid ***** " you call me
honey ill give you a reason and live upto that name

so shut your  ******* pathetic mouth there love
cause your running out of rumours fast....

she loved you
more then i ever could
take her
shes a better fit
trust me
im okay...

heart pounding
so loud,
unable to lift my
head,
give me love
like you give
to her,
its one thing i
ask of you,
i just want to feel
loved again,
loved by you.

im not dying, im just
fading... fading into
the background
soon enough to be
forgotten.

living, means fighting the demons,
drowning without water,
taking your life whist still living.

sunshine
butterflies
and happy smiles
havent been
incuded in my
life

instead its been
late nights
red eyes and
blood stained wrists

but the time has
come where
i need to change
not myself
but my perspective

i have to agree
i am pretty
i am skinny
i am funny
you do love me

lets block the
negativity out
and focus on
me the happy me
the one with the
genuine smile

here we go.

im sitting here
headphones in
music blasting
trying not to cry

you messaged
me today
telling me you
were sorry

and all i could
say was
goodbye

i cant sit here
everyday plast
a fake smile
on my face
and say everything
is okay

i cant do it any
longer i
need a release
i need to go
leave

it wont just
make me happy
but everyone
else too

not havening
to worry
about me
my pathetic
excuse of a
life ended

and everyone relieved

i dont know what
to think of you anymore,
you are nice and
kind, sweet
and inncoent.

well to my face anyway!

but as soon as
we change our
directions and walk
away, you change
rude and disrespectful
ugly and hatred

what did i do?

but i try
and make things right
i smile and laugh
act happy when your
around, but knowing
what you really think
of me kills
me.

but im sorry, ill just leave '
your life this world
maybe then you
will be happy
okay?
okay?

the lies you
speak,
the words come
from your lips,
but the way
you kiss me
is so sweet,
leaving me
wanting more,
asking more needing
more,
forever wanting
more even
when you caused
me all
this pain,
lying, lying
about her
you come back to
me with her
taste still fresh
on your lips,
but your kiss
makes me forget
its a danger.

Tell me,
When you look at me ? What do you see ?
How old do I look?
What flaws do I have ?

Don't be shy I want to know, I need to know .. To fix my little imperfections !

Please .. That's all I ask for

you take my breath away
now i question
whether you are taking
it away to suffocate
me or for fun.
you leave marks on my
skin, that i thought
meant you loved me
but they are becoming
regular, bruises, scratches
bite marks.
now im lying here
semi conscious and fully
exposed thinking to
myself was this really
love or was this torture?

Dear Diary..
      
     i cant take it much longer
its getting harder to hide what ive done
       all thats left is to hide the body.