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 Apr 2013 Lyra Brown
samasati
coffee drizzles
it’s tasty
& comforting
there’s too much snow
it won’t stop snowing
the window is getting boring
all I can think about
is the muffin I just ate
& what it will be like to be
home again
where all I think about
are the things I’ve just eaten
& sometimes why I haven’t
really left
my hometown yet
& not just for another getaway trip
but for good
I’ve always thought
a grey day
is the perfect metaphor
for how I feel most of the time
but so does everyone else
so I am just like
all of those other boring people
with boring lives
like this window
& the mother with the four
very plain looking kids
three tables down
& the muffins lined up
on the counter top
for boring people like me to buy
as they wait
for a plane to come to
carry them to a whole
new world
where routine doesn’t exist
only margaritas & surf’s up
or else,
to carry them back home
back to reality
back to functioning like
a complete robot
in the safety of
fear
there is a plane waiting to take off
just sitting on the runway
I wonder when it’ll get going
I wonder where everyone inside of it
is going
& where I am going
& what I am doing
here
instead of living
I watch snow fall out of a window
when it could soak me up
& give me a reason to sit
by the fireplace
with blankets, tea & a book
whether I am alone
or with a lover, friend, cat or dog
I can see
how that sounds more boring
than sitting in an airport
eating muffins
but it is exciting
to me
because it is happiness
to me
 Apr 2013 Lyra Brown
samasati
I am one of the lucky ones that has a high sensitivity to malignancy
I still wear it myself like a cape in the cold
but I can detect a sick person almost right away
some say that’s not very nice to say
though I’d rather know who’s a waste of my time than find out later when I’ve invested my heart & soul into the person
that’s part of what makes me a sick person,
investing myself too much in other people
and isn’t it funny
how we forget about these people that meant so much to us
once
obsession has its terminus
there are cusps a person trips off of that leave them falling,
spiralling into a new obsession or phase or life
or numbness
that’s why memory is so beautiful
even if it hurts a lot
it reminds us we are never going to be the same as we used to be
there’s something peaceful about that
though the sick find it tormenting
 Apr 2013 Lyra Brown
samasati
there are vanilla scented candles
and plaid scarves,
acrylic paints of every ******* colour
and wool socks,
a closet full of pretty dresses
and a bookshelf full of good reads
but I’m not happy

there is laughing
there is smiling
there is feeling good
sometimes
but I’m so unsatisfied
with what I’ve got
though I seem to have just about
everything

I have a good mother
I have friends that care
I have blankets
I have good teeth
I have rubber boots
some people say I have nice legs
I have compassion
I have the drive to create
I have trees
I have long hair
some people say I have kindness
I have a bus pass
I have a new job
I have flexibility
I have enough money
some people say I have talent
but I’m unappreciative
and ******* myself  
still

there are booked gigs
and improv shows,
interesting conversations
and instruments,
trees and leaves and twigs
and pinecones,
the sky,
the zoo,
the cafes
but I get insecure most of the time

there are long hot baths
and biting nails,
then painting nails,
then repainting nails
and biding time,
then hating time,
then being okay with time,
there are long stares in the mirror
sometimes glares
sometimes there are puffy eyes
there is frustration
in my fingers
in my head
in my voice
at the piano
on stage
being vulnerable in a crowd of cool actors and musicians
fear of being seen
fear of being unseen
fear of doing it WRONG
fear of looking stupid
looking ugly
looking pathetic
sounding stupid
sounding ugly
sounding pathetic

there are dreams of leaving
this city
this head
these people I have known
for what seems like forever
there are dreams of healing
and loving my skin
and the natural amount of fat
that is underneath it
there are dreams out there
there are so many of them
that I’m afraid to wish
that I’m afraid to think of
from caution of them not happening
from caution of disappointment
and loneliness
and neediness,
then purposelessness

there is wanting
and wanting
and wanting
something better
I don’t know what
just something better
but waiting
and waiting
and waiting
for it to come to me
instead of
trying
and going
and getting
it myself
A paper with ink that every student hates to do
It’s so annoying when you cant get it
because the teacher didn’t explain to you how to do it so you don’t get it,
but the smart girl in your class said every one gets it,
so the teacher shuts up, but on the inside you want to turn around and scream
“No ones as smart as you!”
but you don’t because you don’t want to be a bother,
but as you sit in your bed you think what the frig
I should have asked,
but in stead of doing my homework I go on something called Facebook
where everyone writes about other people and there problems there having
that no one in the world seriously cares about
so you scroll till you see a fight that is pretty pointless,
but you still get the popcorn and read everything they said
because its better then doing any thing else,
but you see that girl that deals with anorexia
and start to think why does she do that to herself she’s skinny,
I know the mirror can be cruel sometimes,
but she’s beautiful,
she may look unhealthy
and in science instead of looking at the skeleton you look at her
because you can see every bone in her body
because the words people say affected her,
she was healthy,
but people think you need to be **** perfect to be friends or just for them to like you, so she carries this thing that eats her on the inside in pain
with the words that are whispering in the halls,
but then she has that one friend that doesn’t help
she’s to busy wishing for selfish things and too blind to see her friend is dying in front of her,
but instead of saving her she’s wishing for everything
like that new car
and losing weight
and her hair to be longer
and what outfit she’s going to wear tomorrow to impress that guy she has a crush on
and the girl thats been neglected by everyone and everything next to her in the mirror hearing her rant on and on about this she’s wishing I want to be like her,
I want someone to love me like that,
I want friends she always says
I want and I bet it’s the girl in the back of the classroom,
that shy one that sits alone at lunch time
looking around hoping someone will come sit with her
and want to be friends
but it doesn’t happen because everyones too selfish in there own worries and problem to notice their fellow classmates could be crying out for help in front of you but you don’t care because your stuff is to important to help someone else.
No-one knows the amount souls I have kissed, for a slice, of a taste of freedom.....

Now I hold my own tongue, lest it should be so rude.

Words are diminished.

'We are Closed' sign eliminates from my lips

Mouth stays dry.

And I remain hungry for tomorrow.

Lest the souls come for me, for now, I remain

Hungry,

and

Free.
 Mar 2013 Lyra Brown
M V
Lover sitting on the shower floor
spits at the drain,
watches it circle away between his feet.

I tell him to close his eyes
as I point the spray at his hair,
pull out the caked-dirt tangles.

I scrub at his back until it's red and raw,
and a thin trickle of blood
from a pimple or an ingrown hair
dances down the steps of his spine.

I could bathe him
in all the world's finest oils,
until the cacophony of fragrances
made my head spin
and he would still tell me that
I missed a spot.

Wrapped in a towel,
he asks me why I
do the things I do.

I say nothing,
and wipe a speck of grime
from his wet, swollen cheek.
 Mar 2013 Lyra Brown
R E Sadowski
We are the duet
Of water meets dust
Sky meets ground
Heaven meets earth

We are the duet
Of a mucky dance
Crying over the crops
Stepping upon the seeds

We are the duet
Invented from the mess
Of creation, turning
Into devastation
By the hands of the
Coalition

We are the duet
Pouring hands and feet
And cranking necks
And exposing wrists
And lengthening legs
And loosening tongues.

We are the duet
For the dried up leaves
In need of a drink
For the endless fields
Silent in their thirst

We are the dance

To grow and harvest
That will give and give and give
And keep feeding and keep feeding and
Keep feeding
Both types of souls:
Those who believe the duet is worthwhile
And those who believe they can live
Without the smallest amount of rain.
 Mar 2013 Lyra Brown
Judy iron
I won't be that girl

The one who visits you when you want her to
Fantasies about you
Dreams about you
Wants you
Wants your attention, love
The one who lets you use her for your every desire
Strips her naked down to her soul
And then devours it
Or pretends you didn't realize you did
I won't be the girl you hurt
The one you say you want but are too busy for
The afterthought at one a.m. When you're lonely
I want to be her but I won't
 Mar 2013 Lyra Brown
TheBlackBird
I can see you there

standing in your studio relishing

in the faces of your followers

creaming their jeans over your creations

lightbulbs hanging from the cealing by telephone cords

and photographs of babies dressed as dictators

trying to prove that innocence still exists

when we both know that this world

was robbed of its innocence a million years ago

you might fool some people but I can see right through you

professional hipster, wearing tie dye underneath your skin

and an overpriced suit on the outside

painting your lips with designer brand

translucent rasberry lipstick

and kissing your acquaintances

a kiss for each cheek

I want to know how you can fake it so well

hiding behind your little purple door

counting money while I’m busy counting lies

was it easy to push your dreams so far away

so deep in the back of your mind that they may as well be in your shoes

did you ever think you’d be here

that you’d sell your soul to the devil

because I’m afraid that you might be my future

and I would rather stand at the end of the dock with Mr.Gatsby

gazing at the green light across the river

holding on to hope forever
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