summer is supposed to be fun
freeing and flying, shine and sun
but my summers have always been wrong
while other's are short, mine are too long
my summer is cruel, locked up with nowhere to go
I wish I could explain this to someone, but no one can know
that I feel like I'm imprisoned on top of this hill
summers are a bitter pill

my body is mechanical
it does what it's told
it follows the rules
bends and moves and grows
my mind is a different story
it doesn't fit the mold
it is clay, soft and impressionable
words leave ugly dents
smoke clouds its memory
it doesn't work the way it should
it doesn't have thick walls and sharp angles
my body is mechanical
my mind is impressionable

Everybody is sad
and everybody is tired
everybody is broken
and I can't fix it all
I can't fix myself
I'm losing my grip
I'm sinking
keep up the charade
these people need you, right
but I can't I can't I can't
I can't fix you
I can't help you
the facade is exhausting me
can't you see it's draining me
I'M sad
I'M tired
I'M broken
I wish I could fix myself
the way I try to fix others

i have a sadness lurking in me
the base of every poem i write
the core of my love
as i give myself papercuts
from your letters
and your poems
and i sit quietly
in the shadow
of your starlight.

On the hardest nights
that you go outside
When you can’t breathe
Can’t stop shaking
And you look up at the sky
Desperate to feel better

For the vines to soften their grip
For the monster to hold your hand
And you see something brought up there
Something you didn’t even know you needed
A star
You
And suddenly
Your magic makes everything okay again
For a moment the blood stops pouring
Just to marvel at the brightness

But the star is all the way up there in the sky
And no matter how many time you shout how much you love them
They never get to truly know how much they saved your life
Sometimes even
They think that their brightness is too much
Hated

And they want to stop their beautiful burning
In fear that it is too much of something beautiful
That they don’t truly understand how beautiful it is
And that it can’t be too much

Dearest star,
You are never going to be too gay for us
Love is poetry after all
Love is all of your unfinished poems to your unfinished story
And just know that we love you
So so much

Just perfect

And I know,
Depression blocks that all out
It whispers everything you don’t need to hear
It tells you you’re not enough
But sweetheart
We are so lucky that the cloud moved
And that we get to marvel at you

so fold the paper crane
but don't you dare call it wrong
fold the peach paper
into a shape as magnificent as you
but don't cut it anymore
it is already stained red

and make people happy without losing your shine
glow as bright as your heart desires
you can please people
without losing yourself in their storm clouds
you are too bright a star
to dim yourself to their darkness

And of course, you may not be blue eyed barbie
but you are beautiful in your own way
you are a meteor shower
and believe me, that's so much better
a rare phenomenon
a magical occurrence

Every scar
Ever ***** up
Every tear
All of it
Is beautiful
and whatever you wish
just know you cannot be extinguished

there are so many things I want you to know, like
how I will always stay up late to make sure you're breathing
how I will always do anything to cheer you up
how I will never intentionally do something to hurt you
how I will always talk out your problems with you
how I will walk 26 days to your dwelling
just to bestow on you a hug
of the most wholesome and not-stalkerish variety
I may arrive to you half dead but I
will always be there
how do I know
because you will always be there for me.
and you told me so
always

Loneliness is a record player
Sitting in an attic
With no record

It is when you look into life’s mirror
And see you’re not alone
You see the monster of your mind creeping up behind you
Whispering loud enough that only you can hear

Loneliness is the loudest silent scream of them all
Yet no one can hear how loud you feel it
Through any bathroom stall