nobody warns you about the first boy who tells you he wants to marry you.

nobody warns you about the tangible shift in the universe when he parts his lips to smile.

nobody warns you about the poetry he'll write you or how your knees will weaken or the melancholy hidden between the layers of his laughter.

nobody warns you that miles will morph into lightyears and you will curse the ocean for being the only thing that keeps his fingers from resting between yours.

nobody warns you about the day his sweater doesn't smell like him anymore.

nobody warns you that human hands are incapable of holding a person together.

nobody warns you that sometimes love is not enough, no matter how much you wish it was.

nobody warns you about the crippling nostalgia that renders you breathless.

nobody warns you about the nights when silence screams for your blood.

nobody warns you about the crater that forms in your chest in the middle of the night when he doesn't answer.

nobody warns you about how it's going to feel when he tells you he's in love with someone else.

nobody warns you that forever is a lie.

- m.f.

When I say
I love you
Don't picture my cheeks
Bright red
Or my palms sweaty

When I say I love you
Something breaks inside of me
The walls I worked so hard
To construct all around my heart
They are now teared apart

When I say I love you
I do not say it
To the boy standing in front of me
I profess it to the person you are
Late at night
When your thoughts are blurry
And your eyes are dark.

I'm strong.
I am strong.
I will not,
And can not,
Let this take me over.
No, not again.
For I fear that I am only one relapse,
Two at most,
Away from my final demise.

I can see it plain as day
Your transparency
Using scare tactics like power
But yours is scanty
You hate it when the stars
refuse to shine
Your light grows too dim
Darkness consumes you
Until there is no hope for you
Withering melting into nothing
Into a dark abyss in bitter hate
What will you do?
When the reality hits it hits so hard
You've never encountered
such an amazing storm as this!
Oh wait, you have.
You know it can happen.
You remember from before
It was the first time you fell.
Only difference this time is
there is no return to power.

I found you one day
unassuming and shameless
and I liked this innocent boldness I saw
shining through your face

You are my glimmer of hope
my beacon of light
when the darkness consumes me.
you see my blackened soul
and thaw my frosty heart
the way that no one else can
or ever could.

Why do I allow myself to feel this?
with other men, the initial thought is
I must stay guarded
don't let them in
hurt them before they hurt you.
with you, none of those thoughts enter my mind.

I am scared that you will be scared of me
but I allowed myself to show
you the ugliest parts of me
and yet you still tell me I am beautiful.

Somehow,
you do not think I am a basket case.
you are the only person I have ever met
who makes me believe that I really can get better.

On the outside we seem as
we have it all figured out
when really on the inside
our feelings are crushed
and were torn apart
physically and emotionally
but nothing can fix us
except those that tear us apart

i.
no matter what your teachers
may tell you, your grades are not a
measure of how smart you are, that
has more to do with how you handle your
heart, and i have never seen anyone love
more fiercely or smart than you.  

ii.
i have let boys touch me just because
i was scared to lose them; don't let them
lay a hand on you without you asking
them to, you are worth more than that.

iii.
people will walk away, but you've known
that already.  keep your chin up so that when
they turn back one last time, they know that
you don't need them.
you don't need them.

iv.
i hope you find somebody that holds your
hands, even when you're nervous and
they start to sweat.  if they pull away,
you come find me and i swear,
i won't let go.